I'm invisible!
That's a distinct possibility. Either that, or the motion detector above your garage door is broken.
Yeah. Definitely one or the other.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Something Out of a Charlton Heston Movie
What are all these locusts doing here?
Another weather-related Sametime Status? You're better than this, Jeremy.
I'm sure that's true, but it seemed important today. All of the loyal readers were concerned that The Blag You Know And Love made it through Hurricane Irene safely. Incidentally, Irene is a terrible name for a hurricane.
So fortunately, the Tubes that host this website were not flooded over the weekend, and you're back to writing crummy statuses. We can all rejoice.
Indeed! So with today's message about locusts filling in the end of the world gaps, I think this should round out my weather-related writings for the near future. Once winter comes around, I reserve the right to whine about shoveling and cold, though.
More goodies tomorrow!
Another weather-related Sametime Status? You're better than this, Jeremy.
I'm sure that's true, but it seemed important today. All of the loyal readers were concerned that The Blag You Know And Love made it through Hurricane Irene safely. Incidentally, Irene is a terrible name for a hurricane.
So fortunately, the Tubes that host this website were not flooded over the weekend, and you're back to writing crummy statuses. We can all rejoice.
Indeed! So with today's message about locusts filling in the end of the world gaps, I think this should round out my weather-related writings for the near future. Once winter comes around, I reserve the right to whine about shoveling and cold, though.
More goodies tomorrow!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
You Have Been Trolled!
The weather lately is like something out of an Elmer Fudd cartoon
You're getting a haircut?
Well, I was more referring to the great cartoon "What's Opera Doc" in which Elmer Fudd (As the demigod Siegfried) uses his Spear and Magic Helmet to summon various natural elements. They are, in order: North Winds, South Winds, Typhoons, Hurricanes, Earthquakes, and Smog. Here's a fun fact! Aside from the word "Smog," Elmer Fudd's voice in this cartoon is one of very few in Merrie Melodies' shorts NOT voiced by Mel Blanc. The uncredited voice acting for Elmer was performed by Arthur Q. Bryan.
Anyway...in the past week, we have experienced North Winds, South Winds, probably some Smog, and an earthquake. Sunday, we're told to expect a hurricane. Naturally, my thoughts immediately turn to cartoons.
You may now go about the rest of your day with "Kill the wabbit" stuck in your head. You are welcome!
You're getting a haircut?
Well, I was more referring to the great cartoon "What's Opera Doc" in which Elmer Fudd (As the demigod Siegfried) uses his Spear and Magic Helmet to summon various natural elements. They are, in order: North Winds, South Winds, Typhoons, Hurricanes, Earthquakes, and Smog. Here's a fun fact! Aside from the word "Smog," Elmer Fudd's voice in this cartoon is one of very few in Merrie Melodies' shorts NOT voiced by Mel Blanc. The uncredited voice acting for Elmer was performed by Arthur Q. Bryan.
Anyway...in the past week, we have experienced North Winds, South Winds, probably some Smog, and an earthquake. Sunday, we're told to expect a hurricane. Naturally, my thoughts immediately turn to cartoons.
You may now go about the rest of your day with "Kill the wabbit" stuck in your head. You are welcome!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
My Martini Was Perfect
Still trying to deal with the aftermath of yesterday's terrifying earthquake
Aftermath? The epicenter was like 400 miles away from you.
That's hardly the point. We still felt the effects of the tremor in New York.
You felt your desk wiggling.
In fairness, my office is on the third floor of a slightly mushroom-shaped building. The consequences could have been disastrous.
If there was an earthquake larger than the tiny little tremor that happened this far away.
Okay, so the effects at work weren't especially substantial. What about the damage caused at home?
The sand in your mini zen garden was out of place?
I actually didn't think to check there.
What I did think to check out was Facebook, which immediately exploded with comments from people about the earthquake. This, of course, is a flimsy pretext to link you all to This Edition of the whimsical webcomic XKCD. It seemed to be quite appropriate during and immediately after yesterday's events. Hope everyone made it through okay.
Aftermath? The epicenter was like 400 miles away from you.
That's hardly the point. We still felt the effects of the tremor in New York.
You felt your desk wiggling.
In fairness, my office is on the third floor of a slightly mushroom-shaped building. The consequences could have been disastrous.
If there was an earthquake larger than the tiny little tremor that happened this far away.
Okay, so the effects at work weren't especially substantial. What about the damage caused at home?
The sand in your mini zen garden was out of place?
I actually didn't think to check there.
What I did think to check out was Facebook, which immediately exploded with comments from people about the earthquake. This, of course, is a flimsy pretext to link you all to This Edition of the whimsical webcomic XKCD. It seemed to be quite appropriate during and immediately after yesterday's events. Hope everyone made it through okay.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
This Is Going To Cost Me
Awe man, I missed Southern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
Is that why there was just an earthquake? You're responsible for this?
Strangely, no. Everyone knows that "Hoodie Hoo" day is the day everyone is supposed to run outside and yell "HOODIE HOO!" at the sky in order to scare off winter. Since it's getting toward the end of winter in the Southern Hemisphere, it's their turn to scare the crappy weather up our way. This is lousy.
We up here in the north should take this opportunity to sabotage the southerners' attempts at Hoodie Hooey and do our own Hoodie Hooing in order to keep winter in the other hemisphere where it belongs.
Is that why there was just an earthquake? You're responsible for this?
Strangely, no. Everyone knows that "Hoodie Hoo" day is the day everyone is supposed to run outside and yell "HOODIE HOO!" at the sky in order to scare off winter. Since it's getting toward the end of winter in the Southern Hemisphere, it's their turn to scare the crappy weather up our way. This is lousy.
We up here in the north should take this opportunity to sabotage the southerners' attempts at Hoodie Hooey and do our own Hoodie Hooing in order to keep winter in the other hemisphere where it belongs.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Some Loyal Readers Hate Clowns
I feel like Charlie Brown from that old "Coasters" song
You got a new pet Beagle?
I sure didn't.
So back in 1958, a group called "The Coasters" put out a song called "Charlie Brown." According to Reliable Sources, the song has nothing to do with the Charlie Brown of "Peanuts" fame, but instead refers to a purely fictitious class clown who's apparently routinely throwing spitballs and gambling in gym class. He may or may not be a giant.
Anyway, today's Sametime Status is actually about Volleyball. My Facebook Friend Danny Kinda teaches us that in beach volleyball, your team gets three hits, two of which are ALWAYS yours. This means that you make the pass, your partner sets, and you hit, rather than you doing the setting, leaving the hitting up to your partner. That involves a level of trust that you shouldn't have. While this is at least partially true, when looked at from the other side of the net, when serving the ball, you always serve the ball to the person you want to have hit at you, since that person will then make the first and third hits. As such, you generally end up serving the weaker hitter. For this entire weekend's tournament, ever team I played against served me almost exclusively. This makes me sad.
At the same time, there's an ages-old beach volleyball adage that if you're getting all the serves, it's not because you can't hit, it's because your partner can't set. Therefore, I've decided to go with that as the explanation for this series of events. Also, for both days of the tournament, I had partnered up with players who can hit like freight trains, so there's also that. Regardless, all of the other teams serving at me all day made me start to think, in a rhythmic baritone voice, "Why's everybody always pickin' on me?"
So this strategy of serving the tall guy...how did this work out for the other teams?
Not especially well. I made it to the finals on the first day of the tournament, and was about to play the semi-finals for the second when Mother Nature decided to cancel the rest of the festivities. We totally would have won, though.
You got a new pet Beagle?
I sure didn't.
So back in 1958, a group called "The Coasters" put out a song called "Charlie Brown." According to Reliable Sources, the song has nothing to do with the Charlie Brown of "Peanuts" fame, but instead refers to a purely fictitious class clown who's apparently routinely throwing spitballs and gambling in gym class. He may or may not be a giant.
Anyway, today's Sametime Status is actually about Volleyball. My Facebook Friend Danny Kinda teaches us that in beach volleyball, your team gets three hits, two of which are ALWAYS yours. This means that you make the pass, your partner sets, and you hit, rather than you doing the setting, leaving the hitting up to your partner. That involves a level of trust that you shouldn't have. While this is at least partially true, when looked at from the other side of the net, when serving the ball, you always serve the ball to the person you want to have hit at you, since that person will then make the first and third hits. As such, you generally end up serving the weaker hitter. For this entire weekend's tournament, ever team I played against served me almost exclusively. This makes me sad.
At the same time, there's an ages-old beach volleyball adage that if you're getting all the serves, it's not because you can't hit, it's because your partner can't set. Therefore, I've decided to go with that as the explanation for this series of events. Also, for both days of the tournament, I had partnered up with players who can hit like freight trains, so there's also that. Regardless, all of the other teams serving at me all day made me start to think, in a rhythmic baritone voice, "Why's everybody always pickin' on me?"
So this strategy of serving the tall guy...how did this work out for the other teams?
Not especially well. I made it to the finals on the first day of the tournament, and was about to play the semi-finals for the second when Mother Nature decided to cancel the rest of the festivities. We totally would have won, though.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Hopefully, It's Not On Fire
Jeremy's Sametime Status is a proud supporter of Rooftime!
So, Rooftime is an annual charity volleyball tournament held in the Poughkeepsie, NY area and run by Loyal Reader, Steve. The tournament is a fund raiser for the Dutchess County Coalition for the Homeless. This will be the 19th year for the tournament, and a good time is sure to be had by all...especially those playing against Jeremy, because he's terrible.
Hey now!
Sorry...went off book there for a second. Please continue.
For more information, or to register to play (All ages and skillz levelz are welcome) please visit Steve at Rooftime.net.
So, Rooftime is an annual charity volleyball tournament held in the Poughkeepsie, NY area and run by Loyal Reader, Steve. The tournament is a fund raiser for the Dutchess County Coalition for the Homeless. This will be the 19th year for the tournament, and a good time is sure to be had by all...especially those playing against Jeremy, because he's terrible.
Hey now!
Sorry...went off book there for a second. Please continue.
For more information, or to register to play (All ages and skillz levelz are welcome) please visit Steve at Rooftime.net.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
It's quite the...uhmm...Quandry
I almost want to buy stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch now...almost
You want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on overpriced clothing that instantly makes you a walking billboard for a company? They really should be paying you for that.
Well, that's part of the "almost" in today's Sametime Status. There's also the fact that I really don't care for most of the clothes they put out.
What's important to know (and really, it's been all over the news, so I'm not sure how you wouldn't know about this by now) is that Abercrombie and Fitch recently offered money to the cast of "Jersey Shore" to stop wearing their products. That's right...a company actually looked at this group of ne'er-do-anything's and thought they were a detriment to their image. My hat is very much off to this company. Of course, the end result is that they just add fuel to the fire of having the cast think they're actually valid for some reason. If I knew how to solve that little problem, I'm certain I'd be rich.
You want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on overpriced clothing that instantly makes you a walking billboard for a company? They really should be paying you for that.
Well, that's part of the "almost" in today's Sametime Status. There's also the fact that I really don't care for most of the clothes they put out.
What's important to know (and really, it's been all over the news, so I'm not sure how you wouldn't know about this by now) is that Abercrombie and Fitch recently offered money to the cast of "Jersey Shore" to stop wearing their products. That's right...a company actually looked at this group of ne'er-do-anything's and thought they were a detriment to their image. My hat is very much off to this company. Of course, the end result is that they just add fuel to the fire of having the cast think they're actually valid for some reason. If I knew how to solve that little problem, I'm certain I'd be rich.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Stupid Turkey
Why did the turkey cross the road? To try to get run over by my car
That's not all that funny, actually. Definitely not as good as The Skeleton Joke.
No. It's not very funny at all. Stupid turkey.
Did the turkey succeed?
Thankfully, no. We were able to avoid catastrophe. And by "We," I mostly mean me and the truck behind me. The turkey didn't do much to prevent a mishap. Should have been Thanksgiving a little early. Would have gone great with the ready-to-be-venison in my back yard this morning.
That's not all that funny, actually. Definitely not as good as The Skeleton Joke.
No. It's not very funny at all. Stupid turkey.
Did the turkey succeed?
Thankfully, no. We were able to avoid catastrophe. And by "We," I mostly mean me and the truck behind me. The turkey didn't do much to prevent a mishap. Should have been Thanksgiving a little early. Would have gone great with the ready-to-be-venison in my back yard this morning.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Yakko Agrees With Me
As sad as it is to think about, one of these days, Elvis really is going to die
You mean all those Elvis impersonators in Las Vegas, right?
Tyler Durden once said, "On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." Sure, he was a figment of the imagination of a fictional character, but you have to admit that he had a point.
Wow. Old-school intro. Most of your loyal readers won't recognize that call-back.
The point is that at some point, Elvis really is going to die. We may not know when that is, since he's been out of the public eye for so long, but it's going to happen. Kind of a sad and sobering thought for your Tuesday, but it's been raining here for the last 3 days, so I'm grumpy.
Also, I heard mention somewhere that today is the 34th anniversary of Elvis faking his own death in a Memphis motel room. He's gone on to release no fewer than 20 hit singles since, been mentioned countless times in cartoons and crackpot conspiracy theories, single-handedly resurrected the velvet industry, and is currently ranked second behind Jesus on the list of celebrities with the most commemorative dinner plates.
In case you're wondering, Jeremy's actually not making up the 20 "posthumous" hit singles. That's entirely accurate. It also leaves out the 79 compilation albums that have also been released featuring Elvis's songs.
You mean all those Elvis impersonators in Las Vegas, right?
Tyler Durden once said, "On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." Sure, he was a figment of the imagination of a fictional character, but you have to admit that he had a point.
Wow. Old-school intro. Most of your loyal readers won't recognize that call-back.
The point is that at some point, Elvis really is going to die. We may not know when that is, since he's been out of the public eye for so long, but it's going to happen. Kind of a sad and sobering thought for your Tuesday, but it's been raining here for the last 3 days, so I'm grumpy.
Also, I heard mention somewhere that today is the 34th anniversary of Elvis faking his own death in a Memphis motel room. He's gone on to release no fewer than 20 hit singles since, been mentioned countless times in cartoons and crackpot conspiracy theories, single-handedly resurrected the velvet industry, and is currently ranked second behind Jesus on the list of celebrities with the most commemorative dinner plates.
In case you're wondering, Jeremy's actually not making up the 20 "posthumous" hit singles. That's entirely accurate. It also leaves out the 79 compilation albums that have also been released featuring Elvis's songs.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Lesser Names Are Already Taken
I want to buy a horse and name it "Basketball"
Owning a horse is a substantial commitment. Are you sure you have the dedication?
Okay, so by saying "I want to," what I'm really saying is, "It would be amusing if I were to..." I have no intention of buying a horse.
Well, you did go to Taco Bell recently...
Wait, what?
Anyway. I thought of this recently while at the race track betting the life savings on the ponies.
If your life savings amounts to two bucks, you have some issues going on.
Okay, fine...I'm not a big better on horsies, and the most I ever put down on one race (before the rest of my whimsical story takes place) was four dollars. Not exactly "life savings" range, but that's hardly worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning is what happened on the last race of the day.
Over the course of all the races at the track, I found myself in the black by a whopping $11. Woohoo! There was a horse in the final race that was the favorite to win and went by the name "Calgary Enforcer." How could I not bet on this horse? It seemed like destiny that I was to walk away from the track ahead by at least 20 bucks, and I'd be sitting pretty eating lunch all week. Since it was the final race, (known in the industry as "Nut Up Or Shut Up Time") I laid down all of my 11 dollars on Calgary Enforcer to show. Meaning that if he came in anywhere in the top 3 in the race, I would win money. I did mention he was the favorite to win, didn't I? Seems like a mildly safe bet that he's at least be among the leaders at the end. Long story short, a 66-1 underdog won the race, and 5 other horses finished between that horse and my boy Calgary Enforcer. I lost my entire day's earnings and went home with exactly what I showed up with.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Indeed. Also, I thought of a great Sametime Status. Since lots of people play a basketball game called "Horse" I thought it would be an amazingly genius idea to have a horse and name it "Basketball." It's a thought that entertained me.
Owning a horse is a substantial commitment. Are you sure you have the dedication?
Okay, so by saying "I want to," what I'm really saying is, "It would be amusing if I were to..." I have no intention of buying a horse.
Well, you did go to Taco Bell recently...
Wait, what?
Anyway. I thought of this recently while at the race track betting the life savings on the ponies.
If your life savings amounts to two bucks, you have some issues going on.
Okay, fine...I'm not a big better on horsies, and the most I ever put down on one race (before the rest of my whimsical story takes place) was four dollars. Not exactly "life savings" range, but that's hardly worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning is what happened on the last race of the day.
Over the course of all the races at the track, I found myself in the black by a whopping $11. Woohoo! There was a horse in the final race that was the favorite to win and went by the name "Calgary Enforcer." How could I not bet on this horse? It seemed like destiny that I was to walk away from the track ahead by at least 20 bucks, and I'd be sitting pretty eating lunch all week. Since it was the final race, (known in the industry as "Nut Up Or Shut Up Time") I laid down all of my 11 dollars on Calgary Enforcer to show. Meaning that if he came in anywhere in the top 3 in the race, I would win money. I did mention he was the favorite to win, didn't I? Seems like a mildly safe bet that he's at least be among the leaders at the end. Long story short, a 66-1 underdog won the race, and 5 other horses finished between that horse and my boy Calgary Enforcer. I lost my entire day's earnings and went home with exactly what I showed up with.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Indeed. Also, I thought of a great Sametime Status. Since lots of people play a basketball game called "Horse" I thought it would be an amazingly genius idea to have a horse and name it "Basketball." It's a thought that entertained me.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Won't Be The Last Time
My car smells like gas
What have I told you about the Taco Bell drive-thru?
You asked for an order of the cinnamon thingies.
...uhm....
Anyway, not even talking about that kind of gas, but thank you for dragging another entry in my Blag right down the pan.
You're welcome. It's what I do.
So today's Sametime Status is another in the long line of Sametime Statuses devoted to me doing something stupid.
This Blag will be around for years and years...
Yesterday, I mowed the lawn. I'm sure you were all concerned about that, so there you go. I did so with the mower running on fumes, because I had very little gas left in the can. On my way out for the evening, I threw the can in the trunk so I could fill it up at the gas station on the way home. (A station that, for strictly Blag Purposes, let's call "CrapsWinner")
Anyway, the working theory was that I'd fill the can, drive it home, and unload it into the garage next to the lawnmower...a darn good arrangement, if you ask me. Well, in pretty standard fare, I forgot to take it out of the trunk once I got home, so the thing sat in the trunk, stinking up my car with gas fumes all night. Today, while driving in to work, my car smelled like gas. It's a temporary condition that's probably already gone, but it makes for a fun Sametime Status. Happy weekend, everybody!
What have I told you about the Taco Bell drive-thru?
You asked for an order of the cinnamon thingies.
...uhm....
Anyway, not even talking about that kind of gas, but thank you for dragging another entry in my Blag right down the pan.
You're welcome. It's what I do.
So today's Sametime Status is another in the long line of Sametime Statuses devoted to me doing something stupid.
This Blag will be around for years and years...
Yesterday, I mowed the lawn. I'm sure you were all concerned about that, so there you go. I did so with the mower running on fumes, because I had very little gas left in the can. On my way out for the evening, I threw the can in the trunk so I could fill it up at the gas station on the way home. (A station that, for strictly Blag Purposes, let's call "CrapsWinner")
Anyway, the working theory was that I'd fill the can, drive it home, and unload it into the garage next to the lawnmower...a darn good arrangement, if you ask me. Well, in pretty standard fare, I forgot to take it out of the trunk once I got home, so the thing sat in the trunk, stinking up my car with gas fumes all night. Today, while driving in to work, my car smelled like gas. It's a temporary condition that's probably already gone, but it makes for a fun Sametime Status. Happy weekend, everybody!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Lather...Rinse...OBEY!
Alright, Cable Company. It's on!
Again with the cable company? Haven't they figured out how this works yet?
Apparently not. So, you may remember A While Ago, I used a brilliant negotiating technique to score a sweet deal from the cable company (which, for strictly Blag purposes, we'll call "CordSight") in which they gave me an extra year of an "Introductory Price" for their services. One of their services, I still really don't need.
Anyway, so that year has come and gone, so they sent me their annual letter informing me that my introductory price is going away, so my cable costs are about to be jacked up. I got this letter the day after I scheduled a service appointment because their internet service has been a pretty wonky lately. Bad timing on their part.
I call up the company to disconnect the phone service in order to save money once the rates go up (This process has become old hat for me at this point). The customer service person acted like their company was about to run over my dog (I don't have a dog), and started apologizing and looking for ways to help me save money that didn't involve disconnecting the phone. Why they really really want me to have this service, I'm not entirely sure, but since it works out in my favor, I'm not going to argue. She quickly realizes that I've been a customer for some time, and that I have this special introductory rate. In past years, the solution has been to simply extend the introductory price again, but in this case, apparently, that wasn't going far enough. This time, she offered to extend my introductory price for another year, and throw in a free year of a premium movie channel that for strictly Blag purposes, let's call "PresentationChronology." There are at least 2 shows on that channel that I'm familiar with and/or make otherwise perfectly legal attempts to watch, so I'll go along for the ride.
Next year, around this time, I'll be calling up to disconnect the phone and "PresentationChronology" so maybe they'll be forced to cough up a year of "DomicileTicketBooth" as well.
And back to the original point of today's Sametime Status?
Oh yeah...today was the day I had scheduled my service appointment. For the second time in as many attempts, they called in the morning to say there was a service problem in the entire neighborhood, and they didn't need to have a technician come to my house. I was at least amused when the guy showed up outside my house to check the wiring at the pole, and then immediately proceed to my neighbor's driveway to check in on their service appointment.
Again with the cable company? Haven't they figured out how this works yet?
Apparently not. So, you may remember A While Ago, I used a brilliant negotiating technique to score a sweet deal from the cable company (which, for strictly Blag purposes, we'll call "CordSight") in which they gave me an extra year of an "Introductory Price" for their services. One of their services, I still really don't need.
Anyway, so that year has come and gone, so they sent me their annual letter informing me that my introductory price is going away, so my cable costs are about to be jacked up. I got this letter the day after I scheduled a service appointment because their internet service has been a pretty wonky lately. Bad timing on their part.
I call up the company to disconnect the phone service in order to save money once the rates go up (This process has become old hat for me at this point). The customer service person acted like their company was about to run over my dog (I don't have a dog), and started apologizing and looking for ways to help me save money that didn't involve disconnecting the phone. Why they really really want me to have this service, I'm not entirely sure, but since it works out in my favor, I'm not going to argue. She quickly realizes that I've been a customer for some time, and that I have this special introductory rate. In past years, the solution has been to simply extend the introductory price again, but in this case, apparently, that wasn't going far enough. This time, she offered to extend my introductory price for another year, and throw in a free year of a premium movie channel that for strictly Blag purposes, let's call "PresentationChronology." There are at least 2 shows on that channel that I'm familiar with and/or make otherwise perfectly legal attempts to watch, so I'll go along for the ride.
Next year, around this time, I'll be calling up to disconnect the phone and "PresentationChronology" so maybe they'll be forced to cough up a year of "DomicileTicketBooth" as well.
And back to the original point of today's Sametime Status?
Oh yeah...today was the day I had scheduled my service appointment. For the second time in as many attempts, they called in the morning to say there was a service problem in the entire neighborhood, and they didn't need to have a technician come to my house. I was at least amused when the guy showed up outside my house to check the wiring at the pole, and then immediately proceed to my neighbor's driveway to check in on their service appointment.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Good Policy, Sure
"Neatness" isn't a very good motto
Doesn't quite have the same ring as "Semper Fidelis" does it?
Nope...that's a pretty good one. The Boy Scouts go with "Be Prepared," while the United States likes "In God We Trust." "qo'mey poSmoH Hol" of course belongs to the Klingon Language Institute (It means "Language opens worlds"...don't bother looking it up), and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police "Maintain The Right."
All of these are great and famous mottos...possible exception of the Klingon one...but what's your point?
My point is that mottos are catchy little phrases that embody what a group is all about. Mottos should be memorable and at least a little profound. As such, not everything can be called a Motto.
Every summer, I get solicitations from a few different "companies" who are offering their services to me for driveway top-coating. I really should do that, so I'm going to be taking one of them up on their offer, but it's a matter of deciding which one from the mountain of fliers, pamphlets, web pages, and radio spots. (The one for "Billy The Biker" is actually really funny, so that may be as good a decider as any. And no, I'm not making that up.) So one of them showed up wedged on my mailbox that contained very little information, a slew of grammatical errors, a phone number, a petition from God to call this company, and the company's motto. Well...sort of. It contained, buried in the flurry of half-information, the sentence "Neatness Is Our Motto". This is terrible. Not only is it not an especially catchy motto, but I can't figure out how it's even unique to this particular paving "company" which is really some guy who lives in his mother's basement. (I know this because I've met the guy when his mom dropped him off to deliver a flier last summer.) When I hear the motto "Neatness" I'm not going to think of this particular guy splattering tar on the ground. As much as I'm glad he's conscious of neatness when sealing driveways, I really think he needs a new motto...or to learn what the word motto means. One or the other...I'm not picky.
Doesn't quite have the same ring as "Semper Fidelis" does it?
Nope...that's a pretty good one. The Boy Scouts go with "Be Prepared," while the United States likes "In God We Trust." "qo'mey poSmoH Hol" of course belongs to the Klingon Language Institute (It means "Language opens worlds"...don't bother looking it up), and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police "Maintain The Right."
All of these are great and famous mottos...possible exception of the Klingon one...but what's your point?
My point is that mottos are catchy little phrases that embody what a group is all about. Mottos should be memorable and at least a little profound. As such, not everything can be called a Motto.
Every summer, I get solicitations from a few different "companies" who are offering their services to me for driveway top-coating. I really should do that, so I'm going to be taking one of them up on their offer, but it's a matter of deciding which one from the mountain of fliers, pamphlets, web pages, and radio spots. (The one for "Billy The Biker" is actually really funny, so that may be as good a decider as any. And no, I'm not making that up.) So one of them showed up wedged on my mailbox that contained very little information, a slew of grammatical errors, a phone number, a petition from God to call this company, and the company's motto. Well...sort of. It contained, buried in the flurry of half-information, the sentence "Neatness Is Our Motto". This is terrible. Not only is it not an especially catchy motto, but I can't figure out how it's even unique to this particular paving "company" which is really some guy who lives in his mother's basement. (I know this because I've met the guy when his mom dropped him off to deliver a flier last summer.) When I hear the motto "Neatness" I'm not going to think of this particular guy splattering tar on the ground. As much as I'm glad he's conscious of neatness when sealing driveways, I really think he needs a new motto...or to learn what the word motto means. One or the other...I'm not picky.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Well, That Sucked
IT'S ALIVE!!!
Welcome back, Jeremy. Hopefully you had a good vacation.
Wish I could say my computer had a good vacation, too. However, I really can't. But, what I can do is tell some Tales Of Whimsy from Tech Support.
First, I'll introduce you to my newest catch phrase. This came about as the first of my several tech support friends was trying to get me to type "rto" into the command prompt. This is not a difficult thing to do, but when it's explained in the manner that was used, it becomes horrifyingly frustrating. The actual phrase is as follows...and I swear, I am not making this up:
"Type 'R' as in 'Drawbridge', 'T' as in 'Thomas,' and 'O' as in 'Orange.'"
Some of you see where the lines of communication may have broken down right there. I'm all for using your own customized phonetic alphabet, since "Lima" is a little weird for L and I can never seem to remember that K is "Kilo" but whatever. What's important to remember is that when creating your own phonetic alphabet is to make sure that the words you're using actually start with the letter you're trying to convey. When you deviate from this important premise, the whole dang opera just falls apart into "F as in Dogfood" territory.
So what I had to work with was the phrase "R as in Drawbridge" and I went into one of my standard Nerd Sniping shutdowns where I had to figure out what in the blue crap she was trying to tell me. This was not an isolated event either, since I had to have her repeat the request 3 times before I deciphered it. In what seemed like an eternity, dozens of thoughts flashed through my head as to what "R as in Drawbridge" meant, or what she was actually trying to say. I had originally typed "Draw" into the command line, since she didn't explain what it was she was trying to have me do, instead relying on mere letters to get me through. I thought, "There is an R in Drawbridge...two of them in fact," but that just make me wonder why the R was an important letter, because it's a compound word and neither part starts with R. Maybe she meant another word that's like Drawbridge, but starts with R...like...uhm...Rawfridge...Rarbage? This just got me thinking that drawbridges aren't especially common, and why would anybody think to use this word in a phonetic alphabet even if they wanted you to think "D"?
Long story short, my brain shut down for the rest of the afternoon, which was good, because I was only a couple days away from vacation.
Anyway...you may have noticed that my away message said that I'd be on vacation, and returning yesterday. Well, as of yesterday, I still had no computer since the fine folks at tech support still weren't done fixing it. That all changed about 4:00 yesterday afternoon, when I finally (mercifully) got my computer back, with a brand new operating system install, and everything completely deconfigured away from how I can actually use it. So, I'll be spending the next day or so reconfiguring everything back to a workable PC.
And the best part of this whole story...when my computer came back, it was running the old version of Sametime.
Welcome back, Jeremy. Hopefully you had a good vacation.
Wish I could say my computer had a good vacation, too. However, I really can't. But, what I can do is tell some Tales Of Whimsy from Tech Support.
First, I'll introduce you to my newest catch phrase. This came about as the first of my several tech support friends was trying to get me to type "rto" into the command prompt. This is not a difficult thing to do, but when it's explained in the manner that was used, it becomes horrifyingly frustrating. The actual phrase is as follows...and I swear, I am not making this up:
"Type 'R' as in 'Drawbridge', 'T' as in 'Thomas,' and 'O' as in 'Orange.'"
Some of you see where the lines of communication may have broken down right there. I'm all for using your own customized phonetic alphabet, since "Lima" is a little weird for L and I can never seem to remember that K is "Kilo" but whatever. What's important to remember is that when creating your own phonetic alphabet is to make sure that the words you're using actually start with the letter you're trying to convey. When you deviate from this important premise, the whole dang opera just falls apart into "F as in Dogfood" territory.
So what I had to work with was the phrase "R as in Drawbridge" and I went into one of my standard Nerd Sniping shutdowns where I had to figure out what in the blue crap she was trying to tell me. This was not an isolated event either, since I had to have her repeat the request 3 times before I deciphered it. In what seemed like an eternity, dozens of thoughts flashed through my head as to what "R as in Drawbridge" meant, or what she was actually trying to say. I had originally typed "Draw" into the command line, since she didn't explain what it was she was trying to have me do, instead relying on mere letters to get me through. I thought, "There is an R in Drawbridge...two of them in fact," but that just make me wonder why the R was an important letter, because it's a compound word and neither part starts with R. Maybe she meant another word that's like Drawbridge, but starts with R...like...uhm...Rawfridge...Rarbage? This just got me thinking that drawbridges aren't especially common, and why would anybody think to use this word in a phonetic alphabet even if they wanted you to think "D"?
Long story short, my brain shut down for the rest of the afternoon, which was good, because I was only a couple days away from vacation.
Anyway...you may have noticed that my away message said that I'd be on vacation, and returning yesterday. Well, as of yesterday, I still had no computer since the fine folks at tech support still weren't done fixing it. That all changed about 4:00 yesterday afternoon, when I finally (mercifully) got my computer back, with a brand new operating system install, and everything completely deconfigured away from how I can actually use it. So, I'll be spending the next day or so reconfiguring everything back to a workable PC.
And the best part of this whole story...when my computer came back, it was running the old version of Sametime.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)