It's a scoobie oobie doobie scoobie doobie melody

Somebody may now explain to me why my MP3 collection includes “Scatman.”


Interesting choice in 90's techno.


Yes, but not only is it a perfectly dreadful song, but it also violates Jeremy's Big Rule #1 of Music.


Dare I ask?


The rule simply states that if the lyrics of your song include the name of your group, you have written a bad song. Obviously, there are notable exceptions to this rule, such as "Bad Company" by Bad Company, and "Rock and Roll Band" by Boston. However, these are much rarer than songs that fit the rule....such as "Wild Wild West" by Escape Club, "Cha Cha Slide" by DJ Casper, just about anything by Destiny's Child or Kid Rock, and the aforementioned "Scatman."


And yet, you have the song.


I do...and despite the fact that it made its way to Sametime Status territory, I'm reasonably certain it had something to do with it's appearance in the 1997 movie Nothing To Lose, with Tim Robbins and Martin Lawrence. That's not a typo. It's actually a perfectly hilarious movie despite the plot holes you can sail a battleship through.

In fact, Here's the Clip!

Warning! The above clip contains strong language which may be offensive to younger viewers, spiders which may be offensive to arachnophobics, “Scatman” which may be offensive to music lovers, Tim Robbins dancing which may be offensive to just about anyone, and a Windows NT reference which may be offensive to computer professionals. Basically, nobody in their right mind should go clicking on that. Enjoy!!

Password Day - Part MCMXVIII

It’s Password Changing Day! My email password is no longer “gr33nappl3t1ni”


I'm sure this is a violation of something


Actually, no. I do enjoy making light of the fact that I have to change my password on 15 different systems every 90 days, and each of those systems has different rules about what the passwords can contain, how long they have to be, "password quality", and how many iterations it takes to get one that is acceptable. Those of you who have been following Jeremy's Sametime Status for a while now will recognize this as the next in a long series of statuses on Password Day. Usually, the status will have a silly or self-deprecating word that could potentially be used as a password....such as "Appletini." However, and I know this may come as a shock to you loyal readers, but these have never actually been used as my passwords.


That's too bad.


Not really.


So what's new?


Well....if you're like me...


I'd throw myself in front of a train.


...then you probably sit at holiday dinners, enjoying a refreshing cola. Then you look at your beverage and think to yourself, "Hmm...needs ham."


Nobody in recorded history has ever said that.


Well, the Jones Soda company has your answer! Introducing (on their behalf), the 2007 Jones Soda Holiday Soda Pack! Inside are 4 Holiday-riffic flavours for your refreshment. Christmas Tree, Sugar Plum, Egg Nog, and of course, Ham!


Did you just use the word "Holiday-riffic"?


Also available in Chanukah Flavors !

I have a give and take Blag

Compromise: Lowering my standards so you can meet them.


What's with the bold?


I'm trying it out for today. Some people apparently are confused about the actual purpose of the Blag...that being to display my daily Instant Messenger Status message. It's an extra HTML tag I have to add to the post, but it's a sacrifice I may or may not be willing to make for you. We'll see how it goes.


Not bad. Where'd the message come from?


Would you believe I don't remember? Probably off a message board or something.


Yes, I would believe that. What else have you got today?


Well...today, I don't so much have a "Quiz" related blag entry, but it is a question I'm posing to my loyal readership.

I enjoy football...in moderation...but I'm not entirely up to speed on any of it. I know the Patriots are undefeated, everybody hates this fact, and Michael Vick is in jail, but that's about it. I would like somebody to clarify a rule for me. There was a call made in a game over the weekend that I can't find in any football rule book posted online after an exhaustive 3-minute Google search. Here are a couple examples of this call in action:

Clip from this weekend's UMD/NCSU game

Older video from a Jets/Bills game

Welcome Back!

...In sporting news today, a stunning upset at the Erie Otters game, where the final score was Mullets 4, Camouflage 2


It's monday morning after a holiday...so I'm confused.


Confused? How can I clarify?


Were the Otters playing, or was it the Mullets vs the Camouflages?


Ahh....I see. Well, the Erie Otters were playing against the Kitchener Rangers in the hockey game. I simply went to the concession stand. On that trip, I decided to count the number of mullets and compare it to the number of people wearing an article of clothing with camo on it. I fully expected the camouflage to win handily, but the mullets came through in the end.


Disturbing.


Yes....it sure is.


So, I faithfully read last week's posts, and I'd like the answers to the quiz question, please.


By all means! In no particular order:

The movie quote is from the 1940 film His Girl Friday, starring Cary Grant and Ralph Bellamy. It is in reference to a newspaper writer who is sent back to the main office in order to distract him from a developing story.




Also...the answer to the brain teaser is: 1, 4, 9, 16, 25, 36, 49, 64, 81, and 100 are left open. Look familiar? It should.

Each locker is moved by all the students whose numbers are a factor of that locker number. 24 for example is moved by 1,2,3,4,6,8,12, and 24. Now...since factors by nature always seem to come in pairs, (1x24, 2x12...) the resulting total number of factors is almost always even. However, in order for a locker to remain open, it must be moved an odd number of times. The only possible way for a number to have an odd number of factors it for one to repeat itself. Thus, the only lockers that remain open in the end are the perfect squares.

Best Of Theme Week - Part V

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: “Good Luck Week!” Here's the plan. You must slit the sick sixth sheet slitter's son's sheet, secure it next to the toy boat from the Hackensack Socko Kickey-Sack Sack Kicker's picnic in Secaucus, stretch it past the sack picker station and the sock plucker's chute, pick a sack, pluck a sock, and flick the plug, so I can put the pea in the plucked sock with the picked sack for ballast, bounce it off the rubber baby buggy bumper, into the Parker Packard Purple Pewter Pressure Pump. Is that understood?


Ah yes, who could forget Good Luck Week? Earlier this year, in order to make Sametime Status reading more challenging, we had a series of tongue-twister messages that got progressively more difficult to master as the week went on. This Friday message was the culmination of the week, and comes to you courtesy of Pinky and the Brain.

They had an episode, “You Said a Mouseful,” in which virtually the entire episode was one long tongue twister. The above message is The Brain explaining the day’s plan to take over the world to Pinky. Needless to say, when the moment of truth arises, Brain is unable to recite the instructions to Pinky, the plan goes awry, and they are booted from the plant by Peggy Babcock. Also included with this message is a Youtube clip showing the original tour of the Sack Kicker plant and the Brain’s plan recital in its entirely. Enjoy!

Brain's Plan Video

Best Of Theme Week - Part IV

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Words of Wisdom from my new mentor, Dr. Perry Cox! “In this room we have enough brain power to light up a city. Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy-conservation laws.”


Somewhere along the line, I was introduced to the TV show “Scrubs.” I’m not sure why it took so long, since various members of my family insisted it was the funniest show around, and there was this character, Dr. Cox, whose sarcasm and delivery were a comedy goldmine. Since I’m not big on doctor shows, I never watched it. For some reason, not long ago, I sat down in front of the Season 1 DVD’s, and the rest is history.

Dr. Cox became my new mentor, and I strive to be like him every day. I still can’t go on the amazing long-winded rants like he can, or call somebody by a different girl’s name every time I see them (Although a co-worker and I do have a long-running thing where we never call each other by our actual names), and I really don’t have a problem with Hugh Jackman, but I’m getting better.

For your edutainment, I’ll provide a link to a fairly comprehensive Youtube video to get you acquainted with Dr. Cox. Enjoy! Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Dr. Cox Compilation Video

Best Of Theme Week - Part III

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Movie Quote Week! Name the movie (Difficult): "Handle him with kid gloves. Put him to work writing poetry. No, no, we don't want him. Just stall him along 'til the Extra's out. Then tell him his poetry smells and kick him down the stairs."



Oh, who doesn’t love movie quotes? Most of us have a couple of movies we can recite off the top of our head, and everybody can place certain quotes with the movie they refer to roughly instantly. For example:

“Don’t cross the streams.”
“Use the Force”
“Have fun storming the castle!”

Here at Jeremy’s Sametime Status, as is often the case, we took things a step or two further. This Theme Week from 2006 found quotes from movies that are a little more obscure, though no less important. We used a quote from “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” which is widely regarded as the worst movie ever made. We used one from “The Player,” which is my personal favourite film, and this one, from what is often described as the fastest film ever made. The rate of dialogue in this picture is startling and often incomprehensible as characters talk over each other as breakneck speed. All you have to do is name the film. You have until next monday. I highly recommend you also watch the picture if you get a chance. It’s really quite good.

Best Of Theme Week - Part II

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Brain Teaser Week! (Fairly Difficult and Using Excel is Cheating) A school for mischievous students has a hallway with 100 lockers. All the lockers are closed. Student one walks down the hallway and opens every locker. Student two walks down the hallway and closes every second locker, starting at locker two. Student three walks down the hallway and changes the state of every third locker, starting at locker three (If it’s open, he closes it....if it’s closed, he opens it). And so on, student n changes the state of every n-th locker. After 100 students have passed through the hallway, which lockers are left open?



One of the most popular Theme Weeks was this spring’s “Brain Teaser Week.” In fact, the finale of that week still resides on my system as my “I’ve gone to lunch” message. It allows people to ponder the most difficult brain teaser, since nobody’s ever figured it out without me telling them the answer.

Regardless, this particular brain teaser was the Thursday edition, so it was the second hardest one. It tests people’s knowledge of mathematical principals, pattern generation, fractal drawing, mazes, hoodlums, and duct tape. Truth be told, a couple loyal readers managed to untangle the logic behind this puzzle, but I don’t think anybody really figured it out. Most tried a brute force method, which will work for the first handful of lockers, but obviously gets more difficult as the numbers get higher. You just have to hope that you recognize what you see in the Brute Force method before you either pass out or make a mistake. Or, you can change the number of students and lockers to 2000 and actually try to figure it out logically.

Since this Theme Week never originally translated to Blag form, I’ll post the answer after Thanksgiving. Good luck!

Best Of Theme Week - Part I

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Deadly Facts About Bird Flu Week! So far only a few hundred people are known to have been exposed to this virus, the H5n1 virus. But of those, about 50 to 60 percent are dead.



Jeremy’s Sametime Status was especially pleased to be able to provide this helpful and informative Public Service...“Deadly Facts About Bird Flu Week.” Not only were we able to educate the public about the potential dangers of Avian Flu, but a mere 3 days after concluding “Deadly Facts About Bird Flu Week,” the FDA officially approved the US’s first vaccine against the H5n1 virus.


Thank you.


You’re very welcome.


I’m taking the rest of the week off. Holiday time, you know.


Sorry to see you go...but come back after Thanksgiving. More Sametime goodness awaits!


Will do!

Vacation!!!!

Dear Loyal Readers,

Jeremy's Sametime Status is out of the office, and will return on November 26th with all new Statuses.

In the meantime, so you don't have to go an entire week without, please take your time going through the next week of messages (No reading ahead), and enjoy "Best Of Theme Week" Week!

A ham and egg bagel sandwich sounds really good, actually

"I’m always 'Hey, here I am, ready to intelligently discuss the Issues of the Day' and you’re all, 'd00d what’s for breakfast?? :00!'" - Utahraptor


Aren't Utahraptors extinct?


Hardly the point. Today's message comes to you courtesy of Dinosaur Comics. 'Dinosaur' is a whimsical webcomic about a few anthropomorphic and anachronistic dinosaurs who gather together every day to discuss relevant issues of the day.


The artwork leaves a little to be desired.


While it's very true that if you look through just a handful of the archived comics, you should start to notice something in the artwork...this actually seems to add a bit to the experience.


How's that?


You already know what the interactions are going to be. T-Rex will state the day's topic, and weigh in with Dromiceiomimus...who will generally agree with T-Rex, but in a less naive way. Then Utahraptor will come in and provide the foil to T-Rex's antics. You know it's coming, it's just a matter of how.

The fact that Utahraptor generally points out the flaws in T-Rex's thought process adds an extra dimension to the comic in that both sides of an issue are presented. Also, both T-Rex and Utahraptor remain close friends, despite their near constant disagreement. This balance of mutual respect and counterpoint really is quite genius.


Can you provide other examples of this?


Sadly, I don't know of any other medium that uses this technique. I'm sure there must be one online somewhere, but I can't find it.


Interesting. So what's on tap for the Blag?


Jeremy's Sametime Status (Jeremy Is In The Office) will be on vacation next week. There is talk of running a "Best Of Jeremy's Sametime Status" Theme Week, simply so you won't be deprived of the Blaggy goodness you've come to know and love. Still being debated, though. We'll see.

That's what happened with Skynet

“People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake.” Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


Did a computer try to kill Michael in a lake?


Yes and no. A couple weeks ago, Michael was upset with the new Dunder Mifflin website, and his beloved Sebring was in the shop. His rental car had a GPS system in it, which gave him some moderately confusing directions. To prove a point, Michael purposely drove the car straight into the lake...thereby making everybody believe that people are better than computers.


I see. So tonight is pretty bittersweet, isn't it?


Definitely. While we do get a new episode of Office (Jan sues Dunder Mifflin for wrongful termination, and Michael is deposed as a witness), it will be the final new episode for an indeterminate amount of time until this whole writer's strike thing is resolved. Too bad, too..because rumour has it, what would have been the next episode is one of the funniest ones ever...Jim and Pam have a dinner date with Michael and Jan at Michael's condo. Oh well. At least it's hockey season.

True story

Why exactly is the guy who drives a pickup truck with the license plate “MUTNCHOP” clean shaven?


I'm sure I don't know.


Me neither. But today's Sametime Status is based on a true story. I drove past this guy on the highway on my way to work a little while back. I read the plate, and actually got intrigued about how much facial hair the guy driving must have. He had none...and I have to admit a certain level of disappointment.

Those who are new to Jeremy's Sametime Status may not be aware of another license plate message run a little while back (before the advent of this Blag). There was a wonderfully ironic little accident on the road near the plant here. Somebody in an SUV rear-ended somebody else driving a black pickup truck that had the license plate 4LFCLOVR.

Lumpy

I AM TEH CAPTAIN OF THE CARPET SHIP!


You can't spell. Also...what?!


Today's status message brought to you by the whimsical webcomic Two Lumps. It's a slightly off-center comic about two anthropomorphic cats. One of whom is slightly taken with taking over the world, the other is a meathead who speaks in the occasional bout of modified Lolcat. They both, however, have a weakness for gooshyfood and "pettins."

In This Particular Case, Snooch discovers vodka, which begins his love of alcohol, which pops up in comics now and again. In fact, the Carpet Ship itself makes another appearance in This more recent comic.


Good. So why is the Blag so late today?


For a couple reasons, actually. First, as stated in the very first post of this Blag, I update it when I darn well choose. Also, I was alerted this morning, incidentally, while writing today's entry, that one of my old college professors was in town today, so a bunch of us grads got together with him for a meeting and lunch.

I'll be a zombie

For the record: I don’t care how late it is, I’m never going to bed during the second intermission of a west-coast hockey game again.


Something interesting happen?


You could say that. You could also say "shocking", "startling", or "frickin' unbelievable...if I hadn't seen that with my own eyes, I never would have believed it was possible!" which is kinda my problem.


Story Time! YAY!!!


Once upon a time, there lived a Hockey fan named Jeremy. For some unknown reason, he became a fan of the Los Angeles Kings. Since they play their home games in California, they start really late at night for east coast fans, like Jeremy. In this case, the game started at 10:30PM. The Kings were playing the Dallas Stars, and when I say "playing," I mean falling all over themselves looking like dancing monkeys on ice while the Stars played hockey around them. Watching this pitiful display, and becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I own a purple hockey jersey, I decided that I had stayed up past my bedtime. I went to bed during the second intermission, with the Kings losing 4-0...it was about 12:30AM at the time. I didn't find out what happened until the following morning.


Oooooo.....so what happened? What happened?!


Well, the Kings went out into the third period still playing like monkeys and getting shut out until Dustin Brown scored a goal with 7:14 left in the game (That's nearly 13 more minutes of scoreless hockey for LA), to only trail 4-1. They then proceeded to score 4 more goals in the next 5:07 to not only take the lead 5-4, but also set a franchise record for fastest 5 goals in team history. The Stars pulled even at 5 apiece with 1:05 left in the game, sending it to overtime. A mere 2:34 into OT, Anze Kopitar scored for the Kings to complete the most miraculous comeback in LA Kings history. And all while Jeremy peacefully slumbered. The end.


Awwwwwwwweee.


In other sporting news, here's a guy with potentially the Best Name in Football.

Moving on...

I’ve found myself digressing a lot lately...but that’s hardly worth mentioning.


You really need to stop this.


Digressing?


No.


Okay...so anyway, for today's bit of Blag Edutainment, I'd like to get everyone into the spirit of the season. Granted, since the trees, ornaments, and gaudy 10-foot inflatable Santa snow globes started showing up at WalMart a couple months ago, I may be a little late, but I'd like to think of this blag as your one-stop for holiday-themed goodness. No, I don't feel good about saying the phrase "one-stop."

So, to kick off the holiday season, what screams Christmas better than nerdiness? Normally, just about everything, but when you combine the two concepts, you get the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy as performed on a Pair of Musical Tesla Coils.


And what do I do if I don't have a matched set of Tesla coils hooked up to synthesizers? Seems like a specialty item.


If that's not quite your cup of cocoa, you can always run a holiday-themed contest! For example, why not have amateur singers make their own music videos of popular Christmas Carols horrifically altered with customized lyrics based around a theme of holiday driving safety? Surely, nothing bad can come of this. Be sure to check out "The Big Present" and "Holiday Ringtone."


I'll never forgive you for this.


No need to thank me.

Motivation by Michael

“Mistakes are just successes that you mess up.” Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin


How profound. So what happens this week?


Michael goes on a "Survivorman" type adventure into the woods on his own. You can imagine the trouble he'll get into.


Speaking of trouble....how does this writers strike business affect the show?


Sadly, since most of the writers are also stars of the show, and since the three main actors who aren't writers won't cross the picket lines to film, Office has already stopped production until the writers guild strike is over. This week's and next week's episodes have already completed production, so they will air as scheduled, but after that, The Office will officially be Out of the Office. :(

Oh, delicious irony...

Disney World is a people trap operated by a mouse.


So Bob Iger and the cryogenically frozen remains of Walt Disney have nothing to do with it?


That's really beside the point. What's important is that I have an amusing quote as my status message this morning. This is especially important because we're quickly coming to the end of the Notesbuddy days, and I'll have to switch Instant Messaging programs next week.


Will that affect the Blag we've come to know, love, and depend on?


Not at all. It will only adversely affect things like my ability to do my job properly.


That's a relief.


No kidding. Anyway...for your Blag entertainment today, please enjoy The Invisible Rope Prank!

He forgot to turn his clock back

The Rooster crows at midnight.


What's the deal?


It's one of my more cryptic messages, the true meaning of which is left as an exercise to the reader.


I'm guessing it's meaningless.


So, elsewhere on Internet (Which is running horrifically slow here today), CNN recently ran an article about awful eponyms and the people they were named for. I have no doubt it was inspired by this Blag. Anyway....if you're interested, and I know you are, Here's a Link.

Subject to interpretation...

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness.” - Dave Barry


Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know which side of the line this blag is on.


Indeed, it is a perfectly good hobby.


No.


So anyway, lots of good stuff for you here today. Staring with the results of last week's Quiz-Related Theme Week. Two loyal readers tied at 4 correct answers, several people cheated, and one person just totally didn't get it. Congratulations!

That said, here are the remaining answers from Friday:

BCEGKMQSW: These are the letters, when converted to numbers using the the A=1, B=2 method would represent the Prime Numbers. 2,3,5,7,11...etc. 2 people got this correct, only one without cheating.

ACDEGJKMNPSTWXZ: These letters all contain the color Blue in their International Maritime Signal Flag. One person was remarkably close, having checked for any similarities between those letters in Morse Code and Semaphore. Oh well....nobody wins the prize...which is good, because I got slaughtered in poker over the weekend, so I don't need to be giving away more money. I don't know what I did to anger the Poker Cards, but it must have been pretty vile. I literally folded 8-2 off suit three consecutive hands. How is that even possible?


Better luck next time.


Thank you. In the meantime, if you're tired of those constant bullying problems, a couple third graders from Columbus, Ohio may have the answer. Ladies, Gentlemen, and people from Elmira, presenting the Rip Away 1000! Enjoy!

Theme Week; Part The Fifth

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Letter Sequence Week!
Identify the following subset of the alphabet: BCEGKMQSW


I know! Those are the only letters of the alphabet that Sylvester Stallone can pronounce properly!


That may be true, but it's not the answer we're going for.


So this is the part where you give us yesterday's answer.


Yes. Yesterday's sequence (AHIMOTUVWXY), as correctly stated by nearly everybody under the sun, thereby making me feel completely inadequate because it took me forever to get it, is all the letters that (in most fonts) have symmetry about a vertical axis.


Rumour has it you have something extra for us today.


Indeed, I do. Because apparently, I'm evil, In addition to the sequence above, I'm giving out a Special Internet-Only Cruel, Fiendish, Ludicrously Difficult Bonus Subset for Valuable Prizes for all of my loyal readers. Even the imaginary ones. So here you go:

Special Internet-Only Cruel, Fiendish, Ludicrously Difficult Bonus Subset for Valuable Prizes! Identify the following subset of the alphabet: ACDEGJKMNPSTWXZ


What's the prize?


Haven't quite figured that out yet, but it will be worth approximately $10.


How do I win?


The first correct answer posted in the comment section of the Blag here will win the valuable prize. Contest begins now and ends at 8AM monday morning. Good luck....you'll need it.

Theme Week; Part The Fourth

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Letter Sequence Week!
Identify the following subset of the alphabet: AHIMOTUVWXY


I know! Those are all the first letters from the titles of whiny protest songs from the 60's!


Close, but not quite what I'm looking for.


Nuts. How did yesterday go?


Yesterday didn't go as well for the loyal readers. To my knowledge, only one person got it correct without cheating or asking or hints. Today's might actually be a little easier...I'm not sure. It took me longer to get this one, so that's why it ended up fourth.

Either way, the answer to yesterday's sequence, (CEFGHIJKLMNSTUVWXYZ) is that those are all the letters whose upper case contains no enclosed area.


So I know it's Theme Week and all, but what's up with Office tonight?


Ooo...big scandalous episode! Karen (Jim's ex that he dumped for Pam) comes back to Scranton to try to get Stanley to move to the Utica branch of Dunder Mifflin. That's going to be uncomfortable.