Eventually, Early Wraps Around To Late

Has anyone actually graphed Health, Wealth, and Wisdom vs Sleep Schedule?  


For the most part, with the possible exception of wisdom, it seems like all of them are pretty quantifiable metrics that should be able to be plotted.  Somebody just needs to get on that.  


I agree.  We've all heard the old-timey phrase, "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."  Many of us have also heard the Equally Profound Corollary "Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, but socially dead." 

I'll wait here for a second while you watch the rest of the Wheel of Morality video...

So, I thought about this and got to thinking that the phrase was made during a time when the hours of the day were a slightly more rigid concept than they are today. 


There are still 24 hours in a day, dummy.  


Yes, but the activities during those hours are much more fluid than they used to be.  The world has gotten much smaller in the internets age, and people collaborate and communicate all over the world on a much more routine basis than when this phrase was coined.  Incidentally, the phrase is attributed to Benjamin Franklin and his book "Early Rising: A Natural, Social, and Religious Duty."  With people across multiple time zones living and working together much more regularly than they did back in Franklin's time, this makes the concept of "early" very different for every individual. 

Not only are people using different definitions of "early" when it comes to sleep patterns, but people's natural sleep cycles vary significantly, and the traditional concept of 8 hours of sleep per night is just as ambiguous.  On top of that, people of different ages require different amounts of sleep depending on their developmental needs, so early and early may not be best for them, medically. 

So, if we normalize the amount of sleep each person gets, is there a true correlation between start and stop times of sleep with respect to traditionally-defined standards of "early" and the resultant health, wealth, and wisdom of the test subject?  I'm not aware of any such studies being done.  Get on that, science! 

I'll Allow Two Weeks To Transition

Why is it a pair of pants, but only one shirt?  


Here we go...Jeremy's pondering again.


Well, it makes no sense.  Things need to make sense.

So, today's status obviously deals with semantics when it comes to articles of clothing...


That all depends on what you mean by "semantics..."


People tend to refer to certain clothing in singular terms, but others in plural, and I don't always know why.  I mean, some of them are pretty obvious, like a pair of socks, or a pair of shoes, in which there are two entirely separate pieces of clothing that come in a matched set, and you tend to wear both of them at the same time.  Gloves fall into this category as well.

But, when you talk about pants (and for the sake of today's discussion, we'll be dealing with the American definition of pants, and not the British version, but the same concept applies), they are most often referred to in the plural.  As in: This is my favorite pair of pants.  Why is this?  There is only one article of clothing. 

Pants and shirts are fairly similar clothes in concept.  They each are designed to cover a segment of a body's core, and two extremities.  The the case of a shirt, it covers your torso and two arms versus pants, which clothe the pelvic bum area and two legs. 


Can people please start using the phrase "Pelvic bum area" now?  


So I don't really understand where the semantic difference comes from that would lead you to need a pair of pants, when it is a single garment, versus a single shirt.  Sure, you have a pair of pant legs, but you also have a pair of shirt sleeves and nobody says "I'm going to wear this pair of shirts" when talking about one piece of clothing.


Can we at least say that this debate you're having with yourself is pants?


No, because that would be using the British version, which we already discounted.  Also, that's the slang usage anyway.

At this point, I'm not sure which side of the debate to fall on, but I would like us, as a society, to settle on a single usage for the sake of consistency.  We either need to refer to shirts as plural, or pants as singular.  So get used to it, folks...you will either need to start wearing a shirt and pant, or a pair of pants with your favorite shirts.  It's the only way. 

Did They Actually Mean The Monster?

Are Motley Crue and Alice Cooper singing about the same Frankenstein? 


To understand today's Status, you should probably familiarize yourself with Motley Crue's song "Dr. Feelgood" and Alice Cooper's "Feed My Frankenstein."  I can't promise you'll be happy with yourself, but you'll at least know why Jeremy thinks he's funny.  


Right you are!  So, in the songs LIR mentions, it's pretty clear that Mr. Cooper is singing about his Frankenstein.  If you want to know more about what this means, lyrical analyses are available on the internets as an exercise for the reader.  They're not exactly wholesome, but you should have known that right around the time I said the words "Alice Cooper."  Funny story, and I'm told it's true, but my boss at work apparently used to sit next to Alice Cooper (Or Vincent Furnier, as his birth certificate would lead you to think his name is) in church in Phoenix.

I'll let that sink in. 

Either way, Motley Crue sings about Dr. Feelgood in a song whose lyrics are also not particularly wholesome.  They refer to Dr. Feelgood as a man who is "gonna be your Frankenstein."  This leads me to wonder if the two aren't the same Frankenstein.  I'm pretty sure they are.


Anyway, just a couple things to wrap up from last week's Theme Week.  


Oh yes, of course.  Friday's entry in the "Dr. Seuss Character or Pokemon" Theme Week was Poliwhirl.  The Poliwhirl, of course, is a first-generation Pokemon which lives in fresh water and whose primary abilities appear to be having translucent skin and getting other Pokemon wet.  That's about it.  Which means the finals total from last week were three Dr. Seuss Characters and two Pokemon.  Thanks to everyone who played, and for the one person who actually recognized the hidden theme in the Post titles as characters in the Digimon universe.  We hope you enjoyed Theme Week.   

It's Like An Ace In The Hole

Is there a band that can “Rock and Roll” and “Party” at the same time?  

That assumes the possibility that Rocking and Rolling is not mutually exclusive to partying.  Which seems like at least a reasonably valid assumption.  

So, not long ago, I heard a song playing on the radio.  I forget what it was called.  But, the important part here is that the band seemed to expressing a desire to "Rock and Roll" all night in addition to "Partying" every day.  It was unclear if they were ultimately successful in either of their endeavors, but let's talk about goal setting for a bit here.  

I'm okay with a rock band wanting to Rock and Roll.  That is more or less what they're for.  But why do they limit themselves to merely wanting to Rock and Roll at night, when apparently the parties happen during the day.  If their rocking and rolling does not help contribute to the party, then they're either at the wrong party, or their rocking and rolling can't be very good.  Ideally, I would think that they could combine their efforts to everyone's benefit.  Rock and Roll at a party, thereby increasing the level of the party for all involved.  

It's also easier on the band's sleep schedule.  

However, I do understand that pulling this off would require finding a rock-and-roll-conducive party that lasts all night.  Otherwise, you end up rocking and rolling until the party ends, and you have nothing to do the rest of the night while you want to be rocking and rolling.  Conversely, if you rock and roll at an all-night party, then you may not feel up for partying during the day when you ostensibly want to be partying.  It's a conundrum.  

It seems to me that the easiest solution is to find a rock and roll band who is okay with doing their rocking and rolling during traditional partying hours and not limiting themselves to doing so all night.  Sometimes the most obvious solutions really are the best.  You know how the old adage goes...Keep It Simple, Stupid. 

September Ended Some Time Ago

I got to sleep in today because I can’t tell time!  


Well, I suppose that's one way to go about it.  Probably explains why you were late to work.  


I was in the office at precisely the usual time.  Maybe even a little early, since I beat that one school bus.

So, here's a little insight into how things go in Jeremy-Land. 

During the winter, the house tends to be pretty cold at night.  This is ostensibly to help the environment by lessening my use of fossil fuels, but it's also because it's cheaper.  I also own several blankets which do a terrific job of keeping me warm at night, and it would be a shame to waste their effectiveness.  I also enjoy wrapping myself up in a those blankets to make a little Jeremy Burrito at night, which would be too hot if the ambient temperature weren't on the low side.  Bottom line, cold house, warm blankets. 

That is, until about 20 minutes before my alarm goes off.

See, my programmable thermostat warms up the house during the time between my standard wake-up call and the time when I have to leave for work.  It's also smart enough to know that it takes around 20 minutes to heat the house, so it starts the ramp-up process a little early so that the correct temperature is achieved at the correct time.  It's pretty smart that way.

However, a side effect of that is that the temperature in the house is gradually increasing during that time to the point where the little Jeremy Burrito notices and becomes too warm, occasionally waking me up in that 20-minute window in between when the temperature starts increasing and when the alarm goes off.  It's a fact of life that I have to deal with in the winter months when the heat is on.  Not a big deal, usually.  If I find myself in this situation, I look at the clock, notice the time and make some snap decisions.

I believe I've noted on this Blag that despite my considerable genius, my brain may not be running at its full potential first thing in the morning. 

Regardless, if it's early in the temperature ramp process, and I still have around 20 minutes to go before the alarm, I just roll over and go back to sleep, effectively hitting the snooze button (which I otherwise never do on principle) until it's actually time to get up.  Failing that, if there's closer to 5 minutes left before alarm, there's not much snooze time left, and it will already be warm, so I'll just grab my phone and start reading through Email/Facebook/Twitter/Internets or whathaveyou to get a jump start on my day.  Then, once the alarm starts, I get out of bed and do the whole "getting up" thing. 

That's normal. 

Not long ago, I woke up in the morning, looked at the clock and noticed the time.  I figured that I had 5 minutes left until the alarm, so I grabbed the phone and started scrolling through notifications and such.  I went through this process for a little while before I realized that I was getting through more internets than I usually do in my 5 allotted minutes, and I was still cold, so I took another quick glance up at the clock (despite the fact that I was holding my phone which has any number of clocks on it).  It told me that I still had a full 28 minutes left before alarm time. 

So, apparently, my first viewing of the clock actually told me that I had 35 minutes of sleep time left, so I totally jumped the gun on the whole phone bit.  I still had a solid half hour to sleep in. 

It Was Zuckerberg, Wasn't It?

Almost wonder what became of that pen pal I was forced to have in first grade…

Almost.  Jeremy doesn't actually care. 

It's more a matter of idle curiosity than anything else.  I was listening to an audio book recently, and for some reason, something in the book made me think of the concept of Pen Pals.  Charlie Brown had one, at the very least.  For those of you who grew up in the internet age and are unaware of the concept, a Pen Pal is somebody you used to mail letters to and talk about...well, whatever it is you talked about with people.  Except that the person was really far away, you've probably never met, and the conversation takes place over the course of weeks because...mail.  83% of all people who had Pen Pals found them through a school project where a teacher forced them to write a letter to somebody, having no idea who was going to get the letter and hoping for the best.  

I was in that 83% back in my grade school days...I forget exactly when, but third grade seems reasonable.  It may have been first grade, but I'm not sure how good everybody's letter writing ability is in first grade, so...yeah.  

What's important here is that I had a pen pal.  I have no idea who that person was, and had very little of an idea back then.  We wrote at least two letters back and forth to each other before forgetting about the concept entirely and never hearing from one another since.  It was one of those things that a teacher forced me to do once, and as soon as a teacher stopped forcing me to do it, I stopped giving all craps and never did it again.  

In a way, this could be sad or remarkably unfortunate.  There exists a possibility that my former pen pal went on to do great things, like found a tech startup, or get elected to high public office, or be an important studio executive producer who could see clear to greenlighting one of my screenplays.  And the fact that I totally gave up on him or her when I was in grade school means I missed out on having a great and influential friendship.  

There also exists the possibility that my former pen pal is now a total dirtbag, rotting away in jail for a particularly heinous crime.  There's really no way to tell.  

So, if you're out there, and remember having a pen pal in the first or third grade forced upon you by your teacher, and that pen pal was a kid named Jeremy who probably told some stupid jokes and had ferociously bad handwriting...let me know how you're doing...especially if you work as an important studio executive producer.  The whole pen pal thing is much easier these days.

Who Else Could It Be?

What if Jenny was Jessie’s girl, and later had a daughter named Stacy?

In that case, the music world would be simplified pretty significantly.  At least by two people.  It's a start.  

So, I have a theory I'd like to share with you all.  

I present to you the possibility that Rick Springfield, Tommy Tutone, and Fountains of Wayne were all singing about the exact same person.  

I refer, of course, to the hit songs "Jessie's Girl" (Springfield), "867-5309/Jenny" (Tutone), and "Stacy's Mom" (Wayne).  They all refer to a woman of near transcendent beauty and intelligence and are the object of the artists' desires.  How hard is it to draw the conclusion that they've all been smitten by the same person?  

It all makes sense chronologically, too.  

"Jessie's Girl" was released in 198, and tells the story of a dejected Rick Springfield who is hopelessly in love with an unnamed woman who is in a relationship with Rick's friend Jessie.  The song ends with no change in relationship status, so it's safe to assume that Jessie and his girlfriend remain together.  

Towards the end of the year, Tommy Tutone learns of a girl's phone number when he finds it written on a wall.  Her name is Jenny, and we're led to believe that Tommy is aware of the person to which the name and number belong.  His story of unrequited love ends with him still not able to call her.  We can only assume that she's either still dating Jessie, or they broke up, and in a fit of post-break-up rage, Jessie scribbled her phone number on nearby walls to sully her reputation.  Either way, it's clearly the same person.  

22 years later, we hear of Fountains of Wayne, who are completely enamored with their friend Stacy's mother.  It's not much of a stretch to think that Stacy is the daughter of the very same Jenny, who married Jessie and had a child.  Jenny is still the same near-perfect person she has always been, and is now influencing a second generation with her desirability.

It's the only thing that makes sense.