Brains, Not BRAAAAAAAINS

Owning a car with a proximity key is a critical part of any zombie survival plan

These are the things that go through Jeremy's head more often than not.  Please enjoy this stroll through the swirling miasma of...well..whatever this is.  

So, I've mentioned before how my car has a proximity key.  It's a wonderful invention that I will never be without again.  Gone are the days when you had to poke some little metal thingy into a hole in the side of your car door and turn some sort of internal mechanism that would unlock it.  Gone, even, are the days when you can push a button on a little remote control to unlock the door while you walk up to it.  Now, all you do is walk up to your car, push a button on the handle, and the car immediately recognizes that you have the key in your pocket and unlocks itself.  It's the next best thing to having a valet or concierge or majordomo open then door for you as you approach.  

I'm just kidding about that last sentence.  I would never leave such a menial task to my majordomo.  That's just silly talk.  

Not only has this invention changed my view on opening car doors in the traditional sense forever, but in an emergency situation, I can't think of a better way to do things.  Take, for example, the eventuality of a zombie apocalypse.  Recent popularity of things like The Walking Dead and World War Z have brought new life to people's preparedness for such an occasion.  Some people go nuts with the joke, and have underground bunkers with walls full of automatic weapons and years worth of food and water.  Others just decide in advance where they're going to go and who they're going to invite...things like that.  My plan is to commandeer the church on the hill near the airport.  It's perfect!  It's up on a hill with good sight lines for defense, it's next to a stream for water, near the small airport for evac, and a short distance from malls and shops for supply looting.  I also have a car with a proximity key!  

We've all seen the monster/killer/zombie movies where people fumble around in their pockets to get out their car keys while running, (usually falling, too), then their hands are shaking so bad that they can't get the key into the keyhole in the door.  The locking mechanism often jams, as seen in This Classic Scene, and once they get into the car, there's more key fumbling before inserting the key into the ignition, starting the car and driving away.  All of this nonsense is rendered obsolete with the proximity key.  You can just run to your car while focusing on running.  No hands in the pockets, no balance issues, just running and looking straight again.  You open the door with no problems, push the button, and the car starts.  You're peeling rubber before the poor sap next to you can even get their keys unstuck from the lining of their pants...and they're zombie food.  It's like the old saying goes...when running from zombies, you don't have to be the fastest, you just have to be faster than the slowest.  So every little bit helps.