It's a nice crackly hum

I’m starting to think that the only reason I check my mail every day is so I have something to put in the shredder.


Shredding mail is fun.


I very much agree. Most people shred mail items which may contain personal information that can be used for identity theft, like credit card applications and those moronic checks your bank sends you so that you can write a loan to yourself at an exorbitant interest rate. I don't want anybody using those, so I make it a point to shred them. I got a new mail shredder not all that long ago because it was on sale, my old shredder would jam up all the time, and the new one can shred CD's as well. No truth to the rumour that I only bought it because it was featured prominently on an episode of "The Office." (And unlike every other time on the Blag I've said there's no truth to a rumour, there ACTUALLY is no truth to this one.)

The new shredder is a blast. It takes care of business efficiently and substantially...turning an entire envelope full of whatever crap the credit card companies put in it to confetti in seconds. It's a bit of a treat for me, to be perfectly honest, so I look forward to shredding stuff when it comes in the mail. I may go overboard on occasion and shred those coupon books, magazine subscription fliers, town newspapers, business reply postcards, and the credit-card-sized pocket calendar I got from my oil delivery company. None of that needed to be shredded, but I felt happier turning it into shards than simply tossing it in the garbage, so in the slot it goes.

Here's the problem. I don't get any mail that is worthwhile. All of my bills and banking are done online, I rarely look through the coupon books, I don't want or need a new credit card, I'm happy(ish) with my tv and internet service, I have a perfectly reasonable cell phone plan. It's a little disappointing to know that there will be nothing good in the mailbox when I go outside to check it. The saving grace is knowing that whatever's inside has about a 90% chance of going into the shredder within 5 minutes.