Monday, March 4, 2013

I Said This Song Is Atrocious



Silly Jason Derulo, “Roof” doesn’t rhyme with “Truth”


I suppose that depends entirely on your definition of "rhyme."  Not everyone has a Rhyming Becktionary, you know.  


So today, I delve once again into the world of truly crappy music, so you don't have to.  You're welcome.  

Today's tune is the awful auto-tune wasteland that is "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo.  Despite the fact that Mr. Derulo violates Jeremy's Big Rule #1 in the first 13 seconds of the song, I had to look up the artist because I've never heard of this guy.  


For those unawares, "Jeremy's Big Rule #1" states that "If the lyrics of your song include the name of your group, you've written a bad song."  Mr. Derulo here just randomly states his name during the introduction of the song for no apparent reason.   


So this song is about a guy trying to win his girlfriend back after an infidelity.  Common theme, really.  As we muddle through the lyrics, we find that the artist is spitting rhymes with at best a 17% accuracy.  We're introduced to word pairings with tenuous connections at best...such as "myself" and "noone else," "clever" with "forever," "star" and "large."  About the only one he managed to get right is the pairing "go" and "know."  Well done!  

The most common rhyme, as it's found in what appears to be the chorus in this swirling miasma of lousy, is the following line: "when the roof caved in and the truth came out," where we're either supposed to believe that "roof" and "truth" rhyme, or else you pronounce it "troof," at which point, I'm done listening to your music.  All that said, apparently, Mr. Derulo is going to be a star, which is the main reason that the girl is supposed to get back together with him.  After all, they're going to live large...because large rhymes with star. 

So, my overriding message to whoever the mystery girl is in this song...run screaming in the other direction.    

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