Rollin like a Limp Bizkit

I have a strangely strong desire to buy a steamroller.


As much as I don't want to ask, that's what you have me around for...so why do you want to buy a steamroller?


Because somebody on my way to work has one for sale in their front yard.


And this is enough?


Apparently. Every day this week, I've driven past this person's house, saw the steamroller out by the tree, and it calls to me. It says, "Jeremy...you need a steamroller." By the time I ask it why, I've already driven out of imaginary earshot, or saw a shiny object and have lost interest.


What would you even do with a steamroller?


I have no idea. I like to believe I'd think outside the box. I imagine that I could roll people's yards for them in the spring...for a nominal fee of course. I could rent myself out for baseball game promotions akin to Disco Demolition Night where I flatten bobbleheads or effigies of the other team's mascot or something. I could start a diner that serves the flattest pancakes in the Northeast, or a very specialized laundry service that guarantees to take all wrinkles out of your clothes.

Anyone else have any ideas? I'm looking for brainstorming suggestions and generous financial investors.