If Josh Towers were pitching, Casey hits a walk-off HR

In a bit of revisionist history, it turns out that Mighty Casey was batting against Roy Halladay. He never actually had a chance.


So today is basically opening day.


That's right. Even though there was a silly little 2-game set over in Japan last week, and the Washington Nationals opened their new park last night, today is the day that the rest of baseball catches up and starts their season.


So what's the deal with this Halladay character?


Roy Halladay is a pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays, and widely regarded as one of the best pitchers in the game today. He's got one Cy Young award to his credit, and could easily contend for another this year.


And this Casey guy?


For those who have been living in a cave for the last 120 years, "Casey At The Bat" is the most widely recognized poem about baseball in history. First published in 1888 and written by Ernest Lawrence Thayer, the poem tells the story of the Mudville baseball team and their quest for victory, despite being a miserable bunch of players.


The poem doesn't say anything about the team being bad...


Well, here's the problem. We should assume that Casey, being the renowned heavy hitter on the Mudville roster, is batting clean-up, or 4th in the lineup. Normally, a good baseball manager will put his best hitter (at least as far as batting average is concerned) in the #3 hole, so that the odds of somebody being on base for the clean-up hitter are better. The #2 hitter is usually also a high batting average person, typically with good enough speed to run the bases effectively ahead of the #3 and 4 hitters.


And how does this apply to Mudville?


Well, as you can clearly see from the poem, Jimmy Blake is the #3 hitter, and he is described as "a cake", clearly implying that he is not a good hitter. Also the fact that the crowd started to leave before the "much despis-ed" Blake or Flynn bat shows how little faith the Mudville fans have in either of their abilities.

Add to that the fact that after Flynn's single, Blake "tore the cover off the ball" for a double. Any good #2 hitter (Flynn, in this case) should have easily been able to score from first on a hard-hit double, especially with 2 outs. As soon as Blake made contact, he should have been running with all he had. That didn't happen here, as there were runners on second and third after that double. Clearly, bad baserunning.


Okay, you've thought about this way too much.


Perhaps. But the fact remains, you have a free-swinging clean-up hitter prone to strikeouts (For those who have not read the poem, the previous line contains a spoiler, so don't read it.), a "lulu" with no baserunning skills as a #2 hitter, and a much despis-ed cake hitting 3rd (meaning you probably also have a bad manager for cobbling together a lineup like this), and you wind up with one bad baseball team. I hope they enjoy their time in the bus leagues, since none of them is ever going to make it to The Show.


The poem is also 120 years old. The players are dead.


There's also that. On another, lighter, baseball note, please enjoy the 1986 LA Dodger Baseball Boogie Bunch!