Six-Fingered Johnny on the second of July...
Ladies and Gentlemen, with any luck, Jeremy won't be blowing himself up in a couple days.
I don't think there will be a lot of luck involved.
Bad luck for the rest of us, maybe.
So as we get set for the most American of holidays, we prepare three of the most American things ever. Food, alcohol, and explosives. Sure, the vast majority of those explosives are made in China, but that's entirely beside the point. In preparation for 4th of July, I recently went out and purchased a fairly substantial cache of fireworks...all of which are perfectly legal, of course. I intend to spend a fair bit of time on Thursday either in a swimming pool or systematically blowing this stuff up. There are precious few better ways to spend a day.
You can all rest assured that I will be following the instructions on these fireworks and setting off my show while taking great care with regards to safety. Also, it's perfectly legal, of course.
Despite my desire to adhere to safety protocols and retain all of my extremities, the fact that I do intent to set off numerous small pyrotechnic displays led me to the world of A Capella music, as you might expect. There is an amusing song out there in the world called "Ten Finger Johnny," by the group "Paul and Storm." I've actually seen these guys in concert, but some time ago...they're pretty hilarious. Anyway, the song is about a guy named Johnny who also seeks to set off some fireworks, but his stuff may not be as entirely legal as mine, and he also does not always follow the safety rules. The results are what you might expect in a morality tale such as this. It serves to teach a valuable lesson for those of us who intend to blow stuff up in a couple days.
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