This Is Why I Don't Clean Things!

Anybody can lose a sock in the laundry.  I lose pillow cases!


Good for you, Jeremy.  You've one-upped us all once again.  And as usual, not necessarily for the better.  


I disagree.  I think this shows just how much I'm willing to think outside the box.  That's never a bad thing, right?  

Anyway, recently, it was laundry day in the Jeremy household.  It happens on occasion, when I run out of clothes to wear or need to de-clutter the floor of my room.  It's not unlike my policy on dishes: Use a dish, put it in the dishwasher.  Run out of dishes, run the dishwasher.  It's a very simple system and it works like a champ most of the time.  

So, laundry day often involves bedding, since that stuff apparently gets dirty, too.  So, I follow the usual practice of throwing all of the sheets into the washing machine, then the dryer, then returning them to the bed.  This is surprisingly more efficient than the policy for some clothes...where I take them out of the dryer, and they stay in the laundry basket at the foot of my bed until it's time to do laundry again.  But that's beside the point entirely.  What's important here is that when I put all of the bedding back on the bed, there was a pillow case missing.  

It's also important to note that I have more pillows on my bed than I ever use.  Bedding ensembles nowadays come with far too many pillow cases, forcing you to buy more pillows than you need just so parts of the bedding don't do to waste.  As such, I have two actual pillow pillows, two standard size extra pillows, four decorative throw pillows, and two ludicrously large sham pillows on my bed.  This is nonsense.  All of this crap, with the exception of two standard pillows and one of the extras, spends the bulk of its life on the floor next to the bed, or on the dresser, taking up space.  Of course, since I never use any of it, I also roughly never wash it because it doesn't get dirty.  

So, when I say that one of my pillow cases was missing, I'm referring to one of the only two actually important pillow cases in my life.  And since there's not an infinite amount of space between the bed and the laundry room, and the only thing being washed at the time was bedding, it's remarkable that this pillow case ended up missing.  It took me a full half hour to find the thing, after searching all of the laundry piles, the laundry room, the washer, the dryer, all of the hallway in between the laundry room and the bedroom.  Of course it was under the bed sheet that I had already put back on the bed.  Why wouldn't it be? 

Science! It Hurts, Sometimes

I like this fuzzy shirt I have because I can see the static electric sparks it makes  

You're not wearing a fuzzy shirt.  You have a pretty standard fare gray button-down.  Why are you lying to the nice people, Jeremy?  

Okay, so I'm not wearing that particular shirt at this very moment, but I wear it quite frequently at home.  It's soft and warm.  It also has the downside of being amazingly good at generating static electricity.  

This has its good and bad points.  

Another thing that I have which is noteworthy for static electricity is my couch.  Either of them, for that matter...they're both the same.  I've gotten into the habit of grounding myself to my computer case when I stand up, otherwise, I run the risk of an impressively powerful electric shock when I touch the light switch.  Here's a Fun Fact...a standard static electric spark that you get from a couch or scuffing your feet across the floor is around 4000-20,000 volts.  Anyway...combining my gray fuzzy shirt with my devious couch provides a nearly dangerous* amount of static electricity, which manifests itself in several ways.  

*It's not actually nearly dangerous.  The amount of charge is WAY too low to actually hurt anything, despite the high voltage

 So anyway, what's especially fun about this shirt is moving it around in the dark.  The shirt itself will actually discharge its static electricity to whatever happens to be nearby, which is usually my arm.  When it does, there is the tell-tale sparking sound, which sounds like somebody stepping on the world's most adorably tiny bubble wrap, and the sparks themselves.  If the room is dark enough, you can actually see my shirt lighting up like a really busy thunderstorm.  It's amazingly fun, and just makes me want to wear the shirt even more.  Even if it means zapping myself on the light switch all the frickin' time. 

He Own The Chiefs

Hooray!  Jeremy's Back! 


Yeah, slacker.  What's up?  


Well, me for starters.  There's been a lot going on in Jeremy Land lately, but the key thing to note is that I've been sick.  It sucks, and I'm probably going to have this lingering cough for another week or two, but such is life during the winter.  Winter sucks.

So, here's what you missed:

I actually had a couple amusing status messages towards the end of last week that never made it into Blag form.  The first was "Weirder?  The lyrics to 'Karn Evil 9' or the title?  Discuss."  This was the song playing on my radio when I woke up that day.  It's a good song that you've all heard, though to be more specific, you've probably heard the second part, "Karn Evil 9: 1st Impression, Part 2" which only serves to make the title that much more ridiculous.  That's the 4-minute long part of the 29+ minute ordeal that actually gets played on the radio from time to time. 

The next day was "Oglethorpe Day," for which I extended a special greeting to Ogie Olglethorpe.  That's funny if you know anything about either Oglethorpe Day or the 1977 film Slap Shot.  They two things have nothing to do with each other. 

So, not long after that, I decided to walk outside around a city for a while on the coldest day of the year with a lingering doubt about the state of my health.  This was not smart, I know...but if you saw the picture of the milkshake I was supposed to get, you wouldn't have any further questions.  My cold got worse and left the remainder of my weekend a coughing sneezing couch-denting mess. 

That takes us to today, the first day in a few that I've felt like a human being again, and I'm right back to work, hammering away.  It's the type of sacrifice I'm willing to make for your edutainment.  You're welcome. 

Some Rules Won't Allow This, Actually

It’s Password Day!  My email password is no longer pygmyh!pp0 


That’s a darn shame.  Pygmy Hippos are amazing!


I couldn’t agree more.  If you’re not familiar, I would encourage all of you to do an image search for pygmy hippos and see just how adorable they are.  You know…as hippos go. 

After that, I would encourage you all to Watch This Video to learn all about why regular hippos aren’t quite as adorable.  Depending on your humor preferences, that last link may or may not be worth your time, but I definitely felt like I should add it for edutainment purposes. 



So, all of that aside, it’s at this point that we’d like to remind you that neither this, nor any of the email passwords featured in Password Day posts here on the Blag have ever been used as Jeremy’s email password.  You can go ahead and try to use them to hack into Jeremy’s work email account to see just how dull and bland business-related email can truly be.  You’ll fail, and maybe end up on some sort of corporate watch list, but if you’re really that interested, we can’t stop you.

If Only I Were Making This Up

There’s too much planning involved in buying bananas  

Uhm...I usually just see bananas in the grocery store and say, "Hey...I think I'll get some bananas."  It's not all that complicated, really.  

Oh, if only the world were so simple.  

So, it's fairly safe to assume that I like bananas.  Not quite as much as Some Others Do, but I like them.  They are my primary means of breakfast because they're easy, portable, and quick.  Most days, you will find me walking into work carrying my laptop bag, my ID badge, and a banana.  As such, I have to make sure that there is a stable supply of bananas at home from which to choose.  

I tend to go grocery shopping generally once per week, give or take.  At that time, I need to have quite a bit of information.  I need to have a thorough understanding of my current banana inventory level at home, my number of work days in between that day and the next expected trip to the grocery store, any alternate breakfast plans, and if there is a weekend involved.  Weekends are a wildcard.  Sometimes, I will treat myself to a more substantial breakfast like pancakes or eggs, which do not involve a banana.  Other times, I learn how to make Banana Nutella French Toast, which as the name implies, does involve a banana.  If I'm scheduled to play a volleyball tournament, that throws even more chaos into the mix, because that involves an indeterminate number of bananas, depending on the availability of other foods, and whether my team makes the playoffs or not.  

Taking all of this stuff into account, I select the bunch of bananas which meets all of my needs.  Not only in quantity, but in size and preferred level of ripeness, which also takes length of banana ownership into account.  After all, there's no sense buying bananas which will be ripe in 5 days if you're going to eat them in 2.  

So, in order to buy bananas, I have to do all of this planning and calculating, which is way too much work for breakfast.  Incidentally, I need to go to the grocery store tomorrow, because I only have one banana left at home.