Curse You, Pennybags!

I have no earthly clue why I downloaded the Monopoly app

Well, the actual explanation is that it was free that day.  As an app, it doesn't suck, so it's got that going for it.  

Yes, but that's entirely beside the point.  The point is, Monopoly sucks.  

Monopoly, as you know, is a rage-inducing board game published by Parker Brothers in 1935, and based on a game invented by Elizabeth Magie...who was a jerk.  The point of the game is simple, be the person who causes somebody else to throw the board into the air.

Every game of Monopoly basically goes the same way.  

One player (your opponent) goes around the board all willy-nilly collecting random crappy properties while you build your empire of railroads and utilities and light blue properties.  By sheer dumb luck, your opponent becomes the only person the entire game to land on Vetnor avenue, and has a monopoly on the Yellow properties, and basically nothing else.  He then proceeds to hop around the board, landing on Chance spaces, Free Parking, and the three other properties he owns, avoiding your hotels in the "house of horrors" corner of St. Charles Place while you land on Marvin Gardens every friggin time around the board.  If, by some miracle, you do miss the Yellows, you pass Go on your way to the Income Tax square, so you still have no money.  

You land one final time on Marvin Gardens, which now has three houses, costing you $850.  Your opponent insists that if you sell every house you bought and mortgage every property you own, you'll still have 3 dollars left, and therefore, you should continue playing the game because of that one time he got the "Take A Ride On Reading" card, so you still have a chance.  All you want is to punch your opponent in the face, throw the board, and flush the dice so you never have to see them again. 

Why anybody considers this a "family game" is beyond me.  

So not long ago, the official "Monopoly" app was on sale for zero dollars at an online retailer which for strictly blag purposes, we'll call "Nile.com".  I downloaded the thing and have lost all but one game I've ever played while expanding my knowledge of cursing at electronic devices.  Why did I do this to myself?