Very ironically, I forgot what I dreamt about last night
Maybe it had something to do with why the Blag's host software doesn't have the word "dreamt" in it's spellchecker.
That could be...those little red squiggles are getting to be distracting, but this is another one of my Mitch Hedberg moments.
You got an ant farm?
Mitch did a bit one time about how as a comedian, he writes jokes for a living, so every time he thinks of something funny, he writes it down. Of course, if the pen is too far away, he has to convince himself that whatever he thought of wasn't funny. I do this fairly often, but not always with jokes. I've had songs, jokes, screenplays, sitcom episodes and whatnot go through my head at various intervals, most of which happen when I'm nowhere near a computer, pen, piano, or consciousness. In this particular case, it was when I was asleep...I dreamt about something pretty entertaining, and I'm reasonably certain it was a sitcom episode. Either way, by the time I woke up, it was gone, so I've once again only managed to entertain myself.
Sorta like what you're doing right now.
I just find it amusing that this happened again on Martin Luther King day. King, of course, being the deliverer of the famous "I Have A Dream" speech. So while most of you probably have the day off, I'll be at work lamenting the forgetting of my dream. Oh well. His was better.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
People are actually concerned about this
My sign changed from "Aries" to "No Parking"
The Red Zone is for loading and unloading passengers only. There is no parking in the Red Zone.
So if you haven't noticed, there's been a news report going around that the astrological signs are off by a month or so, plus whoever "they" are have added a 13th sign, "Ophiuchus." This has actually caused widespread panic among people who believe in this sort of nonsense, particularly those who...and I wish I was making this up...have tattooed their astrological sign on their body.
Those of you who believe that the sun's position, relative to ancient arbitrarily defined constellations, has an effect on your life should refer to This News Article for an update on what your new sign is and how to adjust your personality accordingly.
The rest of you who don't give a rat's posterior about this crap can take a little solace in the fact that scientists have created a Genetically Modified Chicken that Will Not Spread Bird Flu. Of course, the down side of this right now is that the chicken is no longer fit to eat, so the entire point of having it is somewhat lost. However, it is a glimmer of hope in the perpetually dark world of the War on Bird Flu.
The Red Zone is for loading and unloading passengers only. There is no parking in the Red Zone.
So if you haven't noticed, there's been a news report going around that the astrological signs are off by a month or so, plus whoever "they" are have added a 13th sign, "Ophiuchus." This has actually caused widespread panic among people who believe in this sort of nonsense, particularly those who...and I wish I was making this up...have tattooed their astrological sign on their body.
Those of you who believe that the sun's position, relative to ancient arbitrarily defined constellations, has an effect on your life should refer to This News Article for an update on what your new sign is and how to adjust your personality accordingly.
The rest of you who don't give a rat's posterior about this crap can take a little solace in the fact that scientists have created a Genetically Modified Chicken that Will Not Spread Bird Flu. Of course, the down side of this right now is that the chicken is no longer fit to eat, so the entire point of having it is somewhat lost. However, it is a glimmer of hope in the perpetually dark world of the War on Bird Flu.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Honest....no idea
For some strange reason, I have the theme song to The Smurfs stuck in my head today
"Some strange reason"?
Yep...no idea what that's all about.
I call Bunk.
Strangely enough, that's the name of my new game show. I think it's a brilliant idea!
Either way, we're just not going to get a straight answer out of you today, are we?
I thought you just did...
"Some strange reason"?
Yep...no idea what that's all about.
I call Bunk.
Strangely enough, that's the name of my new game show. I think it's a brilliant idea!
Either way, we're just not going to get a straight answer out of you today, are we?
I thought you just did...
Monday, January 10, 2011
When will people learn?
Nicolas Cage does it again!
Jeremy's favourite hack splatters himself all over the silver screen again, this time in the sci-fi action mystery sort of picture, "Season Of The Witch." Jeremy will be pleased to know that it's slagging along well into the single-digit territory on Rotten Tomatoes, up from a startling 1% on Saturday.
I think Rotten Tomatoes is padding the stats a little bit. When a reviewer (Mike Ward of Richmond.com) includes the line, "It will probably be the worst reviewed movie of the year," and this is considered by Rotten Tomatoes to be a favorable review, you know you're in for it. Those of us who have borne witness to (read: Wasted your life on) more than one Nicolas Cage move over the years shouldn't be surprised by this latest travesty of cinema brought to you by the name synonymous with "hack."
You're reviewing a movie you haven't even seen.
Is that important?
Most people would think so.
Oh well. I'm not wasting $10 on this schlock. This has been another edition of Jeremy Is In The Theatre.
Or out of the Theatre, as the case may be...
Jeremy's favourite hack splatters himself all over the silver screen again, this time in the sci-fi action mystery sort of picture, "Season Of The Witch." Jeremy will be pleased to know that it's slagging along well into the single-digit territory on Rotten Tomatoes, up from a startling 1% on Saturday.
I think Rotten Tomatoes is padding the stats a little bit. When a reviewer (Mike Ward of Richmond.com) includes the line, "It will probably be the worst reviewed movie of the year," and this is considered by Rotten Tomatoes to be a favorable review, you know you're in for it. Those of us who have borne witness to (read: Wasted your life on) more than one Nicolas Cage move over the years shouldn't be surprised by this latest travesty of cinema brought to you by the name synonymous with "hack."
You're reviewing a movie you haven't even seen.
Is that important?
Most people would think so.
Oh well. I'm not wasting $10 on this schlock. This has been another edition of Jeremy Is In The Theatre.
Or out of the Theatre, as the case may be...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Blagging for Better Living
Cast iron skillets don’t have the type of handle that stays cool on the stove
What was your first clue?
The fact that it's made of the exact same piece of material which has a pretty high level of heat conductance.
Nerd.
So not long ago, I decided to try my hand at pan-seared steak...
More like FRY your hand at pan-seared steak! I'm here all week, tip your waitress!
...and while it wasn't a culinary disaster, I still have some learning to do before I can do it properly and enjoy a perfectly cooked steak year-round.
I researched some recipes on the Internetz, and found the proper procedure, which involved pre-heating the skillet in the over at around 450deg F. This makes the entire pan hot. Not just the part on the bottom where the steak goes...the whole frickin' thing. Once the pan is hot, you remove it from the oven (using an oven glove) and set it on the stove's burner at medium-high heat. At this point, you add some olive oil and your steak, and listen to the delicious sizzle. After a minute or so, you flip the steak to sear the other side. It is during this time that one must be careful to not touch the handle of the pan in order to stabilize it while you flip steak. It causes burns on your fingers, which can be pretty annoying. After both sides are seared, finish the steak in the oven at 450 for about 3-5 minutes, depending on taste. Season with cracked pepper and serve.
This helpful cooking tip brought to you by Jeremy Is In The Kitchen
What was your first clue?
The fact that it's made of the exact same piece of material which has a pretty high level of heat conductance.
Nerd.
So not long ago, I decided to try my hand at pan-seared steak...
More like FRY your hand at pan-seared steak! I'm here all week, tip your waitress!
...and while it wasn't a culinary disaster, I still have some learning to do before I can do it properly and enjoy a perfectly cooked steak year-round.
I researched some recipes on the Internetz, and found the proper procedure, which involved pre-heating the skillet in the over at around 450deg F. This makes the entire pan hot. Not just the part on the bottom where the steak goes...the whole frickin' thing. Once the pan is hot, you remove it from the oven (using an oven glove) and set it on the stove's burner at medium-high heat. At this point, you add some olive oil and your steak, and listen to the delicious sizzle. After a minute or so, you flip the steak to sear the other side. It is during this time that one must be careful to not touch the handle of the pan in order to stabilize it while you flip steak. It causes burns on your fingers, which can be pretty annoying. After both sides are seared, finish the steak in the oven at 450 for about 3-5 minutes, depending on taste. Season with cracked pepper and serve.
This helpful cooking tip brought to you by Jeremy Is In The Kitchen
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Seriously...nobody
Nobody believes that the deaths of entire flocks of birds were caused by "trauma"
Many of you are probably aware of the mass bird deaths that have occurred this week in Arkansas and Louisiana. If not, feel free to check out the Mass Media Report of the events. But, be prepared to draw your own conclusions.
Early reports are coming up with some pretty half-baked theories about how thousands of birds died spontaneously and all within a small time and location. One of my favorites claims that New Year's fireworks exploding nearby disoriented the birds, causing them all to panic and fly into each other en masse. A laughable claim for those of us who know better.
Clearly, there can only be two possible explanations for this phenomenon. The first, of course, is aliens. A large alien spacecraft came to earth in these locations, knocking birds out of the way, since it moved more quickly than they could anticipate.
The second, and more likely conclusion that most of you have already come to, is Bird Flu. This pandemic outbreak could easily cause the deaths of thousands of birds in a remarkably short amount of time.
The only question that remains is, with only two logical explanations, why is the truth being covered up, and who stands to gain from the public not being made aware of the actual events. I wish I had answers for you, my friends...but all I can do today is wait with you until the truth is revealed.
Many of you are probably aware of the mass bird deaths that have occurred this week in Arkansas and Louisiana. If not, feel free to check out the Mass Media Report of the events. But, be prepared to draw your own conclusions.
Early reports are coming up with some pretty half-baked theories about how thousands of birds died spontaneously and all within a small time and location. One of my favorites claims that New Year's fireworks exploding nearby disoriented the birds, causing them all to panic and fly into each other en masse. A laughable claim for those of us who know better.
Clearly, there can only be two possible explanations for this phenomenon. The first, of course, is aliens. A large alien spacecraft came to earth in these locations, knocking birds out of the way, since it moved more quickly than they could anticipate.
The second, and more likely conclusion that most of you have already come to, is Bird Flu. This pandemic outbreak could easily cause the deaths of thousands of birds in a remarkably short amount of time.
The only question that remains is, with only two logical explanations, why is the truth being covered up, and who stands to gain from the public not being made aware of the actual events. I wish I had answers for you, my friends...but all I can do today is wait with you until the truth is revealed.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
We're Back!
Happy New Year, from Jeremy's Sametime Status!
Strangely reminiscent of the Sametime Status you had right before you left for vacation.
Well, yes...but it seemed appropriate to greet the readers with a Happy New Year now that the new year has actually started. Now only 5 or 6 months before we get used to writing 2011 in our checkbooks.
People still write checks?
The fine folks who pick up my garbage still haven't embraced the 21st century, so yeah...I still write checks. They're about the only ones, too.
And the person in front of you at the grocery store.
Actually, the person in front of me at the grocery store sat there for a full five minutes arguing that the package of gift bows she bought were on sale for 39 cents, and they rang up, in error, for 59 cents. This after she left the line to run back to the produce section for a bag of potatoes. I really wish I was making any of this up. I actually felt bad for her husband who had to stand there at the end of the register looking back at the glares of the other patrons (I wasn't the only one in line behind this) while his wife walked back through the line to find the sign that showed the price of the bows. The steak I was trying to buy was totally not worth it...but more on that later...
Strangely reminiscent of the Sametime Status you had right before you left for vacation.
Well, yes...but it seemed appropriate to greet the readers with a Happy New Year now that the new year has actually started. Now only 5 or 6 months before we get used to writing 2011 in our checkbooks.
People still write checks?
The fine folks who pick up my garbage still haven't embraced the 21st century, so yeah...I still write checks. They're about the only ones, too.
And the person in front of you at the grocery store.
Actually, the person in front of me at the grocery store sat there for a full five minutes arguing that the package of gift bows she bought were on sale for 39 cents, and they rang up, in error, for 59 cents. This after she left the line to run back to the produce section for a bag of potatoes. I really wish I was making any of this up. I actually felt bad for her husband who had to stand there at the end of the register looking back at the glares of the other patrons (I wasn't the only one in line behind this) while his wife walked back through the line to find the sign that showed the price of the bows. The steak I was trying to buy was totally not worth it...but more on that later...
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