There's A Worse Example Out There, I'm Sure

I thought a washing machine with a remote control would be a remarkably dumb invention.  One already exists  

Well, strictly speaking, the one you found doesn't have a "remote control" as such...it's connected to an app on your mobile device.

Well, yes...but the fact that such a thing exists is at least mildly disturbing to me.  Let's take a step back...

STORY TIME!!!

So, not long ago,  I was explaining the basic tenets of engineering to a friend of mine.  Primarily, I was referring to the most basic root of engineering...that engineering is the art and science of laziness.  Really, that's what it's all about.  Engineers spend their entire careers going really far out of their way to be lazy.  Here's my go-to example:  An engineer sat around their desk for weeks if not months creating circuit diagrams and playing with power supplies and logic design and infrared transmitters all so that he wouldn't have to get up off of the couch to change the channel of the television.  This truly epitomizes laziness...and the remote control was one of the defining inventions of the 20th century.  

So much so, that when we buy just about anything now, we're disappointed if it doesn't have a remote control.  Televisions, radios, cars, light switches, lawn sprinklers, fans, air conditioners, garage doors, Lederhosen, the list goes on and on.  

So, I started to think about my initial premise, about how we're disappointed with something we buy if it doesn't have a remote control, and took it to an illogical conclusion: Something that could not possibly benefit from a remote control.  I thought of what possible use one could have for a washing machine that had a remote control.  It makes no sense whatsoever that you would need this feature.  Why?  BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE STANDING IN FRONT OF THE THING TO PUT LAUNDRY IN IT!  How in the name of all things good and plenty would you be standing there, load the washing machine, put soap and whatnot into the dispenser, close the door, then need to walk away before turning the thing on?  There is no reason for this whatsoever.  Don't even argue this. 

Well, whatever brain-dead imbecile would need this feature is covered now, thanks to (at the very least...I grew tired of humanity after finding the first search result.  I assume there are more, God save us) the Samsung F900 washing machine, complete with the remarkably inappropriately named "Smart Control" which connects your washing machine to your iOS or Android device.  That's right...your washing machine now has a remote control.  Of course, you still need to get up off the couch to put your clothes into it, but we're one step closer to ultimate laziness.  Get on that load step, engineers! 

Specializing in Blag and Non-Blag Writing

A local mechanic is “Specializing in Foreign and Domestic”…also known as “everything”  

Well, if you have to have a specialty, I suppose everything is better than nothing, right?

That's at least partially true, but if you're specializing in everything, doesn't that also mean that you're specializing in nothing?  I mean...it's much like the argument that everything can't be awesome, since if there is no un-awesome, then everything is just mediocre.  Nothing stands out when everything is on the same level.  

So, there's a mechanic's garage that I drive past on my way to work.  They seem to be at least farily popular, since they've got cars parked around them pretty much every time I go by.  That said, the place doesn't quite look like a truly high-end garage.  The floor is not clean, things appear at least a bit cluttered at first glance, they don't appear to have a whole lot of storage for spare parts, and the types of cars that are usually there are normally older and...shall we say...not in pristine condition.  That said, I'm entirely certain that they have all of the requisite certifications and training to be a reputable auto repair shop, so don't go basing your business decisions on my drive-by opinion.  I've never been there, so I'm not a reliable source of information.  

So, the big sign over top of the building says the name of the garage, and underneath says that they are "Specializing in Foreign and Domestic."  This is at least somewhat important, because some garages don't work on certain makes of cars due to training, parts, maintainability, things like that.  Often times, foreign cars are discriminated against for these types of factors.  So, finding a repair shop that specializes in foreign cars can be useful.  

It should be noted that Jeremy drives a foreign car, but it's under warranty, so he just brings his to the dealer and they pay for fixing it.  

So, a garage that specializes in foreign cars can be a plus.  A garage that specializes in domestic cars can be a plus for other people.  Of course, at that point, you have exhausted the list of available cars.  They're either made in the US (Domestic), or somewhere else (Foreign).  There is nothing else.  Period.  So, once you divide cars into Foreign and Domestic, you have precisely nothing left.  So, once you specialize in one type, if you add the other, you are no longer specializing.  You're just working on cars.  

Kill Something New, Grog

Who was the first caveman to say, “Is that pelt from last season?”  

I believe that would be Grog.  He was from the West Side Caves.  Number 221, if I'm not mistaken. 

What the crap are you talking about?  

Anyway...I should preface things here.  I know next to nothing about fashion.  The things that I do know, I learned from watching "The Devil Wears Prada," which I pretty much hated the very concept of despite the film starring Anne Hathaway.  Over 90% of the clothing I own has come from one store, and I purchased none of if because I saw it on a Hollywood celebrity or in a magazine which tells me what I need to wear.  I think the concept of fashion as a constantly changing paradigm is nonsensical drivel handed to us by the only people who stand to profit from the concept of fashion being a constantly changing paradigm.  It's akin to Hallmark telling me what holidays I should send people cards for.  They might be just a little biased.  

That said, I recently watched a video on the internets about the three types of shoes I need to have in my wardrobe.  

It was presented by a guy wearing a cravat, so right off the bat, I'm skeptical about the veracity of the video, but I was curious about just how far behind the times I am on my footwear choices.  The video showed several styles of shoes, none of which looked even remotely comfortable, with cravat-boy explaining why each one of them is perfect for whatever you choose to wear, up to and including a tuxedo.  It was almost entirely worthless information, with the possible exception of amusing me with the number of times the words "chukka boots" were said.  If that were a drinking game, I would no longer be here to write this Blag for you.  

The true highlight of the video for me came when cravat-boy was asked about shoes with flat toes, as opposed to the entire store's collection of pointed-toe shoes.  The response was a sour look and a simple and nearly disgusted, "we've moved past that."  It reminded me of the only time in my life I grew to hate somebody because of fashion.  During a discussion about clothing (which I was most assuredly NOT a part of), this person asked in an entirely sincere and derisive manner, "Oh...isn't that from LAST season?"  If somebody ever needed to be slapped for asking a question, I think that was it.  It should be pointed out here that I did not slap this person.  

So this type of nonsense had to have started at some point, where we look down at people who wear clothes more than 6 months old because they're out of style.  Sure, there are larger trends that come and go over time (I'm looking at you, 1980's), but the simple and undeniable fact is that fashion, due entirely to the multi-billion-dollar fashion industry is now a fast-moving death cycle which you can only keep up with if you devote your life and career to keeping up with it.  I do not, and thus, I am an object of derision by people with internet videos wearing cravats.  When did this garbage start?  I choose to believe that a caveman was wearing an animal skin from deer season when zebras were in style.  What was Grog thinking?