Jeremy Is Being Investigated In "Blaggate"

What would happen if a political scandal couldn’t be tied to water or a gate?

I don't think that will ever happen again.  Not in this age of media.  

You're probably right.  

So, today's Sametime Status deals with our fascination of naming every political "scandal" using the suffix "gate" or else making sure that "water" is in there somewhere.  The whole trend, of course, stems from the Watergate scandal of 1972.  Since then, pretty much every time some political party feels the need to disparage the other, they drum up a scandal, and the media grabs onto it and gives it a catchy name, usually with "gate" at the end.  It's riveting stuff.  

Here is a partial list of "-gate" scandals, for your edutainment:  Angolagate, Betsygate, Billygate, Bingogate, Bonusgate, Bridgegate, Brothelgate, Coingate, Coalgate, Corngate, Debategate, Fajitagate, Filegate, Garglegate, Gategate, Irangate, Iraqgate, Monicagate, Nkandlagate, Pardongate, Pastagate, Pastygate, Rinkagate, Squidgygate, Strippergate, Troopergate (Numbers 1-3), Weinergate (which works on multiple levels).

Some of those are funny, but the whole thing is a little sad.  I also can't imagine any controversy involving fajitas.  Everybody agrees they're delicious.  I can't be bothered to look up the story. 

Very fortunate, really, that the people involved in the Blackwater and Whitewater scandals already were called "Blackwater Security Consulting" and "Whitewater Development Corporation."  That made naming the scandals easy and form-fitting.  

But, we really should stop this.  We're not going to get more creative with developing our political scandals, in fact, it's only lamer now with stupid lawsuits flying in both directions and whatnot, so we may as well be a little more original with the names.  I don't think that's too much to ask. 

Also: Duck Calls!

Changing my name to Bill so I can open up a combination check cash/hat store named “Bill’s Bills and Bills”

Then later changing the name of this Blag to "Bill Is In The Office."  

So..uhm.  Pretty self explanatory joke today.   Have a good weekend, everybody! 

In A Heap Of Trouble Now

I would have made a great Uriah Heep joke, but nobody would have gotten it

You underestimate your readership.  I think at least a couple people out there have read David Copperfield.  

Except that I would have made the joke about the band Uriah Heep, not the Dickens character.   

So maybe I overestimated you.  It won't happen again.  Was there a McBox reference somewhere or something?

So, I'm in the middle of a book where there's a character named Uriah.  It really doesn't go much beyond that.  Every time I come across his name, the song "Easy Living" starts playing in my head, even though that's not even the one song the group had that cracked the top 40 in the US.  The book has nothing to do with the band, or England for that matter, but since very few people are actually named Uriah these days, my brain goes on little adventures.  

But since nobody's ever heard of the group, my joke would have been lost on everybody.  It's a shame, really...it would have been good. 

Irresponsible Use Of Helium

Goodyear is planning to lie to us and keep calling their new zeppelin a “blimp”

If you tell us that it's made of Led...

Relax.  There are no stupid airship jokes here.  I'll leave that to Cartoons.  

What's important to know today is that the iconic Goodyear Blimp is being retired.  Strictly speaking, all three of Goodyear's iconic Blimps are being retired, with the last slated to be decommissioned in 2018.  The good news is that they're all being replaced by Zeppelin's!   

That's right...the new Goodyear "Blimps" are being made with a semi-rigid skeleton, making them technically not blimps at all, but Zeppelin's.  They're going to be bigger, be able to hold more people, have bathrooms (a little surprising that the old ones didn't, but that's beside the point entirely), and be able to fly faster. 

How fast does the Goodyear Blimp/Zeppelin fly, you ask?  Faster than you think.  Here's a Fun Fact!  The current generation of airships top out around 50MPH (80km/h), while the new Zeppelin NT will pin your ears back at a blistering 73MPH (117km/h).  It's slower than my car on the highway, but come on...it's a blimp for crying out loud...sorry...zeppelin!  

Except for the fact that Goodyear has already come out and said that they will not be referring to the new airships as the "Goodyear Zeppelins."  Much like how public perception has officially changed the definition of "Literally" to include "Figuratively," Goodyear has decided that use of the name "Goodyear Blimp" trumps actually calling the ship by its correct name.  As such, despite the fact that Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin gave his name to this exact type of airship, that name will be left off of the Goodyear Blimps.  Oh, the humanity...

Now That Wade Clubb Isn't Playing

“Rob Klinkhammer” is an awesome name

Sure is.  I'd put it right up there with Max Power.

Except for the fact that I'm not making this one up.  Rob Klinkhammer is in fact an NHL player currently playing for the Phoenix Coyotes.  He has what I believe to be the third greatest name in hockey, behind only Kevin Shattenkirk and Cal Clutterbuck...not necessarily in that order.  

I choose to believe his nickname on the Coyotes team is "Colonel."