Fortunately, It's Trash Pickup Day!

R.I.P. Jeremy’s Pants.  Funny story, actually…

Well, not funny "Ha Ha" really...more like "Jeremy's an idiot" funny.

It's important for the sake of this story that you understand the fact that I wear pants.  

Some people work from home or are just creepy and spend their lives not wearing pants, and that's just not me.  I have to go into the office and be seen by people, and the general expectation from some of them, at an absolute minimum, is that I be wearing pants.  I don't disappoint them.  

Because of my years of experience wearing pants, you would think that I would be proficient at putting them on.  This would be a valid assumption most of the time.  I even have several different techniques that I use including putting them on using both legs at the same time, destroying any sort of credence there is to the phrase "I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you."  I'm pretty sure I learned that method solely to prove that phrase wrong, but that's beside the point entirely.   

It's also important to this story that you know a few other random little facts about me.  I don't work in the morning.  And by that, I don't mean I don't go to the office and get my job done before noon...I mean that when I first wake up, my bodily control is amiss.  I'm known to stumble on things, walk sideways into doorframes, ram my face into the side of a door by stopping it with my foot before it has a chance to open (done this one twice), and even close my own head in the car door.  It's pretty rough business being me first thing in the morning.  Another thing to know is that I play volleyball.  And the morning after spending 2 full days playing a doubles volleyball tournament hurts.  Everything I own is sore, and certain muscles don't have quite the response they would on other mornings.  

So, combining all of these wonderful traits about myself, we come to my dresser.  Clothes laid out for the day, Boston is playing on the radio (Incidentally, remarkably rare feat in which two consecutive exceptions to Jeremy's Big Rule #1 came on back to back happened this morning!  "Bad Company" by Bad Company, followed by "Rock and Roll Band" by Boston.), and I'm having a little trouble getting the day rolling.  I step one foot into my pants and proceed to prepare the second foot, when I start to tip over for the usual reasons.  To regain my balance, I force my second foot down, accidentally stuffing it into the first leg of the pants, generating too much force for the seam to hold.  

Thus endeth the pants.  

While those were my most utilized pants, they were getting on in age and one of the belt loops had already started to fray.  One of the back buttons had broken long ago and I often entertained the thought of sewing the spare back on, but never actually did that.  I believe I actually own a needle and thread, so I totally could have done it.  But all of this is rendered moot by their premature destruction.  So, soon, it's off to the store to buy some new pants.  I'll put them on two legs at a time just to show everyone up.