I Got Your Oscar Right Here

Wow, that Oscars after-party was amazing…I mean…I’m guessing

Awe geeze...Jeremy watched another awards show.  This doesn't end well.

As you might expect, I was not nominated for an Academy Award this year.  Then again, neither was Neil Patrick Harris, and they let him host the thing, so I guess it's okay.  As a consequence of the lack of support from the Academy...

...not to mention Jeremy's complete lack of any actual work in the film making industry other than writing a single movie pitch on a Blag...

...I was not invited to the Oscars ceremony held last night.  It wasn't all that surprising, I guess.  I really just question all of their judgements since 1995, when they gave an Oscar to Nicolas Friggin Cage for crying out loud.  Seriously, Academy?  What's the big idea there?  

I digress. 

So, one of the main reasons people like winning Oscars is the After Parties they get to attend with their shiny new gold trophies.  Based on the number of people who were interviewed on TV looking at least fairly intoxicated, I would imagine that the after parties are pretty wild affairs.  

I wouldn't know.  

Nominations Are Overrated

Once again, snubbed by the Emmy voters

Me too.  Best supporting actor in a Blag wasn't even a category this year.  Can you believe that nonsense? 

The Emmy awards seem to be biased towards people who work in television.  This is awful.  

It's also awful that the Emmy awards exist in the first place, as another excuse for people to sit around and give themselves awards for a job well done.  As you may already know, I'm not a fan of awards shows, and as such, I didn't actually watch last night's Emmy awards.  So with that, I'm assuming I didn't win, because somebody would have called me or something, right?  

Either way, I can't really begrudge people for wanting to give themselves awards.  I'd vote to give myself an award if I could.

The Award for Outstanding Writing In A Comedy Blag About Sametime Status Messages goes to....

What I can rail on is some of the lunacy that gets these types of awards.  For example, in this year's Emmy awards, there were four separate categories for reality TV.  FOUR!  Three of them were for best reality series, but in an ever so slightly different genre.  Seriously..."Best Unstructured Reality Show" needs to be separated from "Best Structured Reality Show?"  Only two of the shows nominated were in any way informational, and Mythbusters didn't even win.  

In addition, no fewer than ten (10) nominees for Emmy awards went to...other awards shows.  So, they're actually giving out awards for shows  about giving out awards.  I'm not even kidding.  The Tony awards show got two Emmy awards!  All we need now is for the Grammy Awards to give out an award for best music in a TV show, and nominate the segment the Emmy awards did about the Tony awards.    Then they can make a movie out of that and get Oscar for the sweep!  It truly is that ridiculous. 

Not Clear How Many Ended Up In Garbage Cans

Why hasn’t Oscar the Grouch ever hosted the Oscars?

Seems pretty obvious, really.  Oscar Nunez never hosted them, either.

Also getting the Oscar hosting snub are Oscar de la Hoya and Oscar Salazar.  I really have no idea what the Oscar people have against Oscars.  

In fact, Oscar Hammerstein is the only person named Oscar who has ever won an Oscar, but he did win two of them.  

So, completely unrelated...the Academy Awards ceremony is this Sunday.  Has something to do with movies, I think. 

Anxiously Waiting The Third

Fan Of The Game!

 Any game in particular?  Or just the regular Internet game which you just lost?

Actually, I'm a bit of a celebrity now.  In addition to running my very own roughly-daily comedy Blag, almost being a Published Author, having a couple patents, and getting my name up on a couple volleyball tournaments' winners websites, I was bestowed a new honor over the weekend (and NOT for my continued use of the Oxford Comma).  Yes, boys and girls, I was presented the award for being the Manchester Monarchs' Fan Of The Game.  

So you won a drawing.

It's more than just a drawing.  It's a prestigious honor that is only shared by a handful of devoted followers.  

You won a drawing.

In addition to having my name up in lights on the Jumbotron, I had tribute bestowed upon me.

You were handed team logo Swag.


I was presented with a regal hooded sweatshirt as well as a logo cap.  I would have been granted passage to a future event as well...but there weren't any more.


So you didn't get tickets to the next game, since it was the last home game of the season.  Probably just as well, since the arena is a couple hours away.


You really do take the fun out of everything, don't you?


It's what I do.  


At least I got to walk through the concourse of the Shameless Corporate Sponsor Arena in Manchester announcing, "Make Way for the Fan Of The Game!"  I hope you don't think I'm making that up, because it totally happened.  I have witnesses.

Why did people even see this?

I almost want to see Beyonce’s video now


Nobody watches music videos anymore...well, maybe the one for She Wolf, but that's for all the wrong reasons.


I guess that's a side point. Unless you've been living in a hole for the last 2 days, you're aware that a rapper whose name I won't repeat here because he's an idiot who I don't want associated with my Blag interrupted Taylor Swift's award speech. He apparently thought that somebody else made a better music video that nobody watched.


How is it that neither the winner of "Best Male Video" or "Best Female Video" won "Video of the Year"?


Also an interesting question that I don't really care about. What concerns me is the number of people that watched an awards show for music videos. Nobody watches music videos and Awards shows suck...so who's watching this double-stack crap sandwich?

Special Assistant to Mr. Rhetorical Friday

There is only one man who can rid the politics of this State of the evil domination of Boss Jim Gettys. I am speaking of Charles Foster Kane, the fighting liberal, the friend of the working man, the next Governor of this State, who entered upon this campaign.


Political speeches from old movies? Seriously...this is the best you've got?


Not only is today's Sametime Status a quote from the greatest movie of all time (Sorry, Pauly Shore fans), but it's also an example of "False Dilemma," which makes today Rhetorical Friday!!!


Of course...Rhetorical Friday...really should have guessed.


Well, the People demand it. Incidentally, today is a momentous day.


It sure is! Today marks the 400th post in the history of Jeremy Is In The Office! As surprised as I am that you've made it through 400 posts of this crap, I'm sure there's a person out there looking forward to the next 400.


Hi, Mom!

It was an honor just to be nominated

And the award for Best Status in a Sametime Role goes to...Jeremy!


Congratulations, Jeremy! This is an honor well-deserved.


Oh wow...I had no idea that I could win this award. It's such an honor to be here tonight with all of you beautiful people.

There are just so many people I'd like to thank. Of course, my agent, who has helped me get as far as I have...my fabulous writers; I wouldn't be here without you. I'd like to thank my Mom and Dad, and Hilary Swank, and my publicist, and my personal trainer, and my cosmetic surgeon, and my second cousin once-removed who's name I think is Steve but I'm not sure.

I'd also like to thank the Academy for putting on such a great event every year and making this year's the best ever. I'd like to thank the people down at IHOP for making my breakfast this morning, and the people at Bagel City for making my breakfast yesterday. I'd like to thank the sweatshop worker who made the bow tie I'm wearing today and the make-up artist who applied my eye shadow tonight.

I'd like to thank the pit orchestra for playing the "Get Off The Stage" music, and of course, I'd like to thank Elvis and everyone who came out tonight to celebrate this award with me. Thank you all!!!

It's going to be a slamming good time.

Tonight is the big awards show for Pro Wrestlers. I’m actually not making that up.


Pro Wrestling has an awards show?


That's right, kids...tune in tonight to watch all your favourite wrestlers...standing around congratulating themselves on a job well done. I'm assuming there will be a match or two thrown in for good measure, but what's really important is that we celebrate their pretend achievements.


You mean wrestling is fake?


Granted...pro wrestling is not "Fake" as such...if a 7-foot tall guy picks you up over his head and throws you onto the floor, you really do fall, and it's going to hurt...but the basic concepts of wrestling are scripted in advance. Therefore, when the wrestling promoter gives out the award for "Superstar Of The Year" and "Tag Team Of The Year" it's based entirely on previously scripted matches as decided upon by the exact same promoter. He's basically giving an award to the wrestlers to whom he already decided to award the best matches and storylines. It's an extra level of fakeness on top of the faked fakeness. It's like the candles on top of the icing on the cake of fake.


But who else is going to give awards to the wrestlers?


Well, therein lies the rub. Pro wrestling is not the height of television. Sure, it makes billions of dollars, but it really can't be called "Good" TV. That's why you don't see pro wrestling shows winning Emmy awards, or wrestlers winning Oscars. Pro wrestling is also extremely thinly represented in other awards shows such as the MTV music awards, the American Music Awards, Grammy's, People's Choice Awards, Teen Choice Awards, Kid's Choice Awards, American Film Institute Awards, The National Society of Film Critic's Awards, The New York Film Critics Circle Awards, the MTV Movie Awards, the Essence Awards, the Daytime Emmy Awards, the Tony Awards, the Juno Awards, the Academy of Country Music Awards, the Inspirational Country Music Awards, the "A-List" Awards.

In an extra slap in the face, I discovered that one of the nominees for this year's Emmy Award for Outstanding Directing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program was THIS YEAR's OSCAR AWARDS!!!

I guess the point here is that awards shows suck. People stand around and congratulate themselves on a job well done. Well...in that same tradition, I'd like to announce that next year, I'll be running a Theme Week Awards Show called the "Jeremy Is In The Office Awards." It will feature various members of the media, entertainment, sports, pop culture, I'll probably give an award to myself, and most likely culminate with the award for "Member Of The Most Intelligent Readership In The World Of The Year."

I'll accept nominees now through...well...sometime before the ceremony. Good luck everybody!