It Wasn't My Thumb

No matter how much you honk at me, I am not going to purposely ram into the car in front of me

I guess that's very neighborly of you, Jeremy.  Thanks?

First of all, everyone reading, stop whatever you're doing and Watch This Video.  It's a kitten in a box full of ducklings, and it's even more adorable than you're thinking it could possibly be right now.   

Now...on to business.

So, not far from my house, there's a somewhat bizarrely designed intersection.  It's where a small road that has a mall exit meets the main road through my town.  It's also in a location where nearly everywhere I go involves me going through this intersection.  It's bizarrely designed because in the one direction (which is where I almost invariably find myself), there are three lanes.  Two of the lanes turn left onto the main road, and the third (right-most) lane is a combination straight/right turn lane.  The light itself has a right turn arrow which does little good if the first person in line is going straight.

This is a concept which is lost on morons the farther back in line they go.  

Not long ago, I sat at this intersection, second in line.  I had planned on turning right, so my turn signal was on.  For those readers living in Pennsylvania, that's the little blinking light on the car which tells other drivers which way you plan to go.  The person in front of me was apparently going straight, as evidenced by the lack of a turn signal and the fact that they didn't move once the right turn arrow came on.  I patiently waited for the light to cycle so that the person in front could proceed through the intersection and I could turn right. 

This is a concept which was lost on the moron behind me in line. 

I heard a short honk from a car horn.  I didn't think much of it because car horns honk for a number of reasons.  But when there was another, longer honk, I noticed that it had come from directly behind me.  When still I didn't move (after all, there was a stopped car directly in front of me), this idiot lady behind me laid on the car horn for a solid 3 seconds.  I proceeded to gesture as if to ask what this mentally deficient driver would like me to do, pointed out the car in front of me, and allowed her a detailed view of one of my fingers.  All of this, of course, was done inside the confines of my own car, because it was cold, and I didn't feel like sticking my head out the window to inquire about her strangely urgent need to get to SuperCuts.  (By the way, I'm not making that up...I was going to a nearby shopping plaza, and she coincidentally followed me the entire way there and walked into the barber shop) 

So, no, brain-dead lady behind me at the traffic light.  I will not be plowing my car into another one in front of me simply because you feel I'm not moving at the right time.  I hope you enjoy your haircut.