“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is a very irresponsible song
in this age of Bird Flu
I also find it a little shocking that a professed "true love" would send so many dangerous animals during a joyous holiday time.
Depending on the interpretation of the lyrics, some jerk is out there sending somebody they supposedly care about either 23 or 184 birds. The difference, of course, comes from whether you choose to believe that the gifts from the previously numbered days are repeated or not. This gets a little tricky right about the time you have to procure your third set of 10 Lords for leaping, which lends credence to the other interpretation. That being the structure where only that numbered day's gift is supplied, which is added to the existing pile of sequentially numbered gifts. So, you can either choose to believe that the Four Calling Birds are only given on the fourth day, with a net total of four birds, or that they are given on the 4th, 5th, 6th etc days, leading to 9 individual gifts of 4 Calling Birds each, for a total of 36.
Ultimately, if you believe that the gifts are repeated, you will end up with a total of 12 Partridges (Pear Trees, but not batteries, included), 22 Turtle Doves, 30 French Hens (Which is at least mildly racist), 36 Calling Birds (which will eat up your Wireless Minutes in a heartbeat), and a whopping 42 each of Geese and Swans. Even without the threat of Bird Flu, your floors are now a complete and total mess.
On a completely unrelated note, does anyone else find it odd that of this joker's gifts, six of the first seven are birds, while none of the last five are? Took this chump an entire week to figure out a present other than a bird...aside from the rings. That gift idea was clearly planted.
I would hope that the Pear Tree was also planted at some point...
Back to business at hand. I don't know what the statistics are in terms of what percentage of the worldwide bird population is carrying Bird Flu at any given time, or what the transmission rate is for each individual species of bird. Nor do I know how close in contact the unfortunate recipient of these fowl will be to all of the gift birds. I also don't know if it's acceptable to look a gift bird in the mouth (Equine protocols have been firmly established since St. Jerome in the year 400). What I do know is that with 184 birds in close proximity to a new owner, the odds of acquiring Avian Flu are an astonishing 83%. Doesn't sound like much of a Christmas present to me.
That's it. You're getting socks.
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