It's A Holiday Of Sorts

Happy First Day of Comic-Con, everybody!

And by "everybody," Jeremy means nerds.  

That's right!  San Diego Comic Con is the annual celebration of nerds.  You have Comic Book Nerds, there are Anime Nerds, Video Game Nerds, Movie and TV Nerds, and the list just goes on.  

And Jeremy wishes he was there.

Well, in a sense, possibly, but I've heard some pretty awful things about attending comic conventions...namely standing in lines, the price of drinks should you run out of water, and the smells of some people's elaborate costumes after spending a day outside in southern California.  No Number Of Slave Leias can make up for that.   

So, to all of the nerds attending Comic Con this weekend, enjoy the signings and celebrity appearances, enjoy the game demos and concerts, and inappropriately dressed cosplayers.  I'll be at work today.  

Speaking of which...

After today, I'm On Vacation!  It's not San Diego, but it's also not the office.  So try to hold off for a week without me.  I believe you'll manage.  

Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out Of The Office starting tomorrow, July 25, returning monday August 4th with all new Sametime Statusey goodness.  See you then!  

Much Like "Point Of Sale" Cash Registers

Pro Tip for restaurants: When food comes served in Brown Sauce, don’t abbreviate this to “B.S.”

Please tell me this didn't happen.  I really want to believe that this didn't happen.

I'd like to believe it too, but sadly, it's not the case.  

As you're probably aware, Brown Sauce is a very common ingredient in many dishes served in Chinese restaurants.  At least the Chinese restaurants in the US where what's served is not particularly authentic Chinese food, but that's beside the point entirely.  When I go out for Chinese food, I order stuff with Brown Sauce fairly often.  This happened not long ago when I went to the local Chinese restaurant for lunch, and one of the specials of the day was Chicken with String Beans in Brown Sauce.  It not only sounded delicious (and to be perfectly frank, I've had it before, and it is delicious), but it was cheaper, being the special of the day, so I pondered it.  

The important thing to note is that there are two different variations on this dish as served in this particular restaurant.  There is the Brown Sauce version, and there is a Chicken with String Beans in Garlic Sauce.  As much as I enjoy garlic, the garlic sauce in this restaurant doesn't do it for me.  So, I took a second look at the board to make sure that the specials version was the Brown Sauce variation.  The sign actually said "Chicken w/ String Beans in B.S."  My first reaction was, "Hooray!  Brown Sauce!"  My second, albeit later reaction was "Wait a second....the abbreviation B.S. is already taken, and not by something I want on my Chicken with String Beans."  

Fortunately for me and my lunch, I was served Brown Sauce.  It was delicious. 

This Could Go On All Day

30 years later, and they’re still using X-Wings?


The Star Wars universe has caused Jeremy some more emotional distress, particularly due to their engineering.  This time, a Picture Of The New X-Wing was released recently, and there hasn't been a lot of progress.  


So, by this point, everybody knows that there is going to be a new Star Wars trilogy coming out starting next year.  Based on the astonishing quality of the Episode 1-3 prequels, the Episode 7-9 trilogy is most likely going to suck.  It's okay to admit that, Star Wars fans.  They'll still draw lines around the block for the first showings and make millions upon millions of dollars.  

There are rumors about the plot for the upcoming films, but we don't need to bother with any of that.  The main point to know is that the sequels will be set approximately 30 years after the events of Return of the Jedi, with everyone who was left alive at the end of that film reprising their roles.  There will also be lots of CGI aliens and at least 83 minutes worth of alien-planet establishing shots before any action takes place on screen.  

I have certainly Railed On The Star Wars Universe in the past for their poor engineering, particularly by the Empire.  Now, we have a glimpse into that world 30 fewer years in the past (remember, it was long ago in a galaxy far far away), and they're still using the same old beat-up X-Wings they were during the rebellion?  This seems lame.  Let's put things into perspective.

I submit that it's safe to say that the Rebel-Empire war would be considered a "War To End All Wars," making it analogous to Earth's World War I.  The next great war for Terrans would then be World War 2, which started 21 years after the first ended.  It's close enough for this comparison.  Comparing only aircraft, between WWI and WWII, we went from cloth biplanes like the Sopwith Camel and the Red Baron's Albatros variations (don't even say, "but the Red Baron flew a Fokker Dr1 Triplane"...do your homework) all the way to the heavy bombers like the B29 and early jet fighters such as the Lockheed P80.  In 33% more time than this quantum leap in flight took us, the Rebels who took over control of the galaxy went from X-Wings all the way to...uhmmm....X-Wings.  

This is unacceptable.  Especially when you consider just how amazingly bad the X-Wings were.  They were tiny little fighters which required a physical robot to do repairs on the fly.  They carried 4 rockets which couldn't even be targeted remotely, relying on "The Force" to hit a 2 meter exhaust port.  (Nobody's been able to explain to my satisfaction why they need to expand the wings into the X configuration during dogfights in space...wind resistance and maneuverability in space can not possibly be a reason.)  Sure, they're quick and nimble little things, but they couldn't even take a single shot from a Tie Fighter without blowing the heck up.  Hopefully, some under-the-hood advancements have been made in the 30 years since the Emperor was tossed down the reactor shaft, because if there's been no advancement in their engineering in the 30 years since the war, it's going to be pretty tough times for the former rebels in the next three movies...or maybe that's the point. 

Fortunately, It's Trash Pickup Day!

R.I.P. Jeremy’s Pants.  Funny story, actually…

Well, not funny "Ha Ha" really...more like "Jeremy's an idiot" funny.

It's important for the sake of this story that you understand the fact that I wear pants.  

Some people work from home or are just creepy and spend their lives not wearing pants, and that's just not me.  I have to go into the office and be seen by people, and the general expectation from some of them, at an absolute minimum, is that I be wearing pants.  I don't disappoint them.  

Because of my years of experience wearing pants, you would think that I would be proficient at putting them on.  This would be a valid assumption most of the time.  I even have several different techniques that I use including putting them on using both legs at the same time, destroying any sort of credence there is to the phrase "I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you."  I'm pretty sure I learned that method solely to prove that phrase wrong, but that's beside the point entirely.   

It's also important to this story that you know a few other random little facts about me.  I don't work in the morning.  And by that, I don't mean I don't go to the office and get my job done before noon...I mean that when I first wake up, my bodily control is amiss.  I'm known to stumble on things, walk sideways into doorframes, ram my face into the side of a door by stopping it with my foot before it has a chance to open (done this one twice), and even close my own head in the car door.  It's pretty rough business being me first thing in the morning.  Another thing to know is that I play volleyball.  And the morning after spending 2 full days playing a doubles volleyball tournament hurts.  Everything I own is sore, and certain muscles don't have quite the response they would on other mornings.  

So, combining all of these wonderful traits about myself, we come to my dresser.  Clothes laid out for the day, Boston is playing on the radio (Incidentally, remarkably rare feat in which two consecutive exceptions to Jeremy's Big Rule #1 came on back to back happened this morning!  "Bad Company" by Bad Company, followed by "Rock and Roll Band" by Boston.), and I'm having a little trouble getting the day rolling.  I step one foot into my pants and proceed to prepare the second foot, when I start to tip over for the usual reasons.  To regain my balance, I force my second foot down, accidentally stuffing it into the first leg of the pants, generating too much force for the seam to hold.  

Thus endeth the pants.  

While those were my most utilized pants, they were getting on in age and one of the belt loops had already started to fray.  One of the back buttons had broken long ago and I often entertained the thought of sewing the spare back on, but never actually did that.  I believe I actually own a needle and thread, so I totally could have done it.  But all of this is rendered moot by their premature destruction.  So, soon, it's off to the store to buy some new pants.  I'll put them on two legs at a time just to show everyone up. 

I Could Probably Handle It In The Truck Of My Car

That was an awfully big truck for carrying bananas

That's not a euphamism, is it?

I can't even imagine how it could be.  Thanks for maintaining the PG-rating of the Blag here.  

Hey, you're the one posting nonsense about big banana trucks.  

Well, it actually happened.  

See, produce has to get delivered to grocery stores.  I understand this.  So, when it does, it makes perfect sense to me to have a pretty sizable truck delivering multiple kinds of produce to stores.  It's cheaper, more efficient, and just in general, a better way to get things done.  These trucks often carry the name of the business on the side and it has to do with produce...such as "Pete's Produce" or something like that.  I don't know who Pete is, and I just made that up...so if you actually own a place called "Pete's Produce" don't come asking for money.  

Apparently, there is a local business that delivers bananas.  I have no idea if they deliver other produce or not, and I can't be bothered to look it up.  The name of the business is the local town in which they're based, and the word banana.  As in, "Townburgh Banana."  That's what was written on the side of the truck.  It was weird.  

It seemed like WAY too big of a truck to be carrying only bananas, but I can't imagine what else a truck called "Townburgh Banana" would be carrying.  So I'm left with the conclusion that they're either delivering all of the bananas for every grocery store within a 50 mile radius in one truck, or they have an awful lot of empty space in their truck.  Neither of these seems very likely, so I have absolutely no idea what's going on with the banana truck.  It's a problem, people! 

That Is All

For the rest of the day, don’t think about elephants

ASPCK

I hope all those Koopas were humanely raised before they got their shells thrown around in Mario Kart

You also never see a blue Koopa out in the wild, but the Blue Shell is very common.  What's the deal with that? 

I don't know.  Some important questions are left unanswered in the Mario universe.  

So, everybody knows the Koopas.  They come in largely two forms, red and green, and they occasionally have wings.  Very technically, the ones you see walking on the ground are the Koopa Troopas, and the winged ones are Koopa Paratroopas.  They are turtle-like animals with ostensibly removable shells.  The shells are apparently more useful than the rest of the Koopa, since you often see a shell without a Koopa, but not vice versa.  This fact troubles me.  

See, Koopa shells are thrown around all the time in the Mario Kart series.  Green and Red Koopa shells are sometimes distributed three at a time to be tossed wantonly about the race course as weapons.  This leads me to ask what happened to the Koopas who used to be in the shells?  Also, how were all of these Koopas raised before being stripped of their shells?  

There exists a very real possibility that the Koopas are bred in large Koopa mills, subjected to inhumane treatment and given steroids and hormones to promote shell growth.  Then, they're either forcibly removed from their shells and forced to grow a new one, or the much more likely possibility, they are killed for their shells.  This is wholly depressing, and not something that is ever touched upon in Mario canon.  All the more disturbing is the fact that various Koopas are playable characters in the Mario Kart series, forced to throw around the abandoned shells of their brethren. 

I think somebody (Looking at you, Sarah McLachlan) needs to come out in support of the Koopas until we know what actually happens behind the scenes of these Kart races.  

This Would Definitely Happen

If I had a pet, I don’t see any way they wouldn’t be wearing a bow tie  

That really seems to be the only way to go.  

So, I occasionally spend time looking at the Internets.  As you're probably aware, the World Wide Web was invented by Al Gore sometime back in the 1960s, when the US Government was researching ways for people responsible for national defense to be able to communicate around the country and/or world instantly.  It has since become a multi-billion-dollar worldwide repository for kittens.  

There are Funny Kitten Videos, Adorable Kitten Videos, Cartoon Kitten Videos, and Falling Kitten Videos.  

At some point, people who need better things to do started dressing up their pets.  They give them full costumes, make them part of costumes, add hats, capes...what have you.  Most of these things are ridiculous, but one of them is amazing.  People have taken to putting bow ties on their pets.  

You don't have to look hard before you come across this little guy:

...or This Blog to find pets in bow ties.  It adds a touch of distinction and class to an otherwise rambunctious Internets experience. 

How Am I Supposed To Look For Blue?

They changed the Taskbar icon for my email program.  I’m hopelessly lost now


You have to look for a different ICON when opening email now?  Terrible...just terrible.  What were they thinking?


I know, right?


No.  Sarcasm.  Suck up and deal, Jeremy.  


So yesterday was Software Update day for my computer.  This is another one of those things, like Password Day, that I tend to put off as long as possible.  Not because I fear change and/or new software, mind you, but because these types of updates hose up my productivity for longer than is really intended.

First of all, the email program itself needed to be upgraded.  This includes the new email template.  The whole thing, I was promised, would take up to 2 hours to do, but during that time, I'd be able to continue working on stuff, including email.  Not such a bad deal, unless the install actually takes 4+ hours and includes a new pop-up window or a dialog box every 5 minutes that interrupts whatever it is you're trying to work on.  Worse yet, I'm not even sure if I accepted all the things I needed to accept, or if I ended up hitting "cancel" on some of those dialog boxes because they popped up while I was in the middle of typing something.

Worse still, once the new version email program was up and running, the only noticeable change is that the icon down in the Taskbar is completely different.  It's a new color and everything.  It makes it really weird when the sound alerts me to a new email (as it tends to do like...150 times a day or so), and I go to select the email program to read it, and I can't find it.  I'm used to the old icon, and it's going to take me a little while to readily accept the new one.  This type of inconvenience wasn't what they wanted when they told me I had to update.  I'm not sure what I did get out of it anyway...the program seems to function exactly the same as it did before. 

Video Game Scores

How do you say “Ridiculous Pants-Kicking” in Portuguese?  

"Ridículo chutando de calças."

Well, that just takes the fun right out of today's Sametime Status.  

You're welcome. 

So here's a story from yesterday.  

I had made plans to play some volleyball with folks after work, starting around 5:30PM.  It actually ended up being slightly after that, but that's beside the point.  The weather forecast throughout the day was calling for thunderstorms.  Believe it or not, this is relevant.  

At some point in the afternoon, I got a message from some other folks that they had made plans to go to a local dining establishment at 4:00 to watch the football game.  That being the big Germany vs Brazil World Cup game.  I decided that I wouldn't be able to make it to the bar to watch the game and be able to return in time (and in condition) to play volleyball, so I forwent the game in favor of the previously-made plans.  Unless it were to rain, then I'd be able to join for football.  

3:45ish comes, and I make one last check of the weather, and it's clear sailing for volleyball, so I make the final executive decision to skip the soccer game, and I continue working.  

4:30ish comes, and I make one first check of the soccer score on my phone to see if it was at least an interesting game.  The sports app says 5-0.  This being a highly unusual score for a soccer game, particularly at this stage in the World Cup where there should be only good, evenly-matched teams remaining, I conclude that my app is lying to me.  I go back to the computer and check the score on one of the sporting news websites which confirms that Brazil is having the garbage kicked out of them 5-0 by Germany.  

So, as it turns out, I totally could have gone to the bar, caught the first part of the soccer game, left long after things had gotten completely out of hand, and made it to the field in plenty of time for volleyball.  

It didn't even start raining until after 9:00.  

You Know The Sound

That moment when you run out of paper towels, and there’s nobody around to bop over the head with the tube…

So, Jeremy has now delved into the awful awful realm of memespeak.  The whole "That moment..." series should probably die now.  It has nowhere left to go.  

So, we all know how to properly dispose of the cardboard tube left when a roll of paper towels expires.  You take it out of the holder, hit somebody in the head with it, then toss it in the trash can.  It's a universal truth.  

I'm not even sure what is so satisfying about batting somebody in the head with a paper towel tube, but it's pretty much the perfect therapy.  You feel better because you got to hit somebody, the other person is amused by the fact that they just got whapped and it didn't hurt in the slightest, and you both get to have a chuckle at the pleasant "boop" sound the roll makes upon impact.  I'm willing to bet a whole dollar you've never known anybody who got mad at being bopped with an empty paper towel tube.   

Even This Kid 

 

After all that, not long ago, I ran out of paper towels.  I had a perfectly good cardboard tube ready to go, and nobody was nearby to bop over the head.  It was very sad.   

On an unrelated note, here's a magic trick featuring paper towels by internets comedian Bo Burnham

180 MPH Focused Breeze

I don’t want to hear any more commercials about leaf blowers that make lawn work a breeze

This didn't really happen, did it?  Please tell me this didn't happen.  

This happened.  

I hate them for it, and if they had played the commercial on the radio at a time other than first thing in the morning when I'm not capable of actually paying attention to anything, I would know who it was actually a commercial for.  As a result of them not following this simple rule, I'm forced to hate all manufacturers and retailers of leaf blowers.  Good job, jerks.  The worst part is that I'm not even sure they were trying to make a dumb joke!  They could very well have done this by accident. 

So, that's it for the jokes today, and for the week...

Jeremy will be off celebrating America's birthday tomorrow by hoping it doesn't rain long enough to blow up all the fireworks currently hanging out in his house.

I have a pretty nice cache this year...it should be fun!  Enjoy the long weekend, everybody!

Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out Of The Office tomorrow, July 4, and returning monday, July 7th with a brand new week of silly nonsense.  Have a safe and explosive 4th of July! 

One More Thing We Can't Agree On

The phrase “Aluminum condominium” isn’t funny in the US, but it is in England


See, it's funny because in England (and a few other places Jeremy won't be looking up) Aluminum is spelled and pronounced with another 'i' before the final 'u.'  


For more information on Aluminum (or Aluminium), please watch This Video, which features not only a history of the metal, and both spellings of the element (watch when the camera zooms in on the periodic table) but also a guy with one of the most amazing haircuts you'll ever see.   

Anyway...there's really not much of a joke here.  It relies upon the simple premise that if you pronounce the metal with the second 'i' and say Aluminium Condominium, it rhymes and is therefore silly.  Enjoy that for today.  

Also enjoy This Video of people casting a fire ant colony in aluminum.  It really is quite impressive.