Scary That I Was Driving During This

Legitimately had to think about what “Custom Zed Marble” was  

Clearly, it's a stone structure in the shape of the last letter of the alphabet.  What's the problem here?

So, not long ago, I happened upon a commercial vehicle.  It's the sort of thing that happens when you live in the world and open your eyes once in a while.  In hindsight, this was the van for a home renovation service, but it was early in the morning, and my brain wasn't quite functioning yet.  

The side of the van said, in bright red letters "CUSTOM ZED MARBLE".  Among other things.  Some of the letters had long since fallen off.  Others were in rough shape.  The design of the lettering also had some issues with spacing and orientation.  Come to think of it, this van was a little creepy.  I don't want these people renovating my house.

Either way, I actually had to think for a second about what Zed Marble is and why I might want it to be customized.  Was this a Canadian company?  The van was all red and white.  Is Zed marble Canadian?  Is Canadian marble better than domestic marble, or marble imported from other locations?   These are Important Questions that need answers!  

Or perhaps the question that needs an answer is why I didn't realize that an "I" had fallen off of the truck, and these folks install Customized Marble.  It's less fun that way, but probably makes a little more sense. 

Unless You Get An Awful Lot Of Snow...

I don’t really need “Extreme Snowplowing.”  You can just do it the regular way

Why do you need any snowplowing?  Get your lazy bum out there and get shoveling the old fashioned way, slacker!  

I don't see you offering to help.

You don't see me doing anything.  I'm an imaginary figment of your creativity.  So, actually, you could say that I'm always out helping you shovel.  

So anyway, happy 2016, everybody!  We start the year off talking about a sign I've seen recently for a business venture here in the Greater Jeremy Area.  They advertise with signs posted in random places next to the road, where I'm not sure if it's entirely legal to put signs, but whatever.  They advertise "Extreme Snowplowing" and have a phone number on them.  

This service would probably be more useful during a winter where we actually have snow, but that's beside the point entirely.  I'm probably also dooming myself here, but that's the price you pay for comedy.  

Now, I don't know what "Extreme Snowplowing" entails.  The normal version of snowplowing involves a plastic or metal scoop on the front of a sturdy vehicle of some sort.  They use the scoop (or "Blade") to scrape the snow from your driveway and put it somewhere else, either in a pile next to your driveway, or in a pile across the street.  Here's A Video Tutorial.  

I can only imagine that "Extreme Snowplowing" involves more flashing lights, a disco ball, loud dance music, and flames.  The truck itself is also probably very loud, perhaps even going so far as to use a Monster Truck to do the plowing.  (Seriously, though...watch that video.  It's the most 80s thing you'll see all day, and it's hilariously awful.)  With all of this extra flash, noise, and nonsense, it seems to me that to employ an "Extreme Snowplower" to clear my driveway might a slightly cost prohibitive, especially since I already own a shovel and a snowblower.  I'll stick with those for the time being.  Thanks anyway, Extreme Snowplow guy. 

Nothing says “Good Morning!” like driving behind a truckload of asphalt.


One of the advantages to working from home.


Or not having a job, I guess. You'll never have the pleasure of driving behind a full dump-truck of fresh asphalt on your way to work. It's really quite unpleasant, and I'm probably going to have that smell in my car for the rest of the day. Thanks, dump truck guy! You couldn't have stopped an extra second or two at the intersection to let me get in front of you instead? Jerk.


What? You couldn't have peeled yourself out of bed a minute earlier and beaten the truck to the turn easily?


That's beside the point. Here's a flimsy segue to a video of people moving a crane with a crane: