Happy Holidays, from Jeremy’s Sametime Status!
Thanks, Jeremy's Sametime Status. Happy holidays to you, too. Jeremy, on the other hand, can shove it.
Hey now!
So anyway, today is a special day. It marks not only the end of the week, but the end of the year in terms of Sametime Status updates. I'll be on vacation next week, and coming back after Christmas, but since nobody's at work that week, there's not a lot of point using my best Status material when nobody's around to see it. So, join us in 2011, when we start a brand new year of Sametimey Goodness here on Jeremy Is In The Office!
Here's where I'm contractually obligated to tell you that Jeremy Is In The Office will be out of the office from Dec 18th through Jan 3, 2011. To everyone on the road, safe travels, to everyone enjoy the holidays, drink plenty of egg nog (spiked or otherwise), eat more cookies than you really should, and join us right here on your favorite Sametime Status Repository for a brand new year of fun and frivolity!
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Please stop
It's unfortunate that so much Holiday Music lends itself to using children's choirs
Oh come on, Jeremy...let the kids in on the spirit of the season, too.
I'm all for it. I just don't want to have to hear it. Children's choirs are the bane of my existence, in case you didn't know. In fact, it's a sentiment that's shared by lots of people who don't write a Blag of their Instant Messenger statuses. A while back, I introduced you all to The Most Unwanted Music, which is a 20-minute long song comprised of the primary elements that people most hated to hear in songs. These included opera singers rapping, screaming political rhetoric, and holiday-themed commercial jingles sung by a children's choir.
Don't believe me that they're awful? Here's your proof:
Christmas
Yom Kippur
Labor Day
They're all kinda the same.
Entirely beside the point. They're jingles using a children's choir, and they're awful. Enjoy!
So you said you'd be posting an answer today...
Indeed. In his legendary hockey career, the great Gordie Howe managed to complete the eponymous "Gordie Howe Hat Trick" a full two times, both against the Toronto Maple Leafs.
October 11, 1953: Scored a goal, assisted on Red Kelly's goal, and fought Fernie Flaman
March 21, 1954: Howe scored the opening goal, assisted on two Ted Lindsay goals, and fought Ted "Teeder" Kennedy.
Oh come on, Jeremy...let the kids in on the spirit of the season, too.
I'm all for it. I just don't want to have to hear it. Children's choirs are the bane of my existence, in case you didn't know. In fact, it's a sentiment that's shared by lots of people who don't write a Blag of their Instant Messenger statuses. A while back, I introduced you all to The Most Unwanted Music, which is a 20-minute long song comprised of the primary elements that people most hated to hear in songs. These included opera singers rapping, screaming political rhetoric, and holiday-themed commercial jingles sung by a children's choir.
Don't believe me that they're awful? Here's your proof:
Christmas
Yom Kippur
Labor Day
They're all kinda the same.
Entirely beside the point. They're jingles using a children's choir, and they're awful. Enjoy!
So you said you'd be posting an answer today...
Indeed. In his legendary hockey career, the great Gordie Howe managed to complete the eponymous "Gordie Howe Hat Trick" a full two times, both against the Toronto Maple Leafs.
October 11, 1953: Scored a goal, assisted on Red Kelly's goal, and fought Fernie Flaman
March 21, 1954: Howe scored the opening goal, assisted on two Ted Lindsay goals, and fought Ted "Teeder" Kennedy.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Get It Right, Have Somebody Help You, Then Punch Them In The Face
Pop Quiz! How many of the eponymous "Gordie Howe Hat Tricks" did Gordie Howe record in his career?
You just wanted to use the word "Eponymous."
Maybe...but it's also a little bit of trivia I recently learned.
For those who are caught unawares, the "Gordie Howe Hat Trick" is named after hockey legend Gordie Howe, widely regarded as one of the best players ever to put on the foil. He led the league in goals 4 times, assists 3 times, and total points 6 times. When he retired, he was the leading goal, assist, and point scorer in the history of pro hockey, only to be surpassed by Wayne Gretzky years later.
Howe also played with a bit of an edge to his game. He was not afraid to throw down the gloves and amassed a career total of 1685 penalty minutes. While this is a far cry from Tiger Williams' record 3966 career minutes in the Sin Bin, it makes Gretzky's 577 minute total look pretty silly.
Long after his retirement, the term "Gordie Howe Hat Trick" was coined to describe when a player registers a Goal, an Assist, and a Fight in a single game. It's a somewhat rare treat in today's game of specialization, where the fighters rarely score, and the scorers rarely fight...but there have been 6 of them so far this season. The question is...how many times did Gordie Howe pull it off?
Answer will be posted tomorrow.
You just wanted to use the word "Eponymous."
Maybe...but it's also a little bit of trivia I recently learned.
For those who are caught unawares, the "Gordie Howe Hat Trick" is named after hockey legend Gordie Howe, widely regarded as one of the best players ever to put on the foil. He led the league in goals 4 times, assists 3 times, and total points 6 times. When he retired, he was the leading goal, assist, and point scorer in the history of pro hockey, only to be surpassed by Wayne Gretzky years later.
Howe also played with a bit of an edge to his game. He was not afraid to throw down the gloves and amassed a career total of 1685 penalty minutes. While this is a far cry from Tiger Williams' record 3966 career minutes in the Sin Bin, it makes Gretzky's 577 minute total look pretty silly.
Long after his retirement, the term "Gordie Howe Hat Trick" was coined to describe when a player registers a Goal, an Assist, and a Fight in a single game. It's a somewhat rare treat in today's game of specialization, where the fighters rarely score, and the scorers rarely fight...but there have been 6 of them so far this season. The question is...how many times did Gordie Howe pull it off?
Answer will be posted tomorrow.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Everything I sign smells like coffee now
Many pen casings have a hole in the side to prevent you from using them as a coffee stirrer again
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Thanks for your support, LIR.
AAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAAAHAHA!!
So anyway...not long ago, I realized I didn't grab one of those swizzle sticks (or maybe they're little straws, I forget, but that's beside the point) after walking back to my office with my coffee. This made me a little sad, since now all the good stuff would be settled at the bottom, and I'd have to drink half a cub of lousy dark, bitter coffee before I had enough room to swirl it around to mix it. I quickly glanced around the office looking for a swizzle or something I could use as a swizzle, ultimately deciding that a pen that was conveniently located on my desk would be an acceptable alternative.
Truth be told, I have three pens on my desk. Two of them are the cheapest kind of plastic crap you can buy at a bulk office furnishings store. The third is the second cheapest kind of plastic crap you can buy at a bulk office furnishings store, made more expensive by the rubber grip thingy on the business end.
Because it has the little rubber grip thingy on the end, I tend to use this pen more than the others. I'm actually not sure why I had the other two. Anyway, without thinking, and with assuming the casing was air-tight, I dump the back of the good pen into the coffee and give it a quick stir. Pulling the pen out of the cup revealed my tragic mistake. The casing of the pen was now full of coffee because this was one of those pens that has that little hole in the side for some completely unknown reason. Seriously...somebody tell me why that hole exists!
In an amusing twist ending, both of the super crappy pens are completely sealed, and would have made a better coffee stirrer than the "good" pen that I actually used. I've now purchased a small pack of swizzle sticks and keep them in my desk drawer for use on just such an occasion. I've also thrown away my good pen, and there's nothing left in the supply room but the crappy ones.
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Thanks for your support, LIR.
AAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAAAHAHA!!
So anyway...not long ago, I realized I didn't grab one of those swizzle sticks (or maybe they're little straws, I forget, but that's beside the point) after walking back to my office with my coffee. This made me a little sad, since now all the good stuff would be settled at the bottom, and I'd have to drink half a cub of lousy dark, bitter coffee before I had enough room to swirl it around to mix it. I quickly glanced around the office looking for a swizzle or something I could use as a swizzle, ultimately deciding that a pen that was conveniently located on my desk would be an acceptable alternative.
Truth be told, I have three pens on my desk. Two of them are the cheapest kind of plastic crap you can buy at a bulk office furnishings store. The third is the second cheapest kind of plastic crap you can buy at a bulk office furnishings store, made more expensive by the rubber grip thingy on the business end.
Because it has the little rubber grip thingy on the end, I tend to use this pen more than the others. I'm actually not sure why I had the other two. Anyway, without thinking, and with assuming the casing was air-tight, I dump the back of the good pen into the coffee and give it a quick stir. Pulling the pen out of the cup revealed my tragic mistake. The casing of the pen was now full of coffee because this was one of those pens that has that little hole in the side for some completely unknown reason. Seriously...somebody tell me why that hole exists!
In an amusing twist ending, both of the super crappy pens are completely sealed, and would have made a better coffee stirrer than the "good" pen that I actually used. I've now purchased a small pack of swizzle sticks and keep them in my desk drawer for use on just such an occasion. I've also thrown away my good pen, and there's nothing left in the supply room but the crappy ones.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I just don't get irony
It was optimistic to think "The Christmas Tree Shop" would have a good selection of Christmas lights
I guess they played a great joke on you then.
So it would seem.
Of course...normally you obscure the names of the large, faceless, atomatonic corporations you deal with.
Somehow, everybody figured out who "High's Home Improvements" was anyway. But in this case, I couldn't come up with a way to obfuscate the name. They actually do a good enough job as it is, because one other thing that's conspicuously missing from the store is a display of...you know...Christmas trees. It was a little surprising, considering this time of year should be their wheelhouse. Instead, I get treated to about 500 boxes of white lights (I was looking for a single strand of blue lights), and their usual store full of cosmetics. I was confused.
I guess they played a great joke on you then.
So it would seem.
Of course...normally you obscure the names of the large, faceless, atomatonic corporations you deal with.
Somehow, everybody figured out who "High's Home Improvements" was anyway. But in this case, I couldn't come up with a way to obfuscate the name. They actually do a good enough job as it is, because one other thing that's conspicuously missing from the store is a display of...you know...Christmas trees. It was a little surprising, considering this time of year should be their wheelhouse. Instead, I get treated to about 500 boxes of white lights (I was looking for a single strand of blue lights), and their usual store full of cosmetics. I was confused.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Already?
It's Password Day! My email password is no longer tw1l1ghtrulez
Oh come on, Jeremy. Who doesn't love angsty teenage vampire stories?
Me. And you just spouted off everything I know about the Twilight series.
There are werewolves involved as well.
Well, there you have it.
Anyway...it's at this point in the "Password Day" post that I feel obligated to inform the Readership that this, nor any of the "Password Day" passwords listed on this site have ever been used as my actual email password. So no trying to hack into my email...you'll look silly.
What amuses me about the "Password Day" phenomenon, in addition to how stunningly frequent it is, is the degrade in my productivity. For the next couple days, I will have the pleasure of typing my passwords in twice. Once using the old password, which will summarily be rejected, followed by the new password, and then I can log into the system. It happens more often than you might think.
Oh come on, Jeremy. Who doesn't love angsty teenage vampire stories?
Me. And you just spouted off everything I know about the Twilight series.
There are werewolves involved as well.
Well, there you have it.
Anyway...it's at this point in the "Password Day" post that I feel obligated to inform the Readership that this, nor any of the "Password Day" passwords listed on this site have ever been used as my actual email password. So no trying to hack into my email...you'll look silly.
What amuses me about the "Password Day" phenomenon, in addition to how stunningly frequent it is, is the degrade in my productivity. For the next couple days, I will have the pleasure of typing my passwords in twice. Once using the old password, which will summarily be rejected, followed by the new password, and then I can log into the system. It happens more often than you might think.
Monday, December 6, 2010
I'm hoping it is, though
Somehow, I doubt that's the last I'll hear from the Satellite TV company
I wouldn't be so sure of that. I'm pretty sure they're finished with you. What with you never being a customer and having no plans to become one.
I honestly doubt that's going to phase a large, automatonic corporation like the satellite TV folks. It didn't stop them from sending me an important-looking envelope with "FINAL NOTICE" written across the front. It actually looked official, and I was concerned for a moment...thinking maybe I forgot a credit card or house payment or something and my credit rating was about to be flushed down the pan.
Per their plan, I immediately opened the envelope only to find that it was my final notice to order the satellite TV company's service at their special rate. Oddly enough, I declined their offer. I'm pretty sure I'll have another chance to be their customer.
I wouldn't be so sure of that. I'm pretty sure they're finished with you. What with you never being a customer and having no plans to become one.
I honestly doubt that's going to phase a large, automatonic corporation like the satellite TV folks. It didn't stop them from sending me an important-looking envelope with "FINAL NOTICE" written across the front. It actually looked official, and I was concerned for a moment...thinking maybe I forgot a credit card or house payment or something and my credit rating was about to be flushed down the pan.
Per their plan, I immediately opened the envelope only to find that it was my final notice to order the satellite TV company's service at their special rate. Oddly enough, I declined their offer. I'm pretty sure I'll have another chance to be their customer.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Theme Week, Part The Van
Lessons From "The A Team" Week! When taking prisoners, avoid locking them in a room with a toolbox and a welding torch
Part "The Van"?
I made a critical mistake in developing this Theme Week. There are only four members of The A Team, and there are 5 days in the work week.
Could have gone with Lynch, or Decker...
Colonel Morrison may have actually been more appropriate, and there was also the reporter, Amy Allen, who only showed up in the first season, but those all seemed like stretches, so I had to choose between the Van and one of Murdock's alter egoes (Captain Bellybuster immediately sprang to mind for some bizarre reason). Since I already used Murdock for a title, I decided on The Van.
Alright...so anyway...taking prisoners.
It never made sense to me why these criminal organizations always took members of The A Team captive. The masterminds were hidden safely away in their offices, and their jabronis would capture one or more of the heroes, and would invariably want to either take them to a meeting with the mastermind, or lock them into a room to await the arrival of the aforementioned mastermind. If you're a good criminal jabroni, you should probably just deal with these types of nuisances yourself, and not leave them for your boss...I mean, come on...show some initiative! That's why you're a jabroni.
Focus, Jeremy.
Sorry. So anyway, when they locked their prisoners in a small room or barn or something, they invariably made the mistake of not properly preparing a room for prisoners. Step one should be cleaning the place out so there's nothing that can be used as a weapon against you. Important things to look for are tanks of potentially explosive gasses, automobiles, heavy construction/demolition equipment, toolboxes, and welding torches. It seems pretty obvious when you're reading it here, but in the heat of the moment, apparently, it's pretty easy to overlook.
Part "The Van"?
I made a critical mistake in developing this Theme Week. There are only four members of The A Team, and there are 5 days in the work week.
Could have gone with Lynch, or Decker...
Colonel Morrison may have actually been more appropriate, and there was also the reporter, Amy Allen, who only showed up in the first season, but those all seemed like stretches, so I had to choose between the Van and one of Murdock's alter egoes (Captain Bellybuster immediately sprang to mind for some bizarre reason). Since I already used Murdock for a title, I decided on The Van.
Alright...so anyway...taking prisoners.
It never made sense to me why these criminal organizations always took members of The A Team captive. The masterminds were hidden safely away in their offices, and their jabronis would capture one or more of the heroes, and would invariably want to either take them to a meeting with the mastermind, or lock them into a room to await the arrival of the aforementioned mastermind. If you're a good criminal jabroni, you should probably just deal with these types of nuisances yourself, and not leave them for your boss...I mean, come on...show some initiative! That's why you're a jabroni.
Focus, Jeremy.
Sorry. So anyway, when they locked their prisoners in a small room or barn or something, they invariably made the mistake of not properly preparing a room for prisoners. Step one should be cleaning the place out so there's nothing that can be used as a weapon against you. Important things to look for are tanks of potentially explosive gasses, automobiles, heavy construction/demolition equipment, toolboxes, and welding torches. It seems pretty obvious when you're reading it here, but in the heat of the moment, apparently, it's pretty easy to overlook.
Theme Week, Part Bosco
Lessons From "The A Team" Week! Kidnapping does not make a good "Plan B"
I guess you run out of options pretty quickly.
Well, you do get into a no-win situation pretty quickly when dealing with The A Team. However, when things start hitting the fan, it's most important to maintain your composure and not make any rash decisions like kidnapping the very person who hired The A Team to take down your evil empire. Once you stop thinking farther ahead than Hannibal, you're finished.
Most times, when corrupt crine syndicate leaders run into adversity (apparently) they reort to kidnapping. Historically, this has proved to be a poor decision, as it merely steels the resolve of The A Team to take you down and rescue your hostage. It always ends the same way...you get punched and thrown over your desk.
I guess you run out of options pretty quickly.
Well, you do get into a no-win situation pretty quickly when dealing with The A Team. However, when things start hitting the fan, it's most important to maintain your composure and not make any rash decisions like kidnapping the very person who hired The A Team to take down your evil empire. Once you stop thinking farther ahead than Hannibal, you're finished.
Most times, when corrupt crine syndicate leaders run into adversity (apparently) they reort to kidnapping. Historically, this has proved to be a poor decision, as it merely steels the resolve of The A Team to take you down and rescue your hostage. It always ends the same way...you get punched and thrown over your desk.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Theme Week, Part Templeton
Lessons From "The A Team" Week! Cars explode a minimum of 3 times
Okay, seriously? Part "Templeton"? Who names their kid Templeton?
Mrs. Peck, I assume...as well as the parents of 2212 other people in the US, if the Internets are to be believed.
So today's Lesson from The A Team seems to be an important safety tip for would-be crime syndicate leaders.
Not just the leaders, mind you...it may actually apply more directly to the hired goons. After all, they're the ones who are going to be in the firefight at the end of the episode than the bosses.
It's very important to know that if you're driving into battle against The A Team, that your car is basically cannon fodder. By the end of it, it's going to have a radiator leak due to a bullet, or flat tires at the very least. More often, it will be crushed by some kind of heavy equipment, flipped onto its roof (don't worry, you'll be perfectly safe inside if this happens), or blown up. The interesting part of the car blowing up is that your car will very quickly succumb to a fiery ball of explosion that will actually leave the car almost entirely intact, except for the flames. Here's where the trick is...because you may think that the car is still serviceable and want to move back towards it, but you really shouldn't. There are at least two more fiery explosions waiting for it. That can get dangerous, so stay away and concentrate on the upcoming hand to hand combat.
If you don't believe me, watch any episode of The A Team where a car explodes. (That would be most of them) Three explosions, minimum!
Okay, seriously? Part "Templeton"? Who names their kid Templeton?
Mrs. Peck, I assume...as well as the parents of 2212 other people in the US, if the Internets are to be believed.
So today's Lesson from The A Team seems to be an important safety tip for would-be crime syndicate leaders.
Not just the leaders, mind you...it may actually apply more directly to the hired goons. After all, they're the ones who are going to be in the firefight at the end of the episode than the bosses.
It's very important to know that if you're driving into battle against The A Team, that your car is basically cannon fodder. By the end of it, it's going to have a radiator leak due to a bullet, or flat tires at the very least. More often, it will be crushed by some kind of heavy equipment, flipped onto its roof (don't worry, you'll be perfectly safe inside if this happens), or blown up. The interesting part of the car blowing up is that your car will very quickly succumb to a fiery ball of explosion that will actually leave the car almost entirely intact, except for the flames. Here's where the trick is...because you may think that the car is still serviceable and want to move back towards it, but you really shouldn't. There are at least two more fiery explosions waiting for it. That can get dangerous, so stay away and concentrate on the upcoming hand to hand combat.
If you don't believe me, watch any episode of The A Team where a car explodes. (That would be most of them) Three explosions, minimum!
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