I Just Want Heated Seats

If I drove as badly as that guy in the car commercial, I’d deserve to get in all those accidents  

As your resident accountant and financial adviser, I don't think this is a very good idea.  You can't afford the extra insurance on your salary.  

Fortunately for me, I'm An Excellent Driver, so I don't much have to worry about this sort of thing.

So, maybe you've seen the commercial going around now for some entry-level luxury car, I quite honestly forget which, which shows all of the wonderful new safety features it has.  It has a lane departure warning, a blind spot monitor, a front-impact detection, and maybe some other stuff.  The problem is, all of them were demonstrated by the commercial's driver on a standard commute to the office.  

Holy crap!  This guy sucks.  

If you're so mentally unfocussed that you can't pay attention to your highway driving, and actually require every last one of a car's safety warnings to make it to work, then you're doing something wrong.  

I'm okay with these features existing.  I've almost had accidents because of a blind spot, or some other idiot's blind spot or lack of attention, but this commercial makes it seem like this is a regular part of this guy's life.  He's a total jerk who must have been in dozens of accidents until this car came along to save his bacon on a routine basis.  I think it's more important that the car company advertise where this chump lives so I can make sure to stay away from him on my drive home.  

As a special note, all of us here at Jeremy Is In The Office would like to wish everyone a very happy V-Y Day!

That's right.  What's left of the integrity of Major League Baseball is preserved once again as the New York Yankees have been officially eliminated from playoff contention.  Now, there's only a few more times left where every team in the league is expected to bow down and kiss Derek Jeter's feet before he retires, freeing up 12 million dollars for the Yankees to spend on other teams' free agents this offseason.  

I Hope He Got Change

Here’s a Fun Fact!  Rapper 50 Cent is left handed, and terrible at throwing a baseball

So maybe he's right handed?

So, it's baseball season!  Which means a couple things.  First, it's not wabbit or duck season, and the parade of celebrities being trotted out to baseball diamonds all around the world continues to dig deeper and deeper into the barrel.  Some of them are Remarkably Good, some are just More Interesting Than You'd Expect, and others are Truly Awful. 

Well, recently, recording artist and whatever else he pretends to do 50 Cent threw out the first pitch at the Mets game.  The Results Were Not Stellar. 

Future Deja Vu

To celebrate Major League Baseball’s expansion of Instant Replay, I’m going to use this same Sametime Status Message tomorrow, too!

I think the best part of this Sametime Status is that you're recycling electrons.  Recycling is good for the environment.  Good for you, Jeremy!

Thanks! 

Of course, tomorrow is also Saturday, you won't be working, and you won't have a Sametime Status, so that somewhat renders your point moot.

That's completely irrelevant, if you ask me.  

Anyway, Major League Baseball announced that they're going to be taking a break from publicly shaming steroid users and actually try something that will improve the game.  They've expanded the use of instant replay during games so that the umpires will get three or four more calls right this season.  This seems to be a wonderful use of their time.

That said, the expanded use of instant replay will, in and of itself, directly cause me to watch precisely zero more baseball games than I had planned on watching already (which was somewhere in the zero range, truth be told), so I don't know how much of an effect this will really have on the game as a whole. 

They Lost The Game

So, who do you think got paid more to play one baseball game yesterday?  Metallica, or the entire New York Yankees roster?

You can't just let him have his moment, can you?

Well, Rivera can have his moment, but then I get mine, too.  That seems fair.  

Anyway, for those who were unaware, yesterday's game at Yankee Stadium was the final regular season home game for Yankees closer Mariano Rivera.  Most likely his final home game period, but the team is not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs yet...though V-Y day is not far away.  Prior to the game, they had a whole ceremony where people walked onto the field and handed him symbolic presents and retired his number and whatnot.  All pretty standard stuff, and credit where credit is due...deserving of Rivera's career.  

What was fairly unique to the day was the remarkably brief rock concert in the middle of the ceremony.  See, from fairly early in his career as a closer, Rivera would enter the home stadium from the bullpen to the sound of Metallica's "Enter Sandman" playing over the stadium loudspeakers.  So, for this final home game, Metallica themselves were provided a stage in center field and performed the song live while Rivera made his way to the field.  It was explained by the emcee of the ceremony that not only was this song symbolic of Rivera, but the fact that Rivera used it as his entrance theme is basically what made the song popular.  I'm not making that up.  Sure, the single itself has a platinum certification, and the album it's on has sold 22 million copies...but the New York Yankees are to thank for that.  (This sort of self-appointed superiority complex is part of why I hate the New York Yankees so much, but I digress.)  

Anyway, this whole episode got me to thinking...how much did they have to pay Metallica to show up in New York, disrupting whatever their tour schedule was, pop into center field, perform one song, then leave so a baseball game could be played?  The answer almost assuredly ends with the word "million," so I'm looking for a comparison point.  For that, we turn to the New York Yankees themselves.  The (by far) highest priced team in Major League Baseball, rings up a total of nearly $229 Million for the 2013 season.  Divide that by the 162 games in the schedule, and you end up with the team paying the players just over 1.4 Million dollars to play one single baseball game.  And they're not even going to make the playoffs.  And they have three players whose 2013 salary is more than the entire Houson Astros roster.  And they're not even going to make the playoffs.  

Anyway...while I'm certain that this was, minute-for-minute, the most lucrative concert in Metallica's career, I'm just a little curious who got paid more for that game.  

Incidentally, I've never liked the song "Enter Sandman," regardless of the Yankees.  Over the course of researching this Blag entry, I've come to find out that I can't even blame Metallica for it.  As it turns out, the song was lifted from a group called "Excel" who released it two years earlier..as a song called "Tapping Into The Emotional Void"  Thanks, Excel. 

Once Again...Genius

For sports broadcasts, the Play-by-Play Announcer and the Color Commentator should be from opposite teams

Here you go again with all of your...wait...this actually sounds like a really good idea.  

For those of you who are unaware, sporting broadcasts are usually done by two people, one known as the "Play-by-Play" announcer, and the other the "Color Commentator."  I legitimately had to explain this concept once to a guy who got offended and thought I was racist for my use of the term "Color Commentator."  

In today's sports broadcasting world, all games for every sport ever are shown on TV somewhere.  For the major sports, each team will usually bring its entire broadcasting crew for every game, home and away.  While this leads to a feeling of familiarity with certain voices and people sharing your game with you, it can lead to some bias.  

Announcers who blatantly support the home team rather than even attempting to show neutrality during the broadcast are known as "Homers."  Some of the worst offenders (Though this is by no means a complete list) are Ken "Hawk" Harrelson, he of the "You gotta be bleepin' me." when the White Sox (Who he often refers to as "Us" or "We") commit a game-tying error on the games final out, Jack Edwards who compared a Boston Bruins win to The Revolutionary War, and Pittsburgh Penguins announcer Paul "Steggy" Steigerwald, for whom the rest of the NHL doesn't belong on the same sheet of ice as anyone on the Penguins.   Another common technique is that used by Michael Kay of the New York Yankees, in which he finds a fault with anyone on the opposing team, such as an imperfection in their batting stance, or their pitch location, or something along those lines, then spends the next 5 minutes of the broadcast explaining how the equivalent Yankee can do it better, and for only 5x the salary.   

Homers suck.  Even if you support the same team that they so obviously do, they can make a game almost entirely unwatchable due to the bias in what they have to say about the game.  Fortunately, I have a solution!

Now that every game is broadcast by both cities' home stations, and all of the teams' representative commentators are present, simply split them up.  For a purely hypothetical game between Peoria and Kalamazoo, have the Kalamazoo Play by Play announcer call the game with color commentary from Peoria's voice and show that on the Kalamazoo stations.  Peoria viewers can watch Peoria's PbP with Kalamzoo's Color.  

Broadcast bias may not be a thing of the past, but at least we can have a little fun with it.  Any blatant homerism can be immediately called out and/or counteracted by the other announcer showing the other side of the coin.  Imagine one announcer complaining about a call that went one team's way, and instead of having the leeway to go on about it, have somebody else there arguing the other side.  There can be fights on the field/ice and in the broadcast booth.  People can call each other names and point out their obvious homer tendencies in real time.  I don't see how this can do anything other than increase the level of excitement of a sporting broadcast.  Get on that, TV! 

Still Batting Below Mendoza

I can assure you that I am not on the list of baseball players about to be suspended

Yes, but are you on the list of Blag writers to be suspended?  Some of us could use that, I think.

Nope.  Just little ol' me.  As far as I know, I'm not being suspended in the foreseeable future.  

So not long ago, reports started to surface that Major League Baseball, the organization that has done more to destroy baseball in the last 15 years than any other, has threatened to suspend a long list of players for up to 100 games for violations of the league's substance abuse policy.  This coming after Major League Baseball has threatened to suspend most of those same players numerous times for violations of the league's substance abuse policy.  

See, the last time this list of players surfaced, it was in conjunction with a small pharmaceutical company in Florida.  This company was said to have provided steroids and other illegal substances to certain players.  Those players' identities were discovered when a list was "leaked" to the media.  The league threatened to suspend those players.  Those players laughed at the accusation saying that there was no real evidence, and they were right.  

Yesterday, it was announced that the owner of the aforementioned small pharmaceutical company would cooperate with Major League Baseball's investigation of the events, which would mean providing all of the evidence that the league was looking for in order to suspend the aforementioned players.  None of the players are laughing just yet.  When the investigation is concluded, a fairly lengthy list of players is expected to be suspended, there will be a long line of lawyers at the commissioner's door seeking to appeal or reduce those suspensions, and the whole ordeal will provide one more laughing stock to the joke that is Major League Baseball.  

At least, I can rest assured that my name isn't on that list. 

With All This Rain, Everywhere Is Mudville

Silly Joe Walsh, there were only two men on base when Casey went up to bat

So Mr. Walsh got this wrong, how, exactly?

Well, it comes from the lyrics to the popular Joe Walsh song "Rocky Mountain Way."  He clearly states "Bases are loaded and Casey's at bat, playin' it play by play."  This, of course, is a reference to the poem "Casey At The Bat" written in 1888.  

What Mr. Walsh didn't apparently have time to do is actually look at the poem and figure out just how many people were actually on base for the Mudville baseball team at the time Casey came up to bat.  A simple reading will tell you that there were runners on second and third, after Flynn singled and Blake followed up with a double.  

Of course, we can sit here all day and question why, with a 2-run lead and first base open with the most feared hitter in the Mudville roster coming up to bat, the pitcher didn't simply walk Casey to load the bases and take on the #5 hitter.  There were, after all, two outs already.  It's not even a question, really....any manager in baseball would have done the same thing.  Maybe things were different in the 1880s, who knows?  

I suppose I can also concede that "Runners on second and third and Casey's at bat" wouldn't fit in as well with the rhythm of the song, so he took a bit of literary license.  There should just be an asterisk or something. 

Not Like A "Fresher"

What exactly are crackers supposed to crack anyway?

Well, if they're really really old, they can probably do a good job cracking your teeth.  


Today's Sametime Status is just one of those things that goes kicking around in my head on occasion.  Fortunately for all of you, I actually remembered it and shared it with all of you in jaunty Sametime Status form.  You are welcome.


Incidentally, you were informed that you have to write about V-Y Day.


So it is.  For those handful of you left in the world who still care about baseball, yesterday was the greatest of all days.  Yes, kids...Victory over the Yankees.  The greatest band of high-priced mercenaries money can buy falls short once again, and the world couldn't be happier.  Of course, all of the news on the internets is about how the Evil Empire lost and not how Detroit beat the living snot out of them and are the team who's actually moving on to the World Series.  There are also plenty of stories about what's going to become of the steroid-withdrawn Alex Rodriguez and his incredibly ridiculous contract.  The articles keep talking about trading him to some other team as if anyone else in baseball is willing and/or able to pay a failing, breaking-down prima-donna 30 million dollars a year for average results.  This is, of course, a microcosm of everything that is wrong with baseball as a business, and the reason I no longer care.


You care enough to write a little one-paragraph rant.


I was coerced.  It happens.        

The Operator Asked Me Not To Call Back

I tried calling “2,” but nobody from the Mets answered

Well, hopefully by now you know how a phone works, so you weren't actually expecting Justin Turner to answer.  

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about today's Sametime Status, because I finally gave in to public persuasion and made a Status about Carly Rae Jepsen's hit single "Call Me Maybe."  

See, I was made aware very recently that New York Mets infielder Justin Turner uses this song as his walk-up music during games, and I have no idea why.  Not that cheap bubble-gum tripe music is altogether bad for being played in front of 50 thousand people (not to mention however many are watching on TV), but this particular song is about a young girl of questionable morals meeting a guy at a party, which has little, if anything, to do with baseball.  If you haven't heard this song yet, I have no idea what you're doing with your life, but please let me know in the comments below so I can try to duplicate it.  

Anyway, this Status, in addition to being a round-about joke about baseball walk-up music, reminded me of a joke from the great Mitch Hedberg, in which he laments not having the phone number (222) 222-2222.  When asked how to get ahold of him, he can simply reply, "Just press 2 for a while.  When I answer, you will know you have pressed 2 enough."   

By the way, I was told to remind you that today is an important milestone or something?

Indeed it is!  Today's Blag Entry marks the 1,000th post for Jeremy Is In The Office.  

You have got to be kidding me.  One thousand posts of this crap?  Where does the time go?

I have no idea, but the fine folks who read my page sure have wasted a lot of it here.  Over the last thousand posts, we've learned a lot about Hockey, Bird Flu, History (Revisionist or otherwise), Music, Movies, all other forms of Pop Culture, some actual Culture, Webcomics, general Nerdiness, and heard some hopefully amusing stores from the real world of Jeremy.  I feel that we've grown together as a Status-Message Writing family, and look forward to many more posts of the same sort of silliness you've come to expect.

And I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone when I hope it gets a whole lot better.    

Here's to the next 1000 posts! 

27 Moving Violations and Counting

Seems strangely fitting that I would get cut off in traffic by a Yankees fan


Everyone always regrets this, but you do pay me to ask...so, what could these two things possibly have in common, Jeremy?


It's the same false sense of entitlement that goes along with both baseball and driving like a chump.

See, Yankee fans believe it's their manifest destiny to win the World Series every year. Why? Because the Yankees are in New York, and people expect them to win. This is an actual quote that gets repeated far more often than is required to be nauseating. I guess people in every other city where there's a baseball team expect their local team to do their best and go out for ice cream at the end of the season.

Also, the Yankees have won more World Series than any other baseball team. A majority of this goes back to the days when there was even more disparity in baseball than there is now, and the owner of the Yankees actually owned two teams and used one as a major league farm system for the other, pulling of a horrific series of one-sided trades to further the Yankees' cause. This seems worthwhile. The fact that the Yankees have won the most World Series' leads bandwagon followers all over the country to proclaim themselves to be "fans" of the team. They're not. If you were not born or raised in the New York Metropolitan area, you have no reason to be a fan of the Yankees. At least partially because they're no longer a team. Since the mid 90's, the Yankees have been nothing but a group of highly paid free-agent mercenaries with no ties to the organization whatsoever.

Anyway...so this jerk cuts me off in traffic this morning. He felt that it was his right and destiny to be in the left lane regardless of the fact that there was already a car where he wanted to go. As I hit the brakes to keep my front fender intact, I flipped him off and saw that he had a Yankees bumper sticker on his car. That explained everything, and instead, I just began to feel sorry for him.

They don't come much worse

Grant Balfour is a terrible name for a pitcher


Thought you were done with baseball?


Well, as much as I don't care about it anymore, I still find myself following baseball from time to time. During one of these times, I was introduced to a pitcher by the name of Grant Balfour. I'm Not Making This Up.

Generally speaking, the thing you want your pitcher to do the least is walk people. The opposition doesn't even have to swing the bat and they're on base. It doesn't get much easier than that. Those of you who have been living in a hole for the last 100-some years since baseball was invented should know that in order to walk somebody, you have to throw them 4 "Balls", or pitches that did not pass through the strike zone on their way past the batter. So if you throw "Ball Four" they get a free pass to first...effectively, you "Gave" them a free base.

Another word for "Give" is "Grant".

So, if you Grant Ball Four, you've done just about the worst thing a pitcher can do for his team. So why is it that a guy named "Grant Balfour" decides he can get a job as a major league pitcher?


A 94 MPH fastball and a 4-inch break on his cutter?


If you want to get technical, I guess.

My new sitcom called "Drink Up!"

If you go where everybody knows your name, people will just bug you for stuff


At least they'll still be glad you came.


That's true enough. So today's Sametime Status is based on some random thing that popped into my head for some unknown reason. I didn't really have much to back it up.


You could tell one of your classic jokes. Everybody loves those.


Are you feeling okay?


Must be a lack of coffee.


So did you hear the one about the Yankees fan who tried to kill a bird? He threw it off a cliff.

The Statute of Limitations is like 48 hours

The Yankees don't even have the common decency to lose during the week, so we can properly give our co-workers the business


That's unfortunate. The hilarity has time to die down for those of us who correctly need to give the business.


For some reason, Yankee fans don't seem to quite understand the level of humiliation that is appropriate for wasting another $200 million on a failed season of baseball. Apparently, pitching is the problem...from what I'm told by the sports reporters on TV. It would seem $54 million isn't enough money to buy a fool-proof rotation, and you still end up trotting out AJ Burnett to stink up a game for you. Incidentally...any other team that jumped on an albatross like Burnett would be crippled for years...the Yankees just brush it off and chase after $20 million worth of Cliff Lee in the offseason.

When your team has the ability and inclination to do this, and you still can't win, this is a miserable failure of beyond epic proportions. In fact, much like "Battlefield Earth" this 2010 Yankees team should be the new yardstick by which all failure is measured. No matter what it is you screw up at any point in the next 10 years, you should be able to say, "Well...at least I'm not the 2010 Yankees," and everyone will have a hearty laugh and forget about your mistake.

Hold this!

In a contract dispute with my Fantasy Baseball Team


Yeah...that rag tag bunch of losers. I'd hold out, too.


My fantasy team is made up of some of the best major leaguers fake money can buy.


Ever notice just how much of your life is fantasy?


That's not important right now. What matters is that Fake Grady Sizemore needs to step up and start producing at the plate.


He's very good at pretending to play defense.


All well and good, but that doesn't translate to fantasy stats. He either needs to shape up or...well....this is the source of my contract dispute. He's on the league's "Can't Cut" list which is normally for the benefit of fair play within leagues. They take the best performing players and make sure that lower-ranked teams can't release them for the top teams to pick up.

The problem is that this fantasy chump is one of the worst performing outfielders in the imaginary game right now, and I'm one of the top teams, so I'm not really sure who would benefit by letting me designate this guy for feigned assignment and pick up a pretend player who's actually doing something this season.

This is why there's Hockey season

It's not so bad that the babies finally have their bottle, but now we’re going to have to hear about it for an entire year


As Willie so gleefully pointed out last night, the New York Steinbrenner's won the World Series last night. Good for them.


Indeed. After years of what can be described as nothing but miserable failure, the Steinbrenner's finally managed to buy the World Series. All it took was to continue using Major League Baseball as their own personal farm system to purchase another first baseman, two starting pitchers, and a new catcher. Not to mention the entire outfield they already bought to match their shiny new third baseman.

I kinda wonder just how sweet a victory it is to be put in a locker room with a bunch of mercenaries and have to pretend that you're actually a team if you happen to win.

No, I'm not whining about the economic disparity between baseball clubs, although it would be nice to see MLB get with the times and accept a salaray cap like every other major sporting league. Now that the Steinbrenners won the World Series again, that may be more likely, of course...but my issue lies more with the very concept of Steinbrenner Ball. (My own term for having none of your own talent, but solving all of your team's woes by throwing more and more money at them) Sure, it's the American Way, but the only thing that it serves to do is further your own interests, and not that of the sport as a whole. It's become a foregone conclusion that if a team develops an elite player, as soon as they're eligible, that player is going to leave to one of 4 maybe 5 teams who will be throwing around more money than anyone else. Why is it such a bad thing to take economics out of the equation and let proper team management, scouting, and training (you know...things actually related to the sport) be the deciding factors on whether or not a team is good?

It's true that Yankee fans are in the elite among obnoxious sports fans (See also: Cowboys, Dallas), and while your favourite team (and seriously...if you have never lived within 100 miles of NYC, you have no excuse for having them be your favourite team) may have won the World Series, it should feel like the emptiest of victories. This is not your team...this is a team cobbled together from the best of everyone else's teams because you could pay more for the pieces. Enjoy your victory...it certainly won't be the last, but do keep in mind that any other outcome would have been nothing short of pure disgrace.

They're also a little sticky

I wonder if the Mets will have another gooey season next year.


I guess that depends on how...wait, what?


Not long ago, I was driving to work following a person whose license plate said, and I'm quoting here: "GOOOMETS". As is my usual custom, I figured out what it actually meant, then figured out fun ways to contort it into something else.

Obviously the person is a fan of the New York Mets, and why wouldn't you be?


They stink.


But if you live in New York, you certainly have the right to be a Mets fan. For the record, there is no excuse for being a Yankees fan regardless of proximity to New York. But the point is that they spell poorly, and added a couple extra O's on to "Go". It's always been a relatively simple work to spell...one of the first I ever learned, in fact. So I decided to mock them for requesting the Mets to be a gooey team. It also reminded me of the children's book "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey" which is more fun than thinking about baseball during hockey season.


Queue some Yankee fan spewing crap in 3....2....1....

I whooped it

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing


Good job, Jeremy. You should be proud.


Speaking of proud, a couple people can be proud of themselves for solving yesterday's little puzzley thing. Although Evil Jeremy's solution was perfectly valid, it wasn't quite what I was going for.


So how's it done?


With runners on 1st and 2nd base, the batter hits a fair popup, and is immediately called out via the Infield Fly Rule (1). While the ball is in the air, the runner on first takes off and overtakes the runner on second base and is called out (2). The fly ball comes down hits the runner on second base, and he is out by interference (3). It takes a couple of brain-dead moments for this to happen, but by rule, it is possible.


In keeping with the theme to today's Sametime Status, here's an amusing intro to the Drew Carey show featuring "The Gates" by DaVinci's Notebook. Happy Friday everyone!

Why am I back in 'A' Ball?

Fun Baseball Fact! It's possible to hit into a Triple Play without the defense ever touching the ball.


That can't be true, can it?


In fact it is...and we're celebrating the MLB non-waiver trade deadline (which is tomorrow) with a special fun obscure baseball rules quiz for fun and prizes!


Prizes?


"The Satisfaction of Knowing You Did Your Best" is a prize...of sorts.


A pretty weaksauce one.


So, all you have to do is figure out how a baseball player can hit into a triple play without the defense ever touching the ball, and you win! Limit one entry per household. (Here's a hint: It's never happened in an MLB game.) Answer will be posted tomorrow.


So how's the trade deadline looking?


I'd like to officially renounce my fandom of the Toronto Blue Jays, pending the firing of General Manager J.P. Ricciardi. I was made aware recently that we are now in Year 8 of Ricciardi's 5 year plan to rebuild the team to a contender, and we're no closer to the end of that road. Sure, we've had some injuries along the way and a couple prospects haven't panned out, but we've also sat through the signings (and subsequent releasings) of B.J. Ryan and Frank Thomas. The Lyle Overbay trade was a bust, John-Ford Griffin and Jason Arnold are nowhere to be found, Vernon Wells and Alex Rios are playing well below their contracts, and we still don't have a shortstop worth posting here. I'm actually largely okay with most of that...but, when you go out in public and say that you essentially need to blow up the team and start over with new prospects by trading away not only the face of the franchise, but the greatest player the team has ever seen and the best pitcher in the game today...you've gone too far. So to the failed Ricciardi regime in Toronto, I say a hearty "No Thanks," and I'll rejoin the Jays' supporters when you're finally (and mercifully) gone.

On the First Day of Theme Week...

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Home for the Holidays week! Family Cringe Time as the Peanuts Gang fails to find the key in “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”


Since the holiday season is upon us once again, Jeremy's Sametime Status, and the parent company Miracle Posting, Inc would like to remind you to enjoy time with friends and family over the coming weeks. To that end, this week's Sametime Statuses will consist of fun and family-oriented things to do while you enjoy the holidays. Today's begins with the time-honoured tradition of sitting on the couch with your mug of hot chocolate watching remarkably old Christmas Specials, such as "A Charlie Brown Christmas."


That's right...the Peanuts Christmas special is an ageless wonder of aluminum trees and grade school pageants put on with no adult supervision. Along with all of this comes the Christmas Miracle of a herd of young children spontaneously breaking out into a "LoooooLoooooLooooo" version of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing". Don't know about your neighborhood, but that never happens around here.

Unfortunately, the kids are ferociously bad singers, and despite the joy of the holidays, it's really best to hit the Mute button before they get to the "With the heavenly hosts proclaim" line, as evidenced at the 9:05 mark of the following video.




As a special bonus to all you loyal Blag Readers today, I simply could not pass up the opportunity to share the following video with you. Of course, as of this posting, you can simply go to Youtube and do a search for "throws shoe at Bush" and get 1020 videos to choose from. Here's Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zaidi throwing his shoes at President Bush. The New York Yankees have reportedly offered him a 5-year contract worth just over $93 Million.

For the record, I didn't hear any honking

Stupid Bumper Sticker of the Day: Honk If You’ve Got A Badonk-A-Donk


That's pretty bad...why would anyone have that?


Apparently, they only like to hear people honking if they have large butts. I wish I had an explanation for this, but a relationship between rear end size and driving ability completely escapes me.


You can see the road better if you're sitting higher...


It's probably not a coincidence that this Mensa-level sticker was on the same bumper as a New York Yankees sticker.