This Sounds Wholesome

Shhh.  I think the pregame show is starting

But the NHL All-Star game was last weekend.  What are you talking about?

I guess there's some kind of football game going on this weekend where people watch the commercials and make fun of the halftime show.    Incidentally, after the whole Janet Jackson debacle a few years back, I'll be interested to see how the NBC censors take to Cee Lo Green coming out and singing "F You" in front of a couple million people.  Does Las Vegas have a prop bet on bleeps during the show?  I'll take "Over."  

Incidentally, while I'm being a little hyperbolous (If that's not a word, it is now) about the length of the Super Bowl pre-game show (which I believe actually starts around 6 hours before kickoff), when I wrote this status this morning, I was actually unaware that today is "Media Day" for the teams, players, and coaches...so in a sense, I was entirely accurate about the pre-game stupidity starting today.  I'm not sure if I love it or hate it when life imitates my art. 

The Stock Will Tank

Starting in October, I’ll be charging a $5 per month subscription fee to read my Sametime Status

 Jeremy's Sametime Status, as well as Jeremy Is In The Office is on schedule to post record profits this year.  But, sadly, due to increased government regulation on text-based internet inanity, we have little choice but to pass the increased costs on to you, the Loyal Reader.  

Sorry, everybody...you know....it's the government that's doing it to us.  You see, the way the financials work on the Blag here, and on the Instant Messaging program at work, we collect $0.00 for every view we get.  It doesn't seem like a lot, but it adds up, and that's how we're able to bring you this type of entertainment on a daily basis.  Sure, the comedy already exists, but it's all inside my head.  In order for you to enjoy it, I have to maintain employment and log into a website.  That's not free.  

Well, the website is free, but that's entirely beside the point.  

So, now the government has decided to limit the amount of money I'm allowed to collect from these views to a measly $0.00, which is a change of almost or over 25%, depending on what you feel like making it.  In order to continue posting my record profits, I have to make up the difference somehow.  Also, LIR is demanding a 130% increase in his bonus package for this year, so in order to keep him around, I have no choice but to pay it.

I have to eat, you know.

Unfortunately, this means that this Blag here will become a subscription-based website starting next month.  The charge is only $5 a month, which really isn't much of a sacrifice at all, when you consider that your Netflix bill just went up by more than that, and they didn't increase their services, either.  Sure, you may point out that it would take over 84 visits per month* to ring up $5 in visiting fees (at $0.00 per hit), and that we may be over-charging you for this valuable service...but $5 is a nice round number, so we're going to go with that.  See you all (and your checkbooks) next week!

For the record, NO we are not going to start charging you to visit the website.  We're making light of Bank of America's recent decision to charge $5 per month to customers for using their debit cards to pay for things with their own money that the bank is already profiting on.  

*The 84 visits per month is an actual calculation of how many debit card transactions you'd have to make with a Bank of America debit card to equal the $5 fee based on the 6 cents less the government is allowing the bank to charge per transaction.  So unless you're using your debit card more than that, you're getting hosed.  If you're a current Bank of America customer, switch to a local credit union.  

You'll get it

There's a fine line between bravery and "Asking For It"


I'm really hoping this comes with an amusing story of you crossing that line and ending up with some consequences. Please please please be the case...


Your concern for my well-being is noted, and I'm sorry to burst your bubble. Today's Sametime Status was thought up during a recent trip to the Adorably Tiny Cafeteria Thing In My Building. A gentleman was in the middle of tempting fate while dealing with the Famed Toaster of Hades.

You see, toasting preferences vary from person to person and from item to item. Bagels toast slower than bread, rye bread should be less toasted than wheat, nobody should ever toast a blueberry muffin and expect to get away with it...etc. High-volume industrial toasters are ill-equipped to deal with all of these variations and since the Cafeteria workers have removed all adjustment knobs from the face of the toaster, the only variable we have at our disposal is number of cycles. If one is not satisfied with the level of toasting achieved, another cycle can be run. The danger, of course, is that one can not un-toast an item once the Famed Toaster of Hades has its way.

Our friend here decided that a single toasting cycle was insufficient for his breakfast needs, so his toast went in again. Having dealt with the Toaster on a number of occasions, I was mildly concerned for him. To my abject terror, following two rounds of toasting, he studied his food carefully and put the toast in for a third go-round. This, my friends, is dancing with the devil...pale moonlight or otherwise. I thought to myself, "wow...this guy is brave." Then I thought to myself, "nope...this guy is asking for it."