It's going to be a slamming good time.

Tonight is the big awards show for Pro Wrestlers. I’m actually not making that up.


Pro Wrestling has an awards show?


That's right, kids...tune in tonight to watch all your favourite wrestlers...standing around congratulating themselves on a job well done. I'm assuming there will be a match or two thrown in for good measure, but what's really important is that we celebrate their pretend achievements.


You mean wrestling is fake?


Granted...pro wrestling is not "Fake" as such...if a 7-foot tall guy picks you up over his head and throws you onto the floor, you really do fall, and it's going to hurt...but the basic concepts of wrestling are scripted in advance. Therefore, when the wrestling promoter gives out the award for "Superstar Of The Year" and "Tag Team Of The Year" it's based entirely on previously scripted matches as decided upon by the exact same promoter. He's basically giving an award to the wrestlers to whom he already decided to award the best matches and storylines. It's an extra level of fakeness on top of the faked fakeness. It's like the candles on top of the icing on the cake of fake.


But who else is going to give awards to the wrestlers?


Well, therein lies the rub. Pro wrestling is not the height of television. Sure, it makes billions of dollars, but it really can't be called "Good" TV. That's why you don't see pro wrestling shows winning Emmy awards, or wrestlers winning Oscars. Pro wrestling is also extremely thinly represented in other awards shows such as the MTV music awards, the American Music Awards, Grammy's, People's Choice Awards, Teen Choice Awards, Kid's Choice Awards, American Film Institute Awards, The National Society of Film Critic's Awards, The New York Film Critics Circle Awards, the MTV Movie Awards, the Essence Awards, the Daytime Emmy Awards, the Tony Awards, the Juno Awards, the Academy of Country Music Awards, the Inspirational Country Music Awards, the "A-List" Awards.

In an extra slap in the face, I discovered that one of the nominees for this year's Emmy Award for Outstanding Directing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program was THIS YEAR's OSCAR AWARDS!!!

I guess the point here is that awards shows suck. People stand around and congratulate themselves on a job well done. Well...in that same tradition, I'd like to announce that next year, I'll be running a Theme Week Awards Show called the "Jeremy Is In The Office Awards." It will feature various members of the media, entertainment, sports, pop culture, I'll probably give an award to myself, and most likely culminate with the award for "Member Of The Most Intelligent Readership In The World Of The Year."

I'll accept nominees now through...well...sometime before the ceremony. Good luck everybody!