People vs. Jeremy

Can a Star Trek transporter be used as a legal defense?  

In order to restore balance to the nerdiness, Jeremy is following up yesterday's Star Wars themed Status with a Star Trek themed Status.  Very inclusive of you, Jeremy.  

Thank you.  

So, I recently "read" an audio book that started with a bit of a thought experiment.  It goes basically thus:  

You own an axe.  You use it for a while and the blade breaks.  So, you go to the local hardware store, buy a new blade, attach it to the handle, and you have a functional axe again.  Later on, after further use, the handle breaks.  So, you go to the local hardware store, buy a new handle, attach it to the blade, and you have a functional axe again.  The question is, do you have the same axe you started with?  

It's interesting, because as much as you have entirely new components to your axe, you could make the case that since the entire thing was never replaced at once, and there is constant continuity between your existing axe and the original axe that you never replaced your axe.  

The same question applies to people.  

See, Star Trek transporters work on the very simple scientific fact that matter and energy are interchangeable.  The idea is that the transporter takes an image of every atom and subatomic particle in your body (compensating for the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle by using the brilliant "Heisenberg Compensator"), and converts all of it to energy.  At this point in time, you no longer exist, which is part of why Dr. McCoy always hated the transporter.  The energy is then "beamed" down to the surface of the planet and the original image is rebuilt in its new location, atom by atom.  The resulting person is quite genuinely not the original person, but a presumably perfect reproduction of the person on the spaceship.  

So, can this be used as a legal defense?  "I didn't shoot that person with the phaser.  The person I was before I transported did it!  I'm just a recreation."  To my knowledge, this important legal concept has never been broached in the episodes of Star Trek I've watched.  It's important because...you know...it could happen some day...presumably around 46 years from April 5. 

Give or take.

Would I Believe An X-Wing?

If you really had the Millennium Falcon, you wouldn’t be driving a busted old Subaru

There's nothing wrong with driving a busted old Subaru.  Those cars are built to last.  

To be clear, I'm not casting aspersions on anybody's car, be it a busted old Subaru, a brand new Maserati, or a 6 year old Hyundai...

Guess which one is Jeremy's.

...but when I see a bumper sticker on my car that says "My Other Car Is The Millennium Falcon" I get confused.  Why would anybody choose to drive a car such as this if they had the Millennium Falcon at their disposal?   

Instead of being stuck at the same red light in mall traffic in front of a 6 year old Hyundai, you could be (quite literally) rising above it all and soaring away in your Class 0.5 Hyperdrive-equipped space freighter.  Leave the traffic (and quite frankly the whole planet) behind and explore the solar system, other worlds, discover new places, meet new species, try to break the 12-parsec record for the Kessel Run.  The entire galaxy is at your beck and call...so why in the name of all things good and plenty are you sitting here with me?  

I can imagine that you're not comfortable enough yet with the concepts and theories of Faster Than Light travel, celestial navigation is difficult, and maybe fuel for the Falcon is expensive, but you're also not going to solve any of those issues stuck in traffic.  

It actually seems more plausible that you really don't have the Millennium Falcon, and your bumper sticker is lying to me.  Having the Millennium Falcon on earth would mean that somebody brought it here from a distant galaxy (which, even given the extreme nature of illegally-modded hyperdrive would take centuries) and just left it here for you to buy.  It's also ridiculously old.  There is no definitive time frame for the Millennium Falcon (only that the events concerning the ship happened a "long time ago"), but estimates go up to almost 2.6 million years and are based on topics far too scientific to be healthy for somebody to have calculated.  Also, if somebody in the Greater Jeremy Area had the Millennium Falcon, (which does not have a cloaking device), it couldn't be hidden very well, and we would all know about it by now.  It would be on TV and all over the internets where the new owner of the Millennium Falcon was. 

I find it very unlikely that your other car really is the Millennium Falcon.  I therefore call Bunk on your bumper sticker. 

Don't Need A Live Rooster, Either

Happy Thanksgiving, from Jeremy's Sametime Status! 


Thanks, Jeremy.  Enjoy your Turkey Day.  


So, here we are at the kickoff of another holiday season.  It's time for cold weather, hot chocolate, way too much food, and probably some other stuff.  Decorations, maybe.

If you're wondering what to get your favorite comedy blagger for Christmas, you're not alone.  Candlesticks don't always make a nice gift, and I'm not registered anywhere that you can get a placesetting or a silverware pattern...not that I need any of that stuff anyway. 


Alright, let's get two!  


Either way, work's been pretty crazy lately, so I've decided not to do it anymore...at least for a couple days.  It's time for turkey!  See you next week. 


Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out Of The Office starting tomorrow, and returning monday, November 28th with all new nonsense.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and safe travels for anyone hitting the roads. 

They Made A Documentary Or Something

For Cubs fans, winning the world series would be the greatest thing since sliced bread   

Chicago is quite well known for their bread.  Though usually, it's at the bottom of a deep-dish pizza, but that's hardly worth mentioning.  

So I was made aware of something fascinating yesterday.  Baseball is still happening!  Here we are in this semi-mythical time where all of the major sports are apparently playing.  Hockey season started a couple weeks ago, the Football season is in full swing, Basketball starts up this week (I was made aware of that even more recently than the baseball thing), and Baseball begins its World Series this week.  I was surprised that baseball was still happening...I would have thought they would have sorted that out by now, but apparently they need a couple more weeks.  

Anyway, this year's World Series features the Cleveland Indians versus the Chicago Cubs.  That's not a joke.  

The Cleveland Indians (and why I've typed "Clevelant" both times so far, I will never know...thank you, Spellcheck) last won the World Series in 1948, which I found at least a little confusing, since I thought they had won in the 1989 season.  As it turns out, they merely won a divisional playoff tiebreaker game, and lost the American League Championship Series to Chicago.  Box scores and particularly statistics for star pitcher Ricky Vaughn are difficult to locate.  The Indians made it to the World Series the following year, again on the strength of Vaughn's right arm, but strangely again, no statistics for the following series are available.  Regardless, it is a fantastically long championship drought.   

But it pales in comparison to the Championship Drought of the Chicago Cubs.  

Highly Reliable Sources have informed me that the Chicago Cubs' current streak of championship-less seasons is the longest in all of North America's major professional sports.  The last time the Cubs lifted Lord Stanley's Cup, The Vince Lombardi Trophy, The Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy, The Commissioner's Trophy (Seriously...that's the name...awful) was in 1908, when precisely none of the current roster's grandparents were alive.  I mean...I'm guessing...but I'll bet a dollar that I'm right.  

Another thing that didn't exist in 1908...sliced bread.  

As we're well aware, sliced bread was invented in 1928, and it was the greatest thing since bread was wrapped.  So, quite literally, if the Chicago Cubs were to win the World Series this year it would be the greatest thing for Cubs fans since sliced bread.