I Don't Have Room For All Those Jars

One fertilizer company severely overestimates the amount of money I spend on salsa

There can be no possible universe where this sentence makes any sense.  What in the blue crap are you talking about, Jeremy?  

I got an email yesterday.  That should sort it out for you. 

Not even a little.  

So, I occasionally like to attempt to get the grass in my front yard to grow better than it does.  That is to say, I would like there to be grass instead of the usual weeds and bald spots and whatnot.  Most times, this seems like a pointless endeavor, but I keep trying.  One of the things that I have done to achieve this goal is to sign myself up on an email list for a certain fertilizer company so that they can send me periodic reminders as to when is a good time to use their products for best results.  Otherwise, I'd forget about it, and the usual stuff happens with my attempted grass.  For strictly Blag purposes, we'll refer to this company as "Montgomery's."  

Nerd.  

So anyway, "Montgomery's" makes a variety of botanical products, not all of which are directly related to lawn care.  They also make a relatively famous product for all manner of plants which we'll call "PhenomenalGrowing."  I've used this product with great success in my flower pots, and I would highly recommend it for the right price.  As should come as no shock to anyone who's ever read an email, a sign-up to be reminded to fertilize my lawn is also tacit approval for this company to send me emails about all of their other products roughly twice a week.  Well, not long ago, I received one of their regular missives about "PhenomenalGrowing."  The subject line of this email, and I am not making this up, was, "Grow Your Own Salsa And Save."  

The content of the email, I can only imagine, is how to use "PhenomenalGrowing" to fertilize some tomato, onion, and pepper plants in order to stimulate their growth, thus creating more output for you to make salsa with.  By doing this, you can avoid paying for salsa at the grocery store and paying the huge corporate markup found therein.  

To level set here, a jar of salsa at the grocery costs somewhere in the neighborhood of three dollars.  The cost to set up a small garden, purchase the appropriate soil, seeds, "PhenomenalGrowing," and implements needed to not only cultivate the garden, but turn the output into salsa is somewhere in the neighborhood of a crapload more than three dollars.  The email clearly assumes that I already have a garden with an appropriate crop, and if I used their product to increase the output, I could not only have all of my usual stuff, but have plenty left over to make salsa.  This is not the case.  

Now, don't get me wrong, I like salsa as much as the next guy, but given the current state of my fruits and vegetables crop (that being precisely zero), I can't even imagine the amount of salsa I would have to theoretically buy in order to save money by growing my own.  It would be enough for me to actually get tired of eating tacos...and that's simply a world in which I don't want to live.  If it's all the same to you, "Montgomery's," I'll go ahead and continue using your product on my flowers and buy salsa from the grocery store.  If, however, you want to sponsor my salsa garden, well then, we can talk.