Vote Grimlock!

Optimus Prime is too much like Congress for me to like him now


***SPOILER ALERT***
Consider yourself warned. Today's Blag contains a lot of pretty substantial spoilers regarding the newish movie "Transformers 3: Dark Of The Moon." If you haven't seen the movie and don't want to know some pretty critical stuff about it, stop reading now.

Otherwise...please continue. You're on your own.


The character of Optimus Prime has been around longer than I'd like to admit, because it will make me feel old.

Congress has been around since the late 1700s. I wasn't around back then.

Both were intended to be a sort of force for good. A benevolent leader that would always have the best interests of The People in mind. Optimus respected the fact that the Autobots crash-landed on earth and strove to preserve the existence of humanity. Congress would draw up the laws of the land and create public policy that would benefit the country as a whole, as well as the individuals.

Things have changed.

Congress is now a force for re-election and political power. The only reason anything ever gets done in government is if it will get somebody's face on the news spouting off some talking point about how wonderful they are and how evil and destructive the other party is. Optimus Prime, as of this most recent movie, is now a political puppet willing to sacrifice the people of earth to benefit his own public opinion. Sound familiar? Well, it should.

You may be aware that there is a ridiculously giant political hot-potato happening right now that has a live grenade lodged inside of it. It's called the debt ceiling, and once August 2nd rolls around, the US will no longer be able to pay its debts, which will, in all likelihood, send the entire global economy into a tailspin. Seems like the type of thing you'd want to avoid as a benevolent leader. How has congress dealt with the problem? By passing along the potato from one political party to the other and hoping that when the grenade goes off, the other party will be holding it. Each side knows what it "demands" and also knows full well that what it's demanding doesn't solve the problem. Despite this, they remain stubborn because any sort of "compromise" will be seen as a sign of weakness and defeat to the evil forces of the other political party. So here the rest of us are, helplessly watching as our leaders bring the entire global economy to the brink of collapse just so they can be the one to sweep in at the last moment, put the pin back in the grenade, and be the hero who's worthy of re-election. Idiots.

Which brings me to Transformers. At one point in the film, it was decided that the Autobots were jerks and had to be jettisoned from the earth in favor of a deal made with the Decepticons. (We'll leave the obvious stupidity of this aside) The Autobots spaceship is destroyed by the Decepticons shortly after liftoff, and as quickly as the US Government breaks Native American treaties, the Decepticons go to work annihilating the city of Chicago. Not sure why they picked Chicago, but we'll just go with that, too. So Chicago is destroyed, millions of people are dead, Planet Cybertron is being transported to our solar system, and the entire human race is about to be enslaved by the Decepticons, and who shows up? Why, it's our boy Optimus, here to save the day!

As it turns out, Optimus and the rest of the Autobots faked their own deaths and hung out watching while the Decepticons ruined an entire city along with everyone in it. Why? So that Optimus could come in at the last possible second with an "I Told You So", save the day, kill all the Decepticons and win back public support for the Autobots. Gee, Optimus...thanks for that, but couldn't you have stopped all this nonsense before all the fuss of mass death and destruction? What a chump!

I'm not sure who my message is for today, Optimus Prime or the morons in Congress, but the message is clear. If you want to be a benevolent leader, actually do some leading. Don't use wonton death and destruction as a tool for political gain.


This has been another edition of Jeremy Is In The Theatre