Something That Is Totally Happening

Waking up half an hour earlier every day this week to get ready for Black Friday  

Darn right, Jeremy.  Those 4AM sales aren't going to shop themselves, you know.

So, here we are...Thanksgiving week already, which means Christmas music has been playing in stores for almost a month now.  If I was making that up, it might be a little funnier than it is, but seriously, I first heard Christmas music playing in a store back in October so...yeah.  It also means that the official start of the Holiday Shopping Season arrives this Friday...Black Friday!  

While many stores have decided to completely eschew Thanksgiving in favor of giving people a couple more hours to spend money, the concept of Black Friday has lost a little bit of it's cachet.  But, there are still a decent number of decent stores that still close on Thanksgiving and merely open at some ridiculous hour of the morning on Friday for the barrage of shoppers dreaming of scoring a great deal and satisfy their bizarre urge to "get the shopping done early for once."  It's a weird concept that I don't understand, but whatever.  

With that, come 4:00AM this Friday, if you're not in a store, you're behind the eight ball and will not only lose out on saving a couple bucks on some piece of crap that the store can sell cheaper than usual, you will be missing out on the quintessential American experience of being in a deal-hungry mob of people on Black Friday.  Don't be left out...be shopping!  

With that in mind, I know where I'm going to be at 4AM on Friday, and f that's "out shopping," that means being not only awake, but awake and functioning at 4AM.  This is not something that amateurs should just jump into with both feet.  It requires careful planning, preparation, and physical conditioning.  Part of that preparation if waking up earlier and earlier each day with the goal of having 4AM be no big deal when the big day comes.  So, I've set up my alarm to wake me up 30 minutes earlier every day between now and Friday.  Baby steps.  Friday morning, I'm going to be one step ahead of all of the other suckers trying to get the "must have" Christmas gift.  Their lack of preparation will be my greatest advantage.  Suck it, amateurs! 

Like Many Others, This Post Stinks

That last bit of toothpaste lasts longer than you think it does  

The bit that I put on the toothbrush lasts about as long as it takes to brush my teeth.

We all have our own little internal clocks for various things.  You know about when it's time to wake up, how long it takes you to do certain things, when birthdays and holidays are coming up, how much longer you have to work on a Friday afternoon before you can say "ah screw the whole thing" and go home for the weekend.  You also know when you have to buy certain necessities.  

Most people don't have to buy stuff like garbage bags and paper towels every time they go to the grocery store, but you have a sense for when you're about to run out.  It's not such a big deal, because it's not the end of the world if you run out of these things.  Toilet paper may be a bit more of an issue, and it's certainly not a great thing if you run out of deodorant before you expect to, but most things you can get away with a day or two without.  But you get the point...you generally know if you're running out of something and need to pick it up next time you're at the store.  

With that in mind, not too long ago, I faced down the Wall O' Toothpaste at my local grocery, believing that my current tube of toothpaste was on its last legs.  That is to say that the bulk of the think had been squeezed out, and just that little bit at the business end remained.  

What I didn't realize, apparently, is just how long that little bit at the business end planned on sticking around.  I assure you I continues to brush my teeth regularly, but even though I have a brand new tube of toothpaste ready to go, I haven't had to break it open yet, because I still have plenty left in the old one.  I have no delusions that this is a magic tube that will never run out, but it strikes me just how far off I was in my estimation on how much longer it would hold on.  I'm a little excited to move on to the new one.  

Now, if only I had remembered to buy deodorant...

Your Worst Source For News!

Welcome to Snowpocalypse 2013!

Well, folks.  Today is the big day!  This huge winter storm is about to arrive in the Greater Jeremy Area and dump who knows how much snow on our hero.  In an unprecedented special event, keep checking back here for live updates on Snowpocalypse 2013 throughout the day.  Jeremy will come back at random intervals and start posting an amusing mixture of information and nonsense as Mother Nature has her way with the east coast. 

8:15AM:  Yes!  I've never done this live-blagging thing before, and I'll probably never do it again, but that's okay.  It's now shortly after 8AM and all is well.  The Boss told everyone to work from home today, so that's exactly what I'm doing.  As of right now, it's cloudy and menacing outside, but nothing falling from the sky yet.  Not much of an update now, I'll grant...but it's better than saying I'm already buried in snow.  Come back later for more updates!

9:25AM:  First Flakes.

11:15 AM:  Snow's coming down a little more steadily now, but no accumulation as of yet.  The grass is starting to change color, though, so the first snow to stick on the driveway can't be far behind.  Also, guests on the Jerry Springer Show now apparently get little plastic cups of water to refresh themselves after a fight.  Nice touch. 

12:30PM:  Driveway's covered.  Lunch was yummy (Roast Beef and Wasabi wrap).  Might be taking a work field trip to France at some point soonish. 

2:00PM:  Snow's coming down, and it's almost up to the tops of the grass. No sign of all the wind they were talking about, but the weather map says I'm still a bit on the outer edge of one of the storms...so maybe it's coming later.  The road is really starting to look like crap, and there's been no sign of a snow plow.  Pretty glad I have nowhere to go. 

3:00PM:  Well, judging by the extremely sensitive scientific instrument that is the railing on my deck, I'd say we've reached the 1-inch mark for snow.  Thrilling.  Since it's still light outside, here's your visual aide for the day:

Still no plowing, as you can tell.  My driveway is in the bottom of that picture somewhere.

4:48PM:  Snowplow!

6:30PM:  Well, it's now dark outside, so I can't really see exactly how badly it's snowing, but I can say with confidence that it is, in fact, still snowing.  No wind, but snow...and pretty heavy snowman snow at that.  I think I'm going to make a snowman on my deck tomorrow.  That will be a thing to do.  While developing this plan, I measured, and we just crested the 4" mark on my patio table.

10:30PM:  Here's your final update for the day, since I'm not going to check any more between now and bedtime.  We're officially at 8 inches and counting here in the Greater Jeremy Area.  If you're really nice, maybe I'll pop by tomorrow morning to give a final reading before I start to dig out from this junk.  Goodnight, everybody!  

2/9/13 10:15AM:  The storm has come and gone from the Greater Jeremy Area, leaving behind 14 inches of snow, and not much else.  I just got back inside from spending some quality time with the snowblower, and it's time for some hot chocolate and a shower.  Maybe not in that order.  

Can I? Really?

That wasn’t my friend on the radio this morning

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was the local Congresswoman.  


This isn't another political rant, don't worry.  Anyway...is it just me...


A thousand times, yes.  It's just you.  It's always just you.


...but the local morning radio show often features a lot of local callers telling stories and jokes along with the hosts.  The hosts will announce the caller's name before giving them the airtime to speak.  Many times, the caller will have the same first name as a friend of mine.  It causes me to become a little excited, anticipating hearing my friend on the radio.  Not that being on the radio is all that special anymore...I mean, the trendy thing to do now is to get your own Deplorable Reality TV Show.  Anyway, my moment of anxious anticipation is always deflated when some other voice comes over the airwaves.

I can't be the only one who has this thought.     

They're Still On Notice

The one time UPS does something right, and I'm not around to see it.


Okay seriously, Jeremy...you're going to get us sued.


I would actually love to see those court papers..."UPS vs Jeremy and his Imaginary Alter Persona"


Get on with it.


So, I've told you before about my feelings for UPS and their dubious success record for me. Well, they finally got one right...and I'm the one who managed to screw it up.


Way to go, pinhead.


So yesterday was the long-long-long-long-long awaited release of the new Trans-Siberian Orchestra album "Night Castle". Not wanting to be without the disc any longer than the 4 years that it was already delayed, I ordered mine online in advance, and it was to be shipped in time for me to have it Tuesday. I thought at one point I read in an email that it would be delivered monday. Extra exciting!


Lousy hook. Continue.


Monday afternoon, I come home from work, and there is no package waiting for me. I figured it's no big deal since CD's always come out on Tuesday, so mine should be delivered on Tuesday and I erred in reading the email. I left the house a little before 5:30 to play volleyball and by the time I got home, it was dark. Little did I know that UPS showed up just after 6PM and left the package on my doorstep. I simply missed it on my way back in.

That night, I was asked by a friend how the CD was, since I had mentioned that I thought it would come on monday. I had to humbly say that I was mistaken in the delivery date and that the CD was not in my possession, not knowing that the box lay no more than 15 feet away.

On a lark, I checked the UPS tracking website Tuesday morning to find that the CD was delivered monday evening. I'm an idiot.


Yes you are.


So, to my friends at UPS: Thanks for delivering my CD on time and leaving it safely on my doorstep. I take back one of the bad things I've said about you over the years, but remind you that you are still on delivery probation. Now that you've proven you can deliver correctly, I will expect continued proper service in the future.

What did this mean?

Déjà vu: The experience of feeling sure that one has experienced a new situation previously.


Would this have anything to do with you losing the finals of a volleyball tournament for the fourth time this season?


No, but thanks for bringing that up.


It's what I do.


Today's Sametime Status is something more along the lines of a series of messages designed to edutain people about various parapsychological conditions...or something.


Maybe some of the loyal readers can peer into the future and realize when this is coming up so they can avoid this crap.


Well...many of my loyal readers do try to see messages in the future. Usually they say something mildly amusing or do something mildly idiotic and say "Oh...I know what tomorrow's Sametime Status is going to be." 87% of the time, they're wrong...about the same success rate as any other ESP ability test and every other time I have to quote a statistic on this Blag, which is a remarkable coincidence.

Yes...that's happening.

Happy National Chocolate-Covered Cashews Day, everybody!


Uhmm....yep.


So I'm lacking a little bit of creativity at the moment, so you get the bizarre holiday of the day as a Sametime Status. It's not the first time I've resorted to this type of lazy underhandedness, and probably won't be the last.


At least it's tasty.


However...some late-breaking news occurred earlier today, so tune in tomorrow to read all about it. It's big!