Please bail me out?

I'm not a tea thief!


Guilty conscience today, Jeremy?


Not really...


That means yes. When did you take up tea theft anyway?


I did not steal tea! It just kinda looked like I did if you weren't paying attention. And since people don't pay attention to the world, I had to go over the explanations in my head on my way back to the office. Let me explain...


Tell it to the judge.


So not long ago, I went down to the Adorably Tiny Cafeteria Thing In My Building to get a bottle of iced tea. It was morning, and breakfast time, which meant I needed to get a spoon. It's been pretty well documented here that my brain doesn't work properly in the morning, so I ended up grabbing the bottle of iced tea, paying for it, and leaving the ATCTIMB. Immediately upon stepping outside the cash register line, I realized I had forgotten a spoon, so I went back in the entrance, grabbed a spoon, and walked out. Perfectly legitimate.

Of course, if you weren't paying attention, all you saw was me walking out the entrance to the ATCTIMB with a bottle of iced tea, avoiding the cash registers. It may have appeared that I was stealing tea, when in fact I was not. Having left the entrance with my legitimately purchased iced tea and complimentary spoon, I walked to the stairwell contemplating if anyone had seen me leaving the entrance without paying for tea and thinking I was a tea thief...and the story I would have to tell if they asked if I was going to pay for the bottle. I also thought it would make for a pretty decent Sametime Status. So here you go.

He's more Sticker than Banana now

Is it just me, or do bananas have more stickers than they used to?


I thought we went over this. It's you. It's always just you.


I've noticed a recent trend of the over-stickering of bananas in grocery stores. This trend is based on buying bananas at pretty much one grocery store over a period of time, and recently thinking, "Hey...there are more stickers than there used to be." It's scientific.

Anyway, I've come up with the only reasonable explanation for this, and decided to both share it with you and Call Bunk on it all at the same time. Lucky you.

So, the reason that the banana companies are putting more stickers on bananas is so that kids will eat more bananas. Kids love playing with the stickers on bananas. It's a thing to do when you're a kid and you haven't discovered the Internets and started your own Sametime Status Message Blag yet. Anyway...banana companies realize this and in order to get parents who insist on buying healthy snack foods for their kids to buy more bananas, put more stickers on the bananas. The more bananas these parents buy, the more stickers the kids get, and the more money the banana company gets. The data is out there somewhere, and finding it has been left as an exercise for the reader.

Here's the problem. Kids don't necessarily have to eat the banana to get the sticker. Once the bunch of bananas is in the house, all of the stickers (At least one per banana, usually more) are readily available. The kid who takes only the sticker off the banana he's eating is much akin to the kid who eats the entire box of cereal and has the prize dump out into the bowl...which is much akin to the Easter Bunny. The instant that box is opened, kids will rifle through the cereal box until he unearths the prize, and if half the cereal pours out onto the floor, so be it.

So, in conclusion, it makes more fiscal sense to lower the number of stickers on bananas to increase the profit margin on the number of bananas sold, and spend the extra money on a lobbyist for congress to declare a National Banana Lovers Day instead. OH WAIT...

Multiple types of disturbing

Somebody may now explain to me why I have "Blood On The Coal" by the Folksmen stuck in my head


Because it combines three of the most popular types of folk-song tragedy into one diddy? Train accidents, Death of a loved one, and Mining Accidents.


While I'm sure that's part of the case, it is a little confusing not only why this song is in my head, but why I'm aware of it in the first place. See, The Folksmen aren't exactly a real band. They're a fictional band created for Saturday Night Live back in 1984 and were featured prominently in the mockumentary "A Mighty Wind" in 2003. The song "Blood On The Coals" was not featured in the film.

What I've learned recently while researching this Blag entry is a little frightening. While I knew full well that "A Mighty Wind" had a connection with the film "This Is Spinal Tap" being the same type of mockumentary and written by the same people...I actually did not realize that the members of the two groups were those same people.

That's right...actors Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer (Also known as the voice of Ned Flanders) portray the members of both Spinal Tap and The Folksmen, depending on what type of show they're doing. In fact, apparently, The Folksmen opened for Spinal Tap in one performance and were booed off the stage. This blew my mind...so I'm pretty much done for the day. Hope there wasn't anything I needed to do today.


You mean like work or something?


Oh yeah...I meant besides that.

This happens more often than you might think

Anyone remember what my Sametime Status was supposed to be?


Sure don't. Isn't it written down already in your file?


Nope. It was a new one that we just came up with yesterday after the volleyball tournament. It was actually pretty funny...but when I woke up this morning, I had totally forgotten what it was supposed to be.

Now that I have a Droid, this sort of thing is easier than it used to be. Often, when I think of a good Sametime Status, I can simply email it to myself right then on the spot. Then, when I get to work, it's right there in my email, and I can transfer it to my Word doc (Now 62 pages long, containing most of the Sametime Statuses I've ever used), and when its time comes, onto the Instant Messenger it goes! For whatever reason, yesterday's brilliant idea got lost in the shuffle, and never made it to Status form. Oh well...it's everyone's loss. I'll try to do better tomorrow.

It's good for my taste buds!

I'm pretty sure downloading the "Five Guys" app isn't good for my health


Too bad "In n Out Burger" doesn't have their own App. I'd download that.


"In n Out" is only on the west coast.


I'm a figment of your imagination. I can live wherever I want.


So anyway, I was made aware yesterday that "Five Guys Burgers and Fries" has their own Android App, which allows you to place an order for your burger in advance, pay for it when you get to the store and take it home. Considering just how delicious and horrifyingly un-healthy their burgers are, and the restaurant's proximity to my house (and soon to be opening a new one close to work, as well), having this app on my Droid makes for a remarkably dangerous combination.

That said, it's a new app for my Droid, so I had to have it. Guess what's for lunch tomorrow.


Macaroni and cheese?


Also, as a special bonus...if you've been living in a hole the last few weeks, you may not be aware of the newest big music sensation on the Internetz. Rebecca Black's smash single "Friday" has nearly 50 Million views on Youtube. When something on the Internetz is this popular, you know it has to be of the utmost quality. So, since it's Friday, please enjoy "Friday" by Rebecca Black!

Not like in "Psycho"

My new shampoo scares me a little


I know this must be traumatic for you...having to take showers.


So I once again fell victim to my habit of ignoring the fact that a product may come in a new container. The "New Look - Same Great Taste!" bit has become so ubiquitous that it doesn't even register in my mind.


And yet the word "ubiquitous" does.


So when I meandered down the shampoo aisle of my favorite neighborhood grocery store, it didn't even bother me that the shampoo that I typically use (which, for purely Blag purposes, let's call "Sophisticated") came in a new bottle. I tossed one into the cart and went on my way.


Hopefully you didn't toss it too hard...that stuff can leak if you're not careful.


Later on, my existing bottle went dry, so I got the new one out of the cabinet. This all happens first thing in the morning, mind you, when my brain is woefully ill-equipped to deal with any sort of surprises. I squeeze some of the shampoo into my hand and am startled by the fact that it's not only opaque, but also a dazzling shade of neon blue. I'm not talking about a light periwinkle kind of blue like a lot of shampoos come in, this stuff looked like it was glowing. It actually did startle me a little bit, and I wondered if I would turn into a giant turtle with ninja skills after I washed my hair. Sadly, all it did was make my hair clean and manageable. Of course...I still have a whole bottle of the stuff left, so maybe it just takes time. I'll keep you posted.

Nobody could pull me over, though

I...Can't...Drive...One Million Fifty Five!!!


Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my sad duty to inform you that Jeremy got his license suspended for driving over Mach 1300.


Not even close. Today's Sametime Status is in reference to the breaking news that musician Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens some years ago. Apparently, the aliens used some sort of wireless connection to download his brain, and upload some other stuff into it. Really quite fascinating.


Wonder if they uploaded the knowledge that he's the best lead singer of Van Halen. That's the only place he could have gotten that idea from.


You didn't really expect the aliens to abduct David Lee Roth, did you?

No, I didn't sweep. That's crazy talk.

There. Now I don't have to clean my garage for another three years


Maybe if you did it more often, it wouldn't take so long.


You know, that's the same tack my parents always took when trying to get me to clean my room when I was growing up. Didn't work then, won't work now.

So it's been a bit under 3 years since I moved and obtained a garage for the first time. It's been nice. A special area of the house that I can put my car in to protect it from the elements and make sure I never again have to brush snow off of it first thing in the morning. It's also a special area of the house that I can pile all sorts of crap in when I don't know what else to do with it. I have extra bathroom tiles I'll never use, a couple landscaping stones I don't need, a ficus tree, the headboard to a bed whose existence in my house is an utter mystery, and a piece of vinyl siding for the house that seems to be extra, in addition to the ever-growing collection of tools (Thanks, "High's"), car supplies, lawn mower, snowblower, golf clubs, and somebody's volleyball net (One of these days, I'll bring it back, I swear).

Needless to say, all of this junk takes up room and can become a little cluttered. Well, when working with electricity, it's somewhat important not to have a bunch of clutter getting in the way. It's also important not to have somebody standing behind you waiting for his opportunity to make "ZZZT!" noises. Over the weekend, I actually cleaned up the garage a bit. It still has almost as much crap in it as it did before, (and it has new electrical wiring, but that's beside the point), but now it's a little more organized and navigable. More importantly, it's something I won't have to do again for another 3 years. Woohoo!

Slainte!

I'll listen to an Irish song today. That's about the extent of my involvement


Everybody's Irish on St. Patrick's Day!


And everybody's Mexican on Cinco de Mayo. It's just another foreign day of note that Americans have turned into an excuse to get faced. Pretty soon, we'll all be Russian and celebrate "Consolidation Day" by drinking Vodka on November 4th. Na Zdorovie!

Anyway...since I'm actually not of Irish heritage, and was never a polytheist needing to be converted to Christianity by a shamrock-toting bishop (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it wouldn't surprise me, But It Would Make Me A Little Sad), I don't really need to celebrate St. Patrick's Day by wearing green. Given my ridiculously pale complexion and blue eyes, I don't look good in green anyway. What I will do is enjoy some Irish music...so please enjoy the Auto-harp stylings of Marc Gunn singing Star Of The County Down. There's your Irish bit from me for the day. That's it...you probably won't find me out drinking green-tinted beer at a dump bar tonight...sorry.


You will also not find me in the office tomorrow, since I'll be taking a vacation day. Enjoy the weekend, everyone!


Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out of the Office tomorrow, 3/18 and returning on monday 3/21 with all new Sametimey action. See you all then!

S-M-R-T!

I don't know if Electricity makes me smart, but the opposite is certainly true


Being smart generates electricity? Maybe your brain could generate enough electricity to light up a city. Not A Real City, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy-conservation laws.


Actually, was more referring to the fact that a lack of electricity makes me an idiot.


It takes less than that, trust me.


I'm okay without power. I have flashlights and candles and whatnot, I have books I can read, a piano I can play, and plenty of other things I can do if the power is out. If worse comes to worse, I'm even a fairly experienced camper who can make a fire without using gasoline and cook several things over if if need be. I don't need electricity to survive.

That said, I'm institutionalized when it comes to electricity. I'm just accustomed to having it around, and when it's not there, I simply get confused. I'll continue to flip on light switches, look toward digital clocks, and push "Power" buttons on various electronics. I know that my laptop will still work, so I ponder using the internetz, but briefly forget that the cable modem and the router both rely on electricity to work.

I told you that story so I can tell you this story. Not long ago, I had an electrical problem at the Jeremy Household that required a new circuit breaker. It's not a difficult thing to do...you turn off the main power, pull out the old breaker, wire in the new one, snap it into place and you're set. This, of course, requires having a new breaker that matches the old one...so the best way to do this is in two stages. Remove the old one and bring it with you to "High's Home Improvement Store" find a new one that matches, then bring it home and install. This was my method...it involves leaving the main power to the house off while I'm driving to the hardware store.

At the store, I find my new breaker, and bring both that and the old one up to the cash register. I explain to the cashier that I'm paying for one, and brought the other just as the model for replacement. The cashier makes a joke that she probably shouldn't charge me for the old one as I tuck it into my pocket, then relates a story of one time, under similar circumstances, she tried to ring up somebody's cell phone, and how she shouldn't tell that story because it makes her look stupid. We had a quick chuckle at her expense, and I made my way home. As I rounded the bend to my house, I clicked the button for the garage door opener. Upon seeing the door not move, I clicked it again. After the second click, it finally dawned on me that the opener relies on electricity to run, and I could click this little button May 21, and it still wouldn't work. At least the radio in my car still worked.

**YAWN**

Some days, the bed is just more comfortable than others. We call those "Weekdays"


Shhh....Jeremy's sleepy.



I bring this sort of thing on myself. I had the late game at Volleyball last night, so I didn't get home until just about bedtime. Then, I had a new episode of "Chuck" that I had to watch before I went to sleep, because it just wouldn't do to know that I had that sitting there on the DVR and have to wait a whole day to watch it. That's just crazy talk.

So there you go...sleepy day. We'll try again tomorrow.

Incidentally, first actual games (I'm not counting those silly play-in games) of the NCAA tournament start tomorrow! get your brackets filled out!

Why won't they Get It?

People Who Just Don't Get It; Volume 4: 24-Hour "News" Outlets who quote people's Twitter feeds and call it news.


The advent of 24-Hour news outlets has come along with the advent of figuring out how to stretch 30 minutes of news into 24 hours of crap. Some ways to do that are through making news out of non-news (ie: A bear gets loose in a neighborhood near the woods), hyperbole (ie: The WORST STORM EVER!), and through opinion/editorializing (ie: Twitter).


One of the long-held tenets of journalism is accuracy, which can be accomplished through fact-checking and multiple sources. Well, when you decide that this sort of thing isn't important, you can just give credit to your single source, regardless of the veracity of that source. Here's a great example: ""Jeremy Is In The Office is the best website in the world," reports Jeremy of Jeremy Is In The Office., an online repository of Instant Messenger Status Messages."

While it's clearly presented as an opinion, it's written in the news, and since it has a citation showing that it came from somebody other than the author of the story, it's obviously a correct statement, and you base your opinion on that statement. Forget the fact that you have no idea who "Jeremy" is, or the fact that he may be biased toward Jeremy Is In The Office, but you saw it on the news, and therefore, it's right!

This silly little example (while misguided, since you all know Jeremy and believe that this is the best website in the world, but we'll ignore that for now) may seem a little far-fetched, but pick any article on CNN or Foxnews or any of your favorite 24-hour news outlets. You have an 83% chance of seeing a reference to somebody's Twitter feed in that article, based on a study where I thought about numbers and thought that 83 was about right. It may not be 83, but it's higher than it should be. Also, every last one of these articles and sites now has a "User Comments" section where people are free to spread their own opinions and hyperbole about the article, or about the other opinions. Now you have opinions of opinions being interpreted as facts...and that just makes things worse.

And just how does this all manifest itself in News? Is it simply harmless misinformation, or can it actually be used for ratings-based fear-mongering? See for yourself with this headline from Foxnews.com:

Or perhaps this one from ABCNews.com:

Then there's CNN.com:

Based on these editorialized headlines, you may be inclined to think that a second-coming of Chernobyl is about to happen, or else, a huge nuclear-weapon scale explosion is imminent which will cause untold devastation to not only Japan, but the rest of the world.

Simply put, this is not the case.

For an actual explanation of what's going on with the reactors, you should probably spend about 10 minutes reading THIS WEBSITE instead, which provides an actual scientifically-accurate description of what's happening without the editorializing and fear-mongering which will bring readers back to websites. The differences between this actually informative article, and the opinion-based ratings-grab that is the article on any of the other "News" sites make it pretty clear who is out to report news, and who is desperately out to fill 24 hours with content, without regard to accuracy or relevance.

It's Maddening!

Pick Jeremy’s 12-5 Upset! East, Southeast, Southwest or West. Vote Now!!!


It's March Madness time...and you know what that means!


Jeremy uses up his allotment of watched basketball games for the year in one day?


Well, that too...


The weather is finally starting to get better?


Not really...have you looked outside?


Cheerleaders in HD?


I guess that's important...not what I was going for...


In that case, I'm spent.


It means it's time for the annual NCAA Tournament Bracket pools!


You can't do those until next week. You don't know who the teams are.


That's the beauty of it. Every year, I fill out those silly brackets having absolutely no clue who any of the teams are, who any of the players are (Though I'm often reminded that there's this guy "Jimmer" who plays for BYU who's supposed to be good), what conferences any given team plays for, or what teams are actually...you know...good.

The extent of my NCAA basketball pool knowledge consists of two facts. First, a #16 seed has never beaten a #1 seed, and second...the 5 vs 12 match-up is a statistical outlier when it comes to upsets.

Since the entirety of my wisdom comes in numerical form, I decided this year to bypass the silly "teams" concept and rely simply on seedings to decide my bracket. I've downloaded and printed out a blank bracket and will be filling it out tomorrow for use in whatever pools I end up playing in. This seemed, at first, to conflict with my annual tradition of letting the Sametime Status Loyal Readers vote on my 12-5 upset pick, but I realized that I can do that in advance, too. So all you have to do is let me know which region will see a 12 seed take down a 5 seed. Your choices are: East, Southeast, Southwest or West. Clearly biased against the North for some reason, but there you are. VOTE NOW!!!

Faux Gras

Fitting that Fat Tuesday coincided with Bagel Day at the gym


Happy Mardi Gras, everybody! Today's your last day to do everything you're giving up for Lent, so make it count!


The gym has a little thing they do to entice people to go there, and to encourage hypocrisy. Every month, they devote one morning to giving away free bagels, and one evening a month, they give out free pizza...all you have to do is walk in the door. There's no "20 minutes on a treadmill" rule for jacking pizza or anything, it's a free meal. Therefore, what ends up happening on these days is the number of people in the gym goes though the roof, which is remarkably annoying.

Anyway, it actually seemed appropriate today to have Bagel Day, because it's Fat Tuesday. This fact amused me more than it probably should have, so I decided to share it with you.

Schlock at its finest

"I hear a mountain lion! I gotta get back to my house" – Birdemic: Shock and Terror


Grab your popcorn box and your barf bag...just be careful not to confuse the two...Jeremy's got you a front-row seat to the Film Event of yesterday. A Film you won't forget seeing, but will regret seeing for the rest of your life.


So, I don't discriminate when it comes to movies. Sure, if it involves Nicolas Cage, it's automatically trash (BTW: Take THIS QUIZ when you get a spare couple of minutes), but I don't automatically discount films because they don't fit into the stereotypical cultural standard of "Good." I own a copy of "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and I've seen "Battlefield Earth" at least 4 times. I readily admit these facts because I love these movies not in spite of how bad they are, but BECAUSE of how bad they are.

Into the pantheon of stupefyingly bad movies comes a new entry I was made aware of not long ago. Through the magic of "Internet Flickershows," I was able to get my hands on the DVD and share it with some of my friends, who no longer answer my emails, IM's, texts, or phone calls for some reason. I delighted everyone with a screening of "Director" James Nyguen's 2008 masterpiece, "Birdemic: Shock and Horror". Since I don't have all day, I can't list everything that was wrong with this movie...but I'll give you just a fleeting glance of it:

• CGI = Clipart
  
• The guy drives a Mustang (said to be a plug-in hybrid version which has never existed), but never seems to be able to get the thing above 5MPH.
  
• "Fashion Model" goes from taking pictures in a strip-mall grocery store to a Victoria's Secret cover in one phone call.
  
• The guy walks like he's duct-taped to a pole.
  
• Worst Sound Editing ever. The sound cuts in and out, doesn't match the action, changes levels in every scene, and a scene filmed on a beach is unintelligible due to wind noise that makes it seem like the scene was shot in a hurricane.
  
• Worst Dialog Ever.
  
• Old guy is guarding a bridge that nobody would ever walk across...because there's nothing on the other side.
  
• A Lawless Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland would have less traffic.
  
• About the third time you stop your car to help people and one of your party died, you'd quit stopping...unless...
  
• Where exactly were they driving? It's never really revealed what their grand plan was, except to drive somewhere in a POS van despite the fact that everyone that they stopped to help who ended up dead drove better cars.
  
• Birds can either splatter on a windshield, spew toxic yellow sludge on people, or explode violently (seriously...we're talking smoke and fire and everything) with no explanation how they developed these talents.
  
• Coat Hangars make great weapons against a bird attack. So much so that you can Buy Your Own!
  
• At least it's good to know that Lawless Post-Apocalyptic Wastelands still accept credit cards.
  
• Nobody anywhere knows why the birds stopped attacking. Seriously...this isn't a spoiler...nobody gets it!

I'm guessing the reason that nobody knows why the birds stopped attacking is because (and I really wish I were making this up) the director was setting up for the sequel: Birdemic II: The Resurrection 3D!!! Coming this summer to...uhm...hopefully a theatre as far away from you as possible.
This has been another edition of Jeremy Is In The Theatre

This just goes to show how good I am

I made it all week without making a Charlie Sheen joke! Woohoo!


Congratulations, Jeremy. You've held out the longest of all the recurring Sametime Status Message Blags you read on the Internetz...and just about every other media outlet, for that matter.


In celebration, I'm going to share with you a joke I would have made if I weren't so ridiculously busy on Wednesday. The Sametime Status that day was "If you have a NASCAR license plate, I shouldn’t have to follow you going 30MPH down the highway" because I had to follow some loser going a full 25MPH below the speed limit on my way to work that morning, and I take out my frustrations on people like this in passive-aggressive Sametime Status form.

Anyway, since I was making fun of NASCAR, I was going to point out that my Sametime Status that day was Racist.

Okay...that's enough for one week. See everyone on monday!

That's all you need

Manliness through loopholes!


As much as Jeremy NEVER has his manliness questioned, he feels obligated to defend it often and repeatedly.


I do not own a hair dryer. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.*


* - This line stolen directly and shamelessly from Charles Dickens.
Also, nothing "wonderful" is going to come from this story regardless.


I've never really owned a hair dryer, and I basically never have need for one. I consider it a minor point of pride, akin to pointing out that I've never performed Karaoke in this hemisphere. Among my possessions is a refrigerator with an ice maker. It comes in very handy, and I've even learned to better tolerate having ice in my beverages. (I never used to like it, but now I don't actively hate it.) Well, not long ago the water line feeding the ice maker froze, so I no longer have the ability to make ice. I've located service manuals and whatnot for the ice maker, and could probably take it apart and defrost it manually myself if I really wanted to, but I came across a number of internetz forums that tell me precisely how to resolve the problem easily...by using a hair dryer.

So, my inevitable conundrum. Do I go out and buy a hair dryer I'll never use for its intended purpose just to fix my fridge, thus ending my streak of not owning a hair dryer? Do I take apart the fridge, asserting my manliness, but risking breaking stuff? I pondered.

On a separate quest, I found myself in a store noted for selling items for the Bedroom, Bathroom, and Other-Farther-Reaching-Places. I decided to look at the hair dryers and see how cheaply I could get one. Turns out, the lowest price I could get out with was $19. I found this to be unacceptably high for a one-time freezer job. My next stop on this trip was a new hardware store in the area that for strictly Blag purposes, let's call "Port Payload Tools." On my way into the store, I grabbed a flyer. Lo and Behold, they were having a grand opening sale. One of the items on sale, a 1500-Watt Heat Gun for $13.

I'm the proud owner of a brand new "heat gun" which is a manly name for a hair dryer, and I paid $6 less for it. I WIN!

Jeremy's Wild Kingdom

It's Deer vs Turkeys vs The Neighbors' Cat for Ultimate Backyard Supremacy!


Let's get ready to not pay Michael Buffer any royaltieeeeeeeeeeees!


Not long ago, there was a remarkably entertaining spectacle. It featured a Battle Royale for majority control of my back yard. No, I was not involved...for some reason, I got left out. The players were a flock of 12 wild turkeys, 3 deer, and the neighbors' cat.


Tale of the tape:
White-Tailed Deer - Length 70", weight 200lbs
Wild Turkey - Length 30", weight 11lbs
Orange Tabby Cat - Length 18", weight 9lbs


I don't know who threw down first, but I imagine the cat was offended that all these foreigners were encroaching on his (or her...I actually don't know) turf. Either that, or the cat just wanted to hunt birds, and the Turkeys seemed tasty. So, the cat started chasing the turkeys around, and they didn't really want to have anything to do with him. Of course, the Deer, being significantly larger than the cat, were offended by the cat's presence, and started chasing after him and stamping their hooves.

After a while, the deer decided the cat wasn't a threat to anyone and moseyed back into the woods, but kept an eye on the proceedings. So the cat was now free to pounce around at the turkeys...which is actually pretty hilarious to watch. There were 12 turkeys, and each of them was bigger than the cat, and yet, every time the cat would move, the turkeys would scamper away. I guess even Wild Turkeys know their place on the Thanksgiving table. So, the cat was having a blast chasing the turkeys around the yard, never actually coming within 3 feet of any of them.

Once the cat was sufficiently satisfied that the turkeys were no longer on "his" property (which, BTW...I like to believe that it's mine, but try telling THAT to a cat) he lost interest in the turkeys and went off to take a dump in my raspberry bushes. Thanks for that.