My Jawbone Hurts...

Extremely disappointed that there was no character named “Jabronius” in that movie

Jeremy mistakenly took the opportunity to see the movie "Hercules" recently.  While he may regret it now, it really is to your benefit as he presents his critique.  

So everybody knows about Hercules, the classic mythological hero who developed great strength by being the son of a God and by carrying a cow or something, then performed twelve labors.  Well, picture if you will, that following this, Hercules became the leader of a band of mercenaries, beating up bad guys and telling stories for money.  This is the premise of the new Hercules movie starring The Rock.  Ostensibly, the movie stars "Dwayne Johnson" but nobody knows who that is, so I'll just call him The Rock.  He's a professional wrestler, and this is important.  

So, our boy Rocky has tried to break into the world of acting with such drivel as "Doom," "Race to Witch Mountain," and "Tooth Fairy."  Outstanding stuff, to be sure.  So, here is the latest attempt, and it goes about as well as you've come to expect.  The story is formulaic and predictable (those of us who watched the movie made no fewer than 5 successful predictions about things that would happen), the characters are entirely one-dimensional, everything is colored yellow for some reason, and there is a violation of Jeremy's Big Rule #2 ("Never repeat a line of dialog for Poignant Effect.")  

So, at this point, we've firmly established that the film has no credibility anyway, a fact which is only magnified when The Rock body-slams a horse.  There's a major (and yes, predictable) heel turn, and the whole movie is about fighting, so it seemed only reasonable to me to add other elements of The Rock's wrestling career into the rest of the flotsam.  There was a bet as to whether or not Hercules would apply either the Rock Bottom or the People's Elbow to a villain (The Rock's signature finishing moves), and many jokes were made about whether or not people smelled what Hercules was cooking, and if the final bad guy would be played by Stone Cold Steve Austin.  While all of these would be amusing references to pro wrestling, they would be admittedly blatant and tasteless for somebody genuinely trying to make a go of serious acting.  But, I was truly saddened by the fact that a random character in the film was not named "Jabronius."  

See, The Rock would often refer to people as "Jabroni," as an insult, and extension of the common wrestling term "jobber."  It would be a subtle enough reference that would escape all but the most ardent fans of The Rock's wrestling work (although, that's really the only people that have ever gone to see his acting work) but not disrupt from the film itself.  Of course, since the film was so bad on its own, it didn't really need much help from the actors' catch phrases seeping in.  

This has been another edition of Jeremy Is In The Theatre.