Theme Week, Part Coat Rack

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents:   
Music Fact Check Week!   
LMFAO wishes they had Precognition in order to see something coming, not Telekinesis   


Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis? 


Today's topic is Extrasensory Perception, or ESP.  ESP covers a range of para-psychological abilities that people claim to have, though no scientific evidence of anyone actually demonstrating them.  All studies showing ESP ability have been shown to have flaws in the experimental design and have been debunked.  

That said, these types of abilities are far-ranging and some are remarkably interesting.  I studied them intently for an entire part of a semester when I was in college because I had to take a liberal arts course, and ended up in a Psychology class that was available at a convenient time.  Janine Melnitz captured a good many of these types of phenomena in Ghostbusters, though UFOs, Nessie, and Atlantis have precious little to do with perception.  

She does mention Astral Projection (Out-Of-Body Experiences), Telepathy (Communicating with others outside of normal sensory channels like hearing or sight), Clairvoyance (The ability to see hidden objects, again, outside of the normal sensory channels), among others.  The important one we'r dealing with today is Telekinesis.  

Also known as psychokinesis, it is the ability to physically influence objects without actual physical contact.  For example, using your mind to Move A Coat Rack From Across An Office.  The term Telekinesis was first coined by a Russian scientist in 1890.  

"Love Lockdown" is a "song" "by" "rapper" Kanye West, released in 2008.  Some time later, party rock enthusiasts LMFAO (An acronym for "Loving My Friends And Others") released a house/techno remix of the song which featured a couple new verses.  Why?  I don't know...it's what musicians do these days.  One of the lyrical lines from the newer version of the song is as follows:  "But you done broke my heart, into a million pieces.  I should've seen it coming, wish i had telekinesis" implying that if he could have looked into the future, he would have been able to foresee his heartbreak and perhaps prevented it.  

Unfortunately, moving a coat rack from across an office doesn't give you that ability.  

The branch of ESP that deals with seeing into the future is something entirely different, known as Precognition.  Redfoo and Sky Blu should probably leave psychoanalysis to professionals and stick with shuffling.  Apparently, they do that every day. 

This Makes No Sense

Why do hole punches have that wire ring in the handle?  

Just one of those things...

No really.  I'm actually asking this question.   

I'm not talking about those three-hole punches like The Guy From The Office.  I'm talking about those old school metal jobbies you use to punch a single hole in a piece of paper, or in a stack of construction paper if your first grade teacher was inordinately cruel.  

If you look at the handle of them, 83% of the things have a wire ring in the handle.  Look here:

There is no useful purpose served by that ring.  You put your fingers on the outside of the handle, the spring is built near the hinge, the hole-punchy part is on the far left, and nothing has ever happened with the ring.  Ever.  

It's a nice crackly hum

I’m starting to think that the only reason I check my mail every day is so I have something to put in the shredder.


Shredding mail is fun.


I very much agree. Most people shred mail items which may contain personal information that can be used for identity theft, like credit card applications and those moronic checks your bank sends you so that you can write a loan to yourself at an exorbitant interest rate. I don't want anybody using those, so I make it a point to shred them. I got a new mail shredder not all that long ago because it was on sale, my old shredder would jam up all the time, and the new one can shred CD's as well. No truth to the rumour that I only bought it because it was featured prominently on an episode of "The Office." (And unlike every other time on the Blag I've said there's no truth to a rumour, there ACTUALLY is no truth to this one.)

The new shredder is a blast. It takes care of business efficiently and substantially...turning an entire envelope full of whatever crap the credit card companies put in it to confetti in seconds. It's a bit of a treat for me, to be perfectly honest, so I look forward to shredding stuff when it comes in the mail. I may go overboard on occasion and shred those coupon books, magazine subscription fliers, town newspapers, business reply postcards, and the credit-card-sized pocket calendar I got from my oil delivery company. None of that needed to be shredded, but I felt happier turning it into shards than simply tossing it in the garbage, so in the slot it goes.

Here's the problem. I don't get any mail that is worthwhile. All of my bills and banking are done online, I rarely look through the coupon books, I don't want or need a new credit card, I'm happy(ish) with my tv and internet service, I have a perfectly reasonable cell phone plan. It's a little disappointing to know that there will be nothing good in the mailbox when I go outside to check it. The saving grace is knowing that whatever's inside has about a 90% chance of going into the shredder within 5 minutes.

More of a squeaky slam, really

The Things That Go Bump In The Night should do so more quietly so they don't wake me up.


Good morning, Jeremy. How are you feeling?


Little tired, actually. It was windy last night.


And you're going to rectify that by going to bed early tonight?


Not a chance. Tonight is the big Office wedding, and the Kings are playing at home. My main issue comes from the exhaust valve on my boiler at home. It tends to open and close on occasion if it gets very windy...and is kinda squeaky in the process. It's not so annoying except for the one time it did its thing at 1:30AM this morning...causing me to wake up. It was a little annoying.

It's back!

"Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with a horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know." Dwight Schrute; Dunder Mifflin


Wow...it's been some time since you've had an Office quote up in here.


True...it's been a long summer without new episodes, but the new season premier is tonight. I'll be watching!

PAR-TAY!

"Okay, so far our ideal party consists of: beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch-football, mating, charades, and, yes, horse hunting." Jim Halpert; Dunder Mifflin


That sounds like it would be fairly interesting...not unlike a lot of college parties.


So over the past few weeks at Dunder Mifflin, Jim and Dwight got put in charge of the party planning committee. What we've learned is that both Jim and Dwight individually and collectively suck at planning parties.

Since I don't really have anything else interesting to talk about today, you get to watch a cool video involving science and fire:

He just doesn't get it.

"I have got to make sure YouTube comes down to film this." Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Office is a welcome sight. That means it's Thursday...which is nearly Friday.


You can say that again. The sooner this week ends, the better. But tonight is the big finale to the 2-part Office episode "Lecture Circuit" in which Michael is for some inexplicable reason asked to tour around to all the Dunder Mifflin branches to teach about sales. So far, he's done a pretty miserable job, as you might expect.

On a separate but nearly equal TV note, it seems I was a little mistaken about yesterday's Demetri Martin appearance on Comedy Central. Apparently, Demetri is the host of a new show which will be airing Wednesday nights from now on. The show is called "Important Things" and yesterday's episode was entitled "Timing." So I guess you should look for that every Wednesday. Cool!

This actually happened

I actually searched through the box to find crackers that were intact before crumbling them up into my chili.


No Office tonight?


Sadly, no. They're bypassing tonight's episode in favour of an hour-long spot after some football game on Sunday.


So tell us about the crackers.


Yeah...I was in the adorably tiny cafeteria thing at work, and decided to have chili for lunch. This involves crumbling crackers into the bowl, if anyone is unfamiliar with how to eat chili. To that end, they have a box next to the chili containing packets of crackers...and as you might expect, some of them are already broken due to shipping and handling issues.

I reached into the box and grabbed two packets of crackers, (Since that's the limit. They say they'll charge you after 2 packets) and before putting them on my tray, I noticed that one of the crackers was already broken. Mind you, the wrapping was still intact, and the crackers were perfectly serviceable, but it was broken in like 5 pieces! What's up with that?

So, I put that packet back and carefully selected a new one with intact crackers. Feeling better about myself, I paid for my lunch and proceeded to smash the crackers into little tiny pieces to dump in my chili. It was one of those times when I had a bit of a revelation, thinking of some poor sap who actually eats crackers rather than powdering them into their soup...and how he's now stuck with broken cracker bits because of me.

I got a chuckle out of that.

How closely are you going to examine the results?

"Well, I swallowed all your ideas. I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end." Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Late post today, Jeremy. Slacking off?


Sorry about that....busy day at work today. Watch Office tonight!!!

He's actually a nice guy

"I tried. I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil...snail. I feel like I'm dying inside." Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Poor Toby...Michael's always getting on his case.


Yeah, Toby came back to Scranton last week, much to Michael's dismay. Hilarity ensued, as always.

This week, somehow the branch ends up with a budget surplus (I wonder what that's like), and the workers try to decide how best to spend it.


In other news....please tell me there's other news.


At one point, I may have been inspired to put some interesting Christmas lights up around the house...but that inspiration went out the window a little while back when that online video went around showing the house with a massive light show all synced up to "Wizards in Winter." While that may have driven me to give up on the whole thing, it only served as a challenge to somebody else, who produced this display. Instead of good music, it uses a horrific techno remix of Amazing Grace, but the light show is incredible. Enjoy!

The measurement systems...

I have always been intrigued by international things: the women, the pancakes, the Man of Mystery. Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Ah, that nutty Michael Scott's at it again.


He certainly is...and tonight, loyal readers, is the night we've all been waiting for. Toby returns to Scranton!!!


Woohoo! Toby!


Let's celebrate the only way we know how...by watching bears playing hockey!!!

Home used to be where you hung your hat, but nobody hangs hats anymore.

I just don't want my employees thinking their jobs depend on performance. I mean, what kind of place is that to call home? Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Alright! Office tonight! When is Toby coming back?


I'm not sure, but I hope it's soon. Now that Holly's been transferred, our friends don't have an HR rep anymore.


So about yesterday's thing?


I've decided to hold the game over until tomorrow to let people come up with a few more words. People should have the opportunity to catch Lightning in a bottle and provide everyone else with Glimpses into their brilliance. So keep thinking of those words and keep the emails, Blag comments and IM's Pouring in!

In the meantime...here's something cool and nerdy:

Vote Baby!

If a baby were President there would be no taxes, there would be no war, there would be no government, and things could get terrible. It would actually be a better screenplay idea than a suggestion. Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Still going on about the election, I see.


I needed an Office quote for tonight, and this Scottism from a recent episode seemed to fit the bill. It started out so innocently and positive...then turned somber...and finally went right back to Michael's dream of being a screenplay writer. I believe the hero secret service agent would be Agent Michael Scarn...played by Michael Scott.


Alright...so that's that. What else is good?


Good is a relative term. There's a relatively new Interwebz meme going around where people rewrite song lyrics to quite literally describe what's happening in the video. Often, they make light of strange locations, clothes, and the art direction of the video. It's not all that amusing, to be perfectly honest...but when somebody Rickrolled the Literal Video concept, I felt it needed to be shared. Enjoy!

Maybe the binder is insane...

"After they finish the quiz I'm going to run my first meeting here. It's going to be insane! No, it's not. I've got to read from the binder." -Holly Flax; Dunder Mifflin


Office!!!


Oh yeah. Office. Before too long, we can get rid of the new HR rep for Dunder Mifflin Scranton and hopefully get back to having Toby around. Holly's simply not working out.

As a special note, I'd like to congratulate all of the newest executives in my AIG insurance company. I'm sure this change in leadership is exactly what our company needs to get through these tough times. In no particular order, here is our new leadership team:

• Chief Operations Officer, and Director of Emerging Operations Jeff!
  
• Chief Corporate Officer and Director of Most Operations, Jim!
  
• Chief Management Officer and Director of Everything Else, Willie!
  

Welcome aboard, team!

Season Premier!!!

I did this for the little guy. For Joe six pack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how he's gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up, with oil. Wonders "How am I gonna pay my kids' orphanage bills?" Andy Bernard; Dunder Mifflin


There are so many things wrong with that sentence. That nutty Andy...


And yet, there's something so right about it...because it's finally here! Tonight is the Season Premier of The Office! WOOOOOOOO!!

Incidentally, on a related note, I will be unavailable for calls or comments between 9PM and 10PM Eastern time tonight. Thank you for your understanding.

Here's a short clip of what to expect from Season 5:

Slapface!

"There’s too many people on this earth. We need a new plague." Dwight Schrute; Dunder Mifflin


YAAAAYYY! OFFICE! It's finally...wait...it's not here yet. You're a couple days early.


I know. The season doesn't start until Thursday, and it's too late to start a Theme Week, but I have a couple extra Office quotes laying around for use as Sametime Statuses, so I figured I'd start celebrating a little early.

As part of the celebration, here's Jim demonstrating the newest Olympic Sport:

BUY IT NOW!!!

“I'm optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.” Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


YAY! Office is back!! But...it's Tuesday...and the new season doesn't start for a couple weeks. What's going on?


Today is just as important a day in Dunder Mifflin as any Thursday night. Today is the day that The Office, Season 4 comes out on DVD. So I have a stop to make after work today. I also have to buy some longer screws for my kitchen hardware, but that's unrelated.


So where can I purchase the DVD's for everyone I know or care about?


Actually, I have no idea. At some point, I'll have to pore over some of the usual websites to see who has the best price and which stores get the better special features on the DVD set. That's really the only difference. It'll wind up being one of the large automatonic box stores nearby, though.

In the meantime, here's some info for the upcoming Season 5. The mood of The Office will be changing significantly. Since the untimely death (possibly murder) of one of the major characters, the Dunder Mifflin folks, instead of Michael's hilarity, will be caught in the midst of a criminal investigation. Here's a trailer for the new season: (WARNING: The following clip does NOT contain spoilers, but it does contain a cover of a Pink Floyd song)

Save Toby Reux!!!

“"I'm optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results." Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Ahh that nutty Michael Scott. He's at it again.


He sure is. Well, tonight is it, folks.


The start of the Captain and Tennille Farewell Tour?


No...it's the Season Finale of The Office. While we had a bit of a season finale earlier because of that whole Writers' Strike thing (Which, for better or worse did not adversely affect the Blag you've come to know and love), tonight is actually it. Tonight is the night we say goodbye to Toby Flenderson and hello to Dunder Mifflin Scranton's new HR representative...I'm sure Michael has some great plans in store for her. We'll see most of our PA-based paper sellers back in Season 5, starting in the fall.

Save Toby!!!

"I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children, since it's uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, Hooter's is catering, and is that...is that enough? Should I keep going?" Toby Flenderson; Dunder Mifflin


Wow...I think this is the first Toby quote you've had up here.


And without YOUR help, it may be the last!


You've turned the blag into a shameless telethon. I hope you sleep at night.


At issue here are a number of things. There is a heavily rumoured Office Spinoff show coming in the next year and Toby made a major announcement in last week's episode that he's moving to Costa Rica...after he made a horrifically failed pass at Pam in front of the entire Office. (Yes, Pam is still dating Jim.)

So, after that incident, the season finale episode coming in 2 weeks is titled "Goodbye, Toby" and the episode summary says that Michael throws a celebratory going-away party for Toby, who is leaving Dunder Mifflin.


NO! Say it ain't so!


I'd like to! That's why I'm calling for an Internet petition amongst the loyal Blag readers (and whoever happens to come here from such favourite links as Bird Flu Breaking News and The Google) to join me in my campaign to SAVE TOBY!


You do know that Save Toby is already taken by a handful of Internet scammers who posted a couple pictures of an adorable bunny, right?


Wow...uhm...no. Was not aware. Oh well.

Maybe he wersn't

"Wish I could, but I can't. Well, can, but won't. Should, maybe, but...shorn't." Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Oh, there's that nutty Michael Scott again making up words.


Yeah...there's nothing quite like a manager delegating his responsibilities to focus on a pet project for his own personal gain.


Not that you'd know anything about that.


Of course not. One thing I do know about, though, is comedy...


People reading this crap may think otherwise.


...and one of the staples of comedy is Slapstick humor. You always have your basics...the upside-the-head slap, the kick in the groin, and of course, the Classic 'Frying Pan to the Head.' One of the most simple and pure Slapstick comedies is people falling down. To that end, eBaum's World has assembled this Amazing Collection of Faceplant Photos for your edutainment. Enjoy!