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I sincerely doubt I will ever want to tweet about a self-storage warehouse

Well, maybe if you won one of them on that fake game show about buying abandoned storage units, you'd tweet about it.  

  

I suppose that's true.  But, failing that, I don't see anything all that tweet-worthy about self storage warehouses. 

So, self-storage warehouses are pretty boring.  They're a big ol' building with a bunch of lockers of various sizes inside.  You rent one out for some defined period of time, come in, stuff in a bunch of the crap you own but don't have room for in your current living arrangement, and...well...that's about it.  

I can see why there would be differences from one self-storage warehouse to another.  Some might be in better locations, have wider easier-access doors, better climate control, better lighting, improved security...you know...things like that.  Depending on your self-storage needs, these might lead you to pick one location over another, and that seems perfectly reasonable.  But why would you ever want to tweet about it?  

See, there are a number of self-storage warehouses in the Greater Jeremy Area, since people around here apparently like to store stuff.  I've never researched any of them, so I have no idea what amenities any of them offer over another to offer a valid comparison.  What I do know is that one of them has a programmable lighted sign out front which can be easily seen from the major road.  When I drove past it recently, the sign read "Deals You Can Tweet About."

False.  

Of course, I can't quite detail what kind of deal I could get on a self-storage locker in that particular warehouse (or any other, for that matter), but I can just about guarantee that I won't be tweeting about it.  I will, however, Blag about their stupid sign. 

Samba or Mambo?

What’s a Menuto Suit?  

Probably something very colorful and suited to an 80's boy band from Puerto Rico?

  

Well, that would be a Menudo Suit, wouldn't it?  

Yes...why, what were you looking for?

So, I have had this issue with a sign in a local restaurant for a couple months now.  I know exactly what it's supposed to be saying, but as you are well aware, my mind isn't usually prone to reinterpretation once I have it made up.  I've decided that a Menuto Suit is a thing I'm not aware of, so I must figure it out.  

In this restaurant, to which I am a frequent visitor since it's close to work, has a sign behind the counter advertising their catering service.  Personally, I've never used this service, but I know people who have, and it's delicious.  They specialize in barbecue foods like pulled pork, ribs, briskets, and other such things that are making me hungry right now.  They offer to bring their wares to your party for you, cutting down on work and cooking that you have to do...you know...the exact thing that a catering service does that I really didn't need to describe here.  

Either way, the sign is hand-written on a white board by a person whose handwriting is only slightly better than my own.  (My own is miserable, hence all the typing on a Blag here)  The sign promises that they have "A Menuto Suit Everyone."  The actual message is obvious, but it's written so poorly and with such awful kerning (is kerning a thing in handwriting, and not just typefacing?) that I can't help but think of Menuto Suits.  And 80's Puerto Rican singing groups...which is never a good place to go.  

Please make a new sign. 

Specializing in Blag and Non-Blag Writing

A local mechanic is “Specializing in Foreign and Domestic”…also known as “everything”  

Well, if you have to have a specialty, I suppose everything is better than nothing, right?

That's at least partially true, but if you're specializing in everything, doesn't that also mean that you're specializing in nothing?  I mean...it's much like the argument that everything can't be awesome, since if there is no un-awesome, then everything is just mediocre.  Nothing stands out when everything is on the same level.  

So, there's a mechanic's garage that I drive past on my way to work.  They seem to be at least farily popular, since they've got cars parked around them pretty much every time I go by.  That said, the place doesn't quite look like a truly high-end garage.  The floor is not clean, things appear at least a bit cluttered at first glance, they don't appear to have a whole lot of storage for spare parts, and the types of cars that are usually there are normally older and...shall we say...not in pristine condition.  That said, I'm entirely certain that they have all of the requisite certifications and training to be a reputable auto repair shop, so don't go basing your business decisions on my drive-by opinion.  I've never been there, so I'm not a reliable source of information.  

So, the big sign over top of the building says the name of the garage, and underneath says that they are "Specializing in Foreign and Domestic."  This is at least somewhat important, because some garages don't work on certain makes of cars due to training, parts, maintainability, things like that.  Often times, foreign cars are discriminated against for these types of factors.  So, finding a repair shop that specializes in foreign cars can be useful.  

It should be noted that Jeremy drives a foreign car, but it's under warranty, so he just brings his to the dealer and they pay for fixing it.  

So, a garage that specializes in foreign cars can be a plus.  A garage that specializes in domestic cars can be a plus for other people.  Of course, at that point, you have exhausted the list of available cars.  They're either made in the US (Domestic), or somewhere else (Foreign).  There is nothing else.  Period.  So, once you divide cars into Foreign and Domestic, you have precisely nothing left.  So, once you specialize in one type, if you add the other, you are no longer specializing.  You're just working on cars.