Guidelines For Harmonious Living #9: Pants first, then newspaper
People still read newspapers?
It happens on occasion. People actually get their daily information from somewhere other than the Internets. Also on occasion, people will decide that the best place to read their newspaper in the gym locker room. Why this is, I have absolutely no idea...it goes against various social conventions, but whatever.
You come in, you shower, you get dressed, you leave. That's about it.
Exactly...but this one guy decides to sit there reading his paper. I'm not going to judge.
But you'll write a Blag entry condemning him?
I will write a Blag entry condemning his decision to sit there reading his newspaper before he put any pants on. Seriously, guy? You have better things to do right here. Put the pants on, then break out the newspaper.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Yet, they still use it...
Sorry, "Point Of Sale" Cash Register people, but the acronym "POS" was already taken
"POS" is not an acronym. It's an initialization.
While that's very true, it's a little cumbersome trying to explain what an initialization is an how it's different from an acronym within a one-line Sametime Status. So, in order to simplify everything, I just went with acronym. It gets the point across.
The point being?
That I'm amused whenever I see "Point Of Sale" machines (which are apparently different from an old-fashioned cash register), I'm amused because they're often referred to as "POS". Some of you may be familiar with "POS" being used as shorthand for "Piece Of Something".
"Something"?
It's a family Blag.
Fair enough.
So, to the people making Point Of Sale machines, you really should get to work on changing the name of your system. It'll really make your lives easier if your sales pitch doesn't refer to your product as a "POS". Just trying to help.
"POS" is not an acronym. It's an initialization.
While that's very true, it's a little cumbersome trying to explain what an initialization is an how it's different from an acronym within a one-line Sametime Status. So, in order to simplify everything, I just went with acronym. It gets the point across.
The point being?
That I'm amused whenever I see "Point Of Sale" machines (which are apparently different from an old-fashioned cash register), I'm amused because they're often referred to as "POS". Some of you may be familiar with "POS" being used as shorthand for "Piece Of Something".
"Something"?
It's a family Blag.
Fair enough.
So, to the people making Point Of Sale machines, you really should get to work on changing the name of your system. It'll really make your lives easier if your sales pitch doesn't refer to your product as a "POS". Just trying to help.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Don't Rant and Drive
Note to those writing those flashing road signs: Be sure to use grammar careful
You sound like Yoda.
It's strange how in some situations, poor grammar is easier to overlook than others. Such as saying "Use grammar careful." It sounds like crap.
It's okay. People reading this Blag are used to crap.
However, when a flashing road sign near the PA border tells passing motorists to "Drive Careful" it doesn't sound quite as bad. I'm not sure why...it's just as wrong.
You sound like Yoda.
It's strange how in some situations, poor grammar is easier to overlook than others. Such as saying "Use grammar careful." It sounds like crap.
It's okay. People reading this Blag are used to crap.
However, when a flashing road sign near the PA border tells passing motorists to "Drive Careful" it doesn't sound quite as bad. I'm not sure why...it's just as wrong.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Always a catch
Well, the good news is, I've located Murray...
You mean Murray, the Demonic Talking Skull from the Monkey Island Video Games?
No...actually, I'm referring to my Volleyball Mascot, to whom you were Introduced Last Week. After nearly a couple days with no sign of him, I started receiving ransom demands by way of Murray's new Facebook page. Most of the demands were pretty horrifying.
They made you watch a Nicolas Cage movie.
We don't talk about that.
Anyway, I've since managed to ascertain the identities of Murray's kidnappers, and his current location. That's the good news.
The bad news being?
Well, Murray was last seen in Oregon. It still remains to be seen how he's going to get back to the east coast.
I'm actually not making that up.
Well, you have a couple days to figure that out...because...
Jeremy Is In The Office will be out of the office the rest of this week. We'll return on monday, September 13th...okay, seriously? Monday the 13th? Maybe we should take an extra day off...there's no way that's going to be good. Anyway...monday, September 13th with a brand new week chock-full of Sametimey goodness.
You mean Murray, the Demonic Talking Skull from the Monkey Island Video Games?
No...actually, I'm referring to my Volleyball Mascot, to whom you were Introduced Last Week. After nearly a couple days with no sign of him, I started receiving ransom demands by way of Murray's new Facebook page. Most of the demands were pretty horrifying.
They made you watch a Nicolas Cage movie.
We don't talk about that.
Anyway, I've since managed to ascertain the identities of Murray's kidnappers, and his current location. That's the good news.
The bad news being?
Well, Murray was last seen in Oregon. It still remains to be seen how he's going to get back to the east coast.
I'm actually not making that up.
Well, you have a couple days to figure that out...because...
Jeremy Is In The Office will be out of the office the rest of this week. We'll return on monday, September 13th...okay, seriously? Monday the 13th? Maybe we should take an extra day off...there's no way that's going to be good. Anyway...monday, September 13th with a brand new week chock-full of Sametimey goodness.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Stupid Password Day
It’s Password Day! My email password is no longer un1cornz
As is always the case with "Password Day" Sametime Statuses, we feel compelled to inform you that neither this nor any of the other passwords written on the Blag here have ever been used as Jeremy's actual email password. This of course does not make it any less fun to make fun of him for even saying he's using a password like "un1cornz"...so have at it!
It's somewhat unfortunate that Password Day was today. I had a full week of quality Sametime Statuses lined up for you, and had to shift everything by a day to accommodate this silly little tradition.
You say that almost as if you're going to be working more than 2 days this week.
I simply said that I had the week all lined up. I said nothing about how many days that week would contain. So you'll just have to wait until monday to find out tomorrow's Sametime Status. Today's, you'll be able to read tomorrow.
I'm confused.
My work here is done!
As is always the case with "Password Day" Sametime Statuses, we feel compelled to inform you that neither this nor any of the other passwords written on the Blag here have ever been used as Jeremy's actual email password. This of course does not make it any less fun to make fun of him for even saying he's using a password like "un1cornz"...so have at it!
It's somewhat unfortunate that Password Day was today. I had a full week of quality Sametime Statuses lined up for you, and had to shift everything by a day to accommodate this silly little tradition.
You say that almost as if you're going to be working more than 2 days this week.
I simply said that I had the week all lined up. I said nothing about how many days that week would contain. So you'll just have to wait until monday to find out tomorrow's Sametime Status. Today's, you'll be able to read tomorrow.
I'm confused.
My work here is done!
Friday, September 3, 2010
It's kinda mean
I really wish that commercial would stop yelling at me for something I’m not doing.
Well then you should just not do that thing that you're not doing.
So there's this commercial that comes on the radio as I'm driving to work. It rhetorically asks if I'm texting while I'm driving, in an accusatory fashion. "You're not texting while driving, ARE YOU?!?" In reality, I'm not texting while I'm driving. I don't text that much period, let alone while driving. Regardless of what some road workers' union thinks of me, I'm just driving along minding my own business. Why they have to be so mean to me I just don't understand. It makes me sad.
Well then you should just not do that thing that you're not doing.
So there's this commercial that comes on the radio as I'm driving to work. It rhetorically asks if I'm texting while I'm driving, in an accusatory fashion. "You're not texting while driving, ARE YOU?!?" In reality, I'm not texting while I'm driving. I don't text that much period, let alone while driving. Regardless of what some road workers' union thinks of me, I'm just driving along minding my own business. Why they have to be so mean to me I just don't understand. It makes me sad.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I Have The Documentation To Prove It
I was customer #57 at the burger place!
Seems like you had about a 1/100 change of that happening.
Well, yes...but I've been to that particular burger place (For purely hypothetical Blag purposes, let's call it "Between 4 and 6 Gentlemen's Hamburgers and French Fries") fewer than 100 times, so it was a noteworthy achievement.
Noteworthy?
Well, 57 is my lucky number, in addition to being my jersey number at Volleyball.
Then why do you always use 83 when making up statistics?
Some things, noone can answer.
Seems like you had about a 1/100 change of that happening.
Well, yes...but I've been to that particular burger place (For purely hypothetical Blag purposes, let's call it "Between 4 and 6 Gentlemen's Hamburgers and French Fries") fewer than 100 times, so it was a noteworthy achievement.
Noteworthy?
Well, 57 is my lucky number, in addition to being my jersey number at Volleyball.
Then why do you always use 83 when making up statistics?
Some things, noone can answer.
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