Hashtag Shut Up

No, I will not follow crackers on Twitter

I bet if you were a pirate's parrot, you would. 

If I were a pirate's parrot, the word "tweet" would probably mean something altogether different in the first place.  But that's beside the point. 

So, maybe you noticed, but not long ago, there was a big football game on TV.  I went to a party to watch said game, and there was a wonderfully lucrative prop bet that I barely lost.  (No $9 for me)  The bet was to guess the number of commercials during the first half of the game that would contain a Twitter hashtag.  Technically, I was the closest guess, but more technically, it was clearly specified that we were using Price Is Right rules, and I was over by one, so I lost.  Many of the hashtags were pretty dumb, and were not for the types of products or businesses I would actually talk about on Twitter.  

Incidentally, Jeremy's Twitter account is the aptly named @JeremyIsAGenius.  It's about 80% the same crap you get here, and 20% Jeremy playing Hashtag Wars to try to get Comedy Central's attention. 

So, for these businesses to create their own hashtags in order to trick people into talking about them and giving them free advertising is a little nonsensical, but it's the way social media works nowadays.  We'll just say that's how it is and leave it there.  

This doesn't mean that I want to follow your stupid Twitter account about crackers.  

Not long ago, I opened a box of crackers.  It said very plainly on the box, "Follow Us On Twitter!"  Why would I do this?  There is nothing interesting a box of crackers could possibly have to say that would be relevant to me.  I already bought your crackers because they're tasty and I like crackers (and because I like to put cheese on them, and they make great Little Edible Plates).  That really is the extent of our interaction.  You make good crackers, I'll buy them and eat them.  I have it on pretty good authority that the crackers can't type anyway.