False Sense of Security

Getting a Flu shot today, even though it only immunizes against H1N1

Well, as you know, there is no vaccine against Bird Flu.  Never has been.

And unless people wake up, there won't be until it's too late.  

Anyway...it's probably important to mention that I am now vaccinated against the seasonal influenza, which means if I get sick, it's likely your fault.  A little pinch on my arm is a small price to pay for the knowledge that the weaksauce H1N1 won't get me.  

The Cost Of Sanity

The Satellite Radio company should use Election Season as an advertisement

 We'd like to say that it's that time of year again, but since it'll be going on for the next year non-stop, we don't really know what to call it.  It's a little unfortunate.




That's right, everyone...it's election time again!  Sure, we've never really stopped seeing election signs from the last election in November, then the special election in February, the other election in April and whatever the frig else people splatter campaign signs all over the world for.  As much as we all wish they'd stop, everyone knows they won't.  One method they use of destroying our quality of life is the radio commercial.  For about a month and a half before every election, 83% of the commercials you hear on the radio will be negative mud-slinging political advertisements against one candidate, which leave you a little unclear who exactly you're supposed to be voting FOR.

Not long ago, I had a free trial of satellite radio.  It was enjoyable hearing songs that I hadn't heard on the radio in some time (or ever) and being able to do so without hearing commercials.  That said, I decided pretty early on that these positives were not worth the cost of a regular subscription, so as soon as the free trial expired, so would my involvement with satellite radio.  Of course, the satellite radio company disagreed and have proceeded to call me ever other week asking if I want a subscription.  It recently occurred to me (while listening to an interview with some political candidate I won't be voting for) that their best sales pitch would be right around this time of year.  All they have to do is call me and say, "If you pay for satellite radio, you won't have to listen to political commercials anymore," and I'll be reaching for my wallet.

Rhetorical Friday Strikes Back

Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?

 I hate you.

You're choosing to hate the player, and not the game?  

Well, I chose to hate Rhetorical Friday quite some time ago.  You're responsible for this, so therefore, I hate you as well.

I pay your salary.

I love Rhetorical Friday!

That's better.  

Now anyway, the concept of Alphabetical Order has been around for as long as the alphabet, but unlike numbers and counting and that sort of thing, the order of letters in the alphabet seems more than a little arbitrary.  Why did they choose to put Q before S?  S is clearly the more important letter as evidenced by every episode of Wheel of Fortune ever made.  We're taught alphabetical order from a young age, and we never question it.  A comes before B and B comes before C...and that's just how it is.  I don't know how much sense this makes, and I would like the English-speaking world to do a full review of the alphabet so we can make sure we have the most efficient alphabet possible.  Just because we'd have to re-organize the dictionary is no reason to stick with an old, failed system.  

Jeremy's old Statistics professor used to say, "Most parts of the world speak broken English, except the United States.  There, it's been ground into a fine powder."  

Happy Rhetorical Friday, everybody!

Then Launch It Out Of A Cannon

Dunkin Donuts is missing a big opportunity by calling it a “Pumpkin”

Well, just so you know, I checked on Webster this morning, and the official term for a pumpkin is, in fact, "pumpkin."  Also, are you feeling okay?  You actually used the real name of a large, faceless, automatonic corporation.  Usually, you obscure those pretty transparently.

Well, in this case, I thought it was necessary.  Also, I'm not calling them out for being lousy or screwing something up.  They just used the wrong word in an advertisement for something that I may or may not buy.  I'm pretty impartial to pumpkin muffins and pumpkin donuts and pumpkin coffee and whatever else Dunkin' has decided to pumpkinify.  

It's surprisingly difficult to type the word pumpkin that many times in one sentence...in case you were wondering.

We weren't. 

So anyway, since Dunkin Donuts's advertising department has dropped the ball, I've decided to help them out in the form of a quick Blag post explaining how they should have done it in a manner that would have added whimsy.  The official tag line they're using is "Nobody Does Pumpkin Like Dunkin'".  What they should have done is take advantage of the shortened, folksy version of the word "Pumpkin" and made the catch phrase "Nobody Does Punkin' Like Dunkin'".  Of course, then Ashton Kutcher's lawyers would probably have something to say about that, but it makes the commercials sound better.  

You are welcome.

Almost Soothing

It’s just not the same unless my car is yelling at me

 Jeremy is a bad driver.  Do yourself a favor and stay off the sidewalks.

This has nothing to do with my driving abilities, which are perfectly acceptable, by the way.  This has to do with the pretty established notion that I am a creature of habit.  I settle into routines, arrange the bills in my wallet a very specific way, have some mild compulsive tendencies, and expect certain things to happen in a very certain way.  

One of those things is starting my car.  I have a routine.  I settle into the seat, start the car, put the seat belt on, then proceed merrily on my way.  One important part of this is the order of operations...start the car before seat belt.  I don't know why it goes this way, but I don't question it.  It has an unfortunate side effect, though.  Pretty much every car in creation nowadays has an alarm that starts to go off if you start the car without having the seat belt connected.  It's usually a pretty mild beeping that goes on while the car is going through its start-up cycle.  That noise has become so ingrained in my routine that if for some reason, I have my seat belt on before I start the car, I get concerned that there isn't an alarm going off.  The car's not supposed to not make a beeping sound at this stage of the game.

Nerdiest Post in a While

Star Trek united the world in pronunciation of the word “Data”

Ah, that nutty Star Trek.  Is there anything it can't do?

I'm sure there is, but we haven't found it yet.  

A while ago, before Star Trek: The Next Generation was on TV, there were two very distinct pronunciations of the word "Data."  There were those in the DAH-ta camp (with the AH as in "HAT", and those who went with DAY-ta.  Well, Star Trek changed all of that.  Brent Spiner portrayed the character of the lovable scamp of an android hoping to be a real boy named "Data."  

Well, the whole ToMAYto ToMAHto debate with Data was put to bed early on in the series in a whimsical exchange with Dr. Pulaski, as shown at the 20-second mark of THIS VIDEO.  

Whether you like Stat Trek or not, you have to admit that you really haven't heard anyone pronounce the word "DAH-ta" since. 

Blistery Memories

I haven't had a case of "Nintendo Thumb" this bad since before I actually owned a Nintendo

Today's post is to inform all of you loyal readers that Jeremy will be taking the rest of the week off for medical leave.  The soreness on his left thumb is too much to bear, and he is not able to press the space bar anymore.  The doctors have prescribed bed rest for 4 days.

Okay, well...part of that is true.  Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out Of The Office for the rest of the week, but for entirely different reasons.  I'll actually be spending the rest of the week in an off-site training course, and I won't have access to my instant messenger, so there's really no sense in making new messages to use as a Status.  Which is a shame, because I had a really good one for tomorrow...I'll give you a hint:  It had something to do with Fire.

Anyway, to truly appreciate today's Sametime Status, the concept of "Nintendo Thumb" must be understood.  When playing an old-school Nintendo (Os the subsequent Playstation or X-Box), the left thumb manipulates a control pad or joystick.  While this can be done with a very light and simple motion, most video games are more engaging, and thus the pressure applied can become, albeit unknowingly, pretty substantial.  Extended periods of time applying this force can cause quite a bit of soreness in the left thumb, possibly even blisters, until the hand becomes accustomed to this type of action.  This soreness is known as "Nintendo Thumb."

It must also be understood that I never had a Nintendo when I was growing up.  I'm not sure how much this bothers me.  You have to factor in the fact that Nintendos were the only socially acceptable video game to have.  There's also the fact that I am made of suck at Nintendo-based video games.  It doesn't matter which ones...from Mario to Duck Hunt, Tetris to Contra...

Pause inserted here on account of you're all thinking "Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start"

I am terrible at all of them.  Now, give me a rousing game of "NHL Hitz" on my X-Box, and I'll beat the computer by 30 goals while ringing up 20 minutes in penalties and checking the goalie through the glass at least once.  (Yes, it's possible...and even legal in certain instances)  But that's beside the point.  The point is that because my thumb never got accustomed to Nintendo games, whenever I play my X-Box, I get Nintendo Thumb.  This is especially ironic considering I actually own a Nintendo now...a Wii, which does not have the Thumb affliction.  

So why were you playing video games so much that you caused this?

I was doing drywall work, which everyone knows is an iterative process.  You splatter on some joint compound, and play video games while you wait for it to dry.  Then you sand, apply more compound, and play video games while you wait for it to dry.  It's really pretty tedious, and damaging to your left thumb.  Anyway...see you all next week!