I Really Wish These Weren't True

Quick lesson in Evil Toaster physics:  Anything laid on top of the bread ends up on the bottom of the Toaster

Seems more like a lesson in Evil Toaster Civil Engineering than physics, don't you think?

Regardless, it's an important lesson to be learned regarding the single greatest enemy to breakfast in our time.  You all remember The Famed Toaster of Hades, right?  I know it's been a while since I've discussed it here, but much like the cold war, we had found a way to coexist for the most part.  I would occasionally toast things, and The Toaster would occasionally light things on fire, but no real threat was posed.  Well, that all changed in the last week.  Tensions have escalated, and The Toaster has tried to test its boundaries a little bit.  

First, came the remnants of a raisin muffin on the underside of the conveyor chain.  How it got there, I'm not entirely sure, but by the time I got there, it was pretty well stuck in there and blackened to charcoal.  The flames may not have been intense, but they lasted a while, given the level of bagel destruction that was present.  There still has been nothing to rival the Blueberry Muffin incident.  

Yesterday's Toaster incident can only be described as foolishness.  I'm okay with people using the Toaster for its intended purposes, and laughing at them when the occasional disaster strikes.  But, when people tempt fate by brazenly defying the terms of the Treaty Of The Adorably Tiny Cafeteria Thing In My Building, I find it's no longer a laughing matter.  In this case, a rudimentary understanding of Toaster Physics is required.  

As we saw in the graphic illustration Featured In This Blag Entry, items to be toasted ride along a conveyor chain through the Toasting Chamber, then slide down the exit chute to the waiting hungry customer.  Since this involves the breakfast item reaching the end of the chain, it seems like a pretty basic concept that a 180 degree turn is involved.  The top side of the toasting item becomes the bottom side upon exit.  Only the most fool-hearty of souls would think to put some form of topping on their item before toasting, as it will quickly become the bottom of their item during its return trip.  

Well, some fool-hearty soul did just this.  They decided to put a piece of cheese on their breakfast, and send it through the Toaster.  This ended exactly like you think it did.  At first, everything is hunky and/or dory, the item toasts and melts the cheese a little.  Perfectly reasonable.  Then, it reaches the end of the chain and flips over for delivery, and The Toaster finds its opening and pounces.  At this point, the molten part of the cheese contacts the exit chute and sticks firmly in place, releasing its hold on the breakfast item.  Breakfast continues down the chute, leaving a smearing of melted cheese the entire length of its journey, the beginning of which is far too close to the heating element.  Much like you've seen in Bugs Bunny cartoons, the cheese nearest the heaters bursts into flame, igniting the smeared cheese pool, leaving charred cheesey remains all over the exit.  

Now there is crap all over the Toaster now, rendering it all but unusable, unless I want to get carbon-infused cheese all over my bagel.  At some point, somebody among the cafeteria workers will have to clean that up.  Just the latest casualty in the War, and one that could have so easily been avoided if only people could begin to understand their enemy.