She Must Have Been Famous If People Still Sing About Her

What was Miss Susie doing sitting down behind the refrigerator anyway?  

Sometimes, people need to make repairs to home appliances.  They don't always check for broken glass on the floor.  Things happen.  

Today's Sametime Status deals with the old Schoolyard Rhyme, "Miss Susie."  This little song dates its history back to the Vaudeville days of the early 1900s when there were actually steamboats.  Later on, the rhyme was expanded to include things like refrigerators and human-operated switchboards.  It does leave some holes in the interpretation, however.

First off all, in the opening verse, we're led to believe that poor Miss Susie is dead, having gone to heaven.  Later, we hear about her exploits behind the refrigerator and, more risque, in the dark dark dark.  So, either this story is being told out of order, in flashbacks, or Miss Susie's boyfriend has some serious issues.  

There is a later version of this song (1980's, according to Reliable Sources) apparently originating in Pennsylvania that has some remarkably racist overtones.  

Who breaks glass behind a refrigerator and then makes no attempt to clean it up?  This is an injury waiting to happen, as it seems to have (potentially with fatal consequences) to Miss Susie.  It's not known whether sitting on the broken glass is what led to her demise.  

Who was this mysterious "Number Nine" and what did they know about the broken glass?  Is this a conspiracy, or is "Number Nine" the precursor to 911, and this was a phone call attempting to save Miss Susie's life?  

Are we to believe that there are no flies in the park, nor bees in the city?  I find this difficult to believe.  

I'm forced to Call Bunk on Miss Susie.