Didn't Even Need A Mask

Vending machine twofer!  Sticking it to The Man tastes like crunchy chocolate  

As Jeremy's resident council, it is my obligation to inform everyone reading that Jeremy makes no claim as to the location of the aforementioned vending machine, so nobody will know if it was theirs or not.  That way, they can't come after him for the dollar they're out.  Carry on, Jeremy.  

So recently, fortune smiled down on me in the form of crunchy milk chocolate.  

I was walking along a hallway in a very typical fashion, and I happened to look over at the vending machine.  I had no intention of stopping for anything, but as I passed it, my brain registered something that seemed amiss.  About 4 or 5 paces later, I decided to turn around and walk back to see if I had seen what I thought I had...and I did!  A popular candy bar which involved chocolate and puffed rice which would seemingly make a "CRUNCH"ing soung when you eat it was perched very precariously at the end of its little vending corkscrew.  I thought that this might be a prime opportunity for a twofer...but I was quite legitimately not hungry at the time, nor did I have any particularly strong urge for chocolate.  

I stared at the thing for what seemed like minutes, but was probably in actuality about 10-15 seconds before I decided to go for it.  Looking around for witnesses and finding none, I procured a dollar bill from my wallet.  I had 16 dollars at the time, so I had only one chance at this, since the machine wouldn't take my 5 or 10.  The bill was in rough shape, and I feared the ubiquitous dollar bill dance with the machine, where you put the money in and it spits it out repeatedly, leading you to try unfolding the corners or smoothing the edges somehow.  All of my worry was for naught, as the bill was easily accepted on the first pass, and the candy was mine for the taking.  Carefully, I typed in the code for the Crunchy chocolate...the foremost bar dropped almost instantly, the second being propelled tauntingly toward the cliff.  The vending machine completed its twisting cycle, and the second bar dropped into the retrieval bin, and both candy bars were mine!  I had successfully put one over on The Man! 

The first chocolate bar was delicious.  The second one is tucked away for snacking at a later date. 

I Can't Believe It Took Me This Long

I believe Halloween is responsible for every holiday season shifting earlier into the year

Halloween?  It's not even that much of a holiday, unless you're a college-aged girl with questionable morals.  I don't see how this could be the ringleader of holiday-based consumerism.

It seems innocuous enough, doesn't it?  But when you think about the rampant productization that goes along with just about every holiday now, the truth is hard to deny.  We see the "Holiday Seasons" all around us.  It happens, and it annoys most of us.  The "Seasons" get earlier every year.  Valentines day crap starts up on January 2nd, Feb 15th brings Easter, followed immediately by 4th of July preparations.  On July 5th, we get the onslaught of Back to School and Labor Day stuff so that September can be reserved for the Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas trifecta.  Seriously...it's September 16th, and I've seen displays of Christmas decorations in more than one store already.  That's not funny.  

So, when you consider why all of these holidays exist in the first place, (That being so people will buy stuff...the historical and religious aspects of holidays being long forgotten) really the only holiday that stands to make more of a profit by arriving earlier is Halloween.  Christmas is the biggest consumerist holiday right now, and there is always a push to buy bigger and more extravagant gifts every year (Lexus, anyone?).  But, if you're going to buy Christmas gifts for people, it doesn't much matter when you buy them.  If you get your shopping done early, you have your gifts, and you're probably content with that...if not downright elated that you can avoid the late-season rush to the malls.  Nobody finishes their shopping early, gets bored and rich, and decides they need to go out shopping some more in the middle of winter.  

Same thing goes with the other blatantly consumerist holidays.  There are only so many Valentine's Day candies and jewellery pieces you can buy in one year, only so many hamburgers and fireworks for 4th of July, only so many turkeys you need for Thanksgiving.  So it doesn't matter at all when the "Holiday Season" starts, the amount of crap you buy for it remains the same.  Except for one.

Again, it's mid-September, and while Christmas is just making its way into stores, Halloween items have been taking up shelf space for about a month now.  Halloween isn't for another month and a half.  What is Halloween stuff?  Sure, there's some space devoted to cheap plastic kids' costumes and the occasional paper decoration...but 83% of the supply needed for Halloween consists of one thing...candy.  So why should stores sell Halloween candy early?  Because you'll eat it all long before October 31st arrives, and then you'll have to go out and buy more.  This is the only holiday where this happens.  You don't eat your Thanksgiving turkey at the end of October and have to run out and buy another Mid-November.  You don't shoot off your fireworks in June, or open your Christmas presents the day after Thanksgiving.  The only holiday that exhausts its supply of preparations early is Halloween.  Therefore, I have little choice but to conclude that Halloween is responsible for shifting all of the holidays dramatically forward on the calendar.  So, when you start hearing Jingle Bells in the next couple of weeks, you can thank all the ghosts and pumpkins for that.

Happy Holidays! 

Really doesn't belong.

Why is there a watermelon in my shoe?


Those are some big ol' feet there, Sasquatch.


Not so much. I wear a perfectly normal Size 12...13 in Trail Running shoes for some unknown reason.

Today's Sametime Status was uttered by me not long ago while changing shoes at volleyball. I put on one of my sneakers and noticed that it felt a little funny. I took it back off to find the source of the distress, and there was a candy watermelon inside. Not normally the place one would put or find a candy watermelon, but there it was.

For the record...I was not eating candy watermelon that particular day.

Yes...that's happening.

Happy National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day, everybody!


Uhmm....yep.


So I'm lacking a little bit of creativity at the moment, so you get the bizarre holiday of the day as a Sametime Status. It's not the first time I've resorted to this type of lazy underhandedness, and probably won't be the last.


At least it's tasty.


However...some late-breaking news occurred earlier today, so tune in tomorrow to read all about it. It's big!

Shhhhhhh

Have a happy Peanut-Buttery Hangover day, everybody. Just do it quietly, please.


Hope you had a Happy Easter, too.


Indeed. Today is the day we all (and by "we all", I mean me) wake up with our candy-induced hangovers from eating too many peanut butter eggs on Easter. It comes around but once a year.


And your pancreas loves you for it. So how was the tournament?


The Frozen Four this past weekend was awesome! The new NCAA DI National Men's Ice Hockey Champion is officially Boston University, who defeated Miami of Ohio in a remarkably thrilling manner, coming from behind to force Overtime, then winning it on a flukey deflected goal. Good times.

So for now, I'm going to delete some more things out of my email...I'm over my quota again at work due to vacation, so I can't send any email until I whittle down the list. Hope you made the cut!

A Ghostly Mistake

Stores who have Halloween candy on the shelves already greatly overestimate my willpower.


Halloween is only a couple weeks away. It won't last until then?


It most certainly will not. Peanut butter cups have a life expectancy of approximately 30 seconds once they enter my house. Now, Reese's has done the unthinkable and created Peanut Butter Pumpkins, thereby eliminating Halloween as a potential holiday without making myself sick eating too many Reese's Peanut Butter-Themed candies.

Jerks.


Well, at least we have some hardware to hand out. As it turns out, we were actually on Version V of the Home Game, so that's what our winner will get.


Works for me! The winner of last week's "Guess the NHL Star Week" and recipient of the Jeremy Is In The Office Home Game, Volume V: Autumn Leaves is none other than Judson! With his fortunate guess of Steve Begin on Wednesday, Judson managed a whopping 3 correct answers, beating out 7 other players who all had 2 correct. Congratulations, Judson!


As for Friday's correct answer (Guessed correctly by nobody, by the way), Michael is the 4th most common given name in the United States. Smith, Johnson, and Williams are the top 3 most common surnames in the United States. Among the legions of sports stars named Mike Smith, Mike Johnson, and Mike Williams, only one appears on a current NHL Roster. Mike Smith is an NHL Goaltender, currently playing for the Tampa Bay Lightning.