Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Anyone But Michael Bay Directs...



My Next Great Screenplay Idea: When Toasters Attack!  


Make sure you release it around Halloween.  It would be the most chilling, frightening film of the year.  


Exactly!  Toaster attacks are horribly scary things.  You all remember the Famed Toaster of Hades, right?  While it's entirely true that I have moved on to a different building, leaving the original Toaster in my deep, dark past, I still have regular dealings with one of his many minions.  That's right...I have not given up on toast, and my new building's cafeteria contains a rather similar chain-driven high volume toaster which is assuredly lying in wait for its next victim.    

That said, there's really no reason I couldn't make a film all about Toaster attacks, simply using the knowledge and experience I already have from the original Toaster.  From charred breakfasts to flying balls of muffin flame, I have borne witness to numerous Toaster attacks over the years.  Enough to make a decent screenplay, at least.  

 So with a never-ending litany of horrifying reboots, sequels, and remakes dotting the Hollywood landscape these days, I find it remarkably difficult to believe that there isn't a thirst for actually original material in film.  I can't think of any recent films in the Toaster-based Horror genre, so it seems like the time is right.  

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