Unless You Get An Awful Lot Of Snow...

I don’t really need “Extreme Snowplowing.”  You can just do it the regular way

Why do you need any snowplowing?  Get your lazy bum out there and get shoveling the old fashioned way, slacker!  

I don't see you offering to help.

You don't see me doing anything.  I'm an imaginary figment of your creativity.  So, actually, you could say that I'm always out helping you shovel.  

So anyway, happy 2016, everybody!  We start the year off talking about a sign I've seen recently for a business venture here in the Greater Jeremy Area.  They advertise with signs posted in random places next to the road, where I'm not sure if it's entirely legal to put signs, but whatever.  They advertise "Extreme Snowplowing" and have a phone number on them.  

This service would probably be more useful during a winter where we actually have snow, but that's beside the point entirely.  I'm probably also dooming myself here, but that's the price you pay for comedy.  

Now, I don't know what "Extreme Snowplowing" entails.  The normal version of snowplowing involves a plastic or metal scoop on the front of a sturdy vehicle of some sort.  They use the scoop (or "Blade") to scrape the snow from your driveway and put it somewhere else, either in a pile next to your driveway, or in a pile across the street.  Here's A Video Tutorial.  

I can only imagine that "Extreme Snowplowing" involves more flashing lights, a disco ball, loud dance music, and flames.  The truck itself is also probably very loud, perhaps even going so far as to use a Monster Truck to do the plowing.  (Seriously, though...watch that video.  It's the most 80s thing you'll see all day, and it's hilariously awful.)  With all of this extra flash, noise, and nonsense, it seems to me that to employ an "Extreme Snowplower" to clear my driveway might a slightly cost prohibitive, especially since I already own a shovel and a snowblower.  I'll stick with those for the time being.  Thanks anyway, Extreme Snowplow guy.