Please Recycle

Attention Phone Company: Nobody uses phone books anymore.


But what if you have to find a business's number?


Well, that's what the internet is for. Every reputable business has a website these days, and they all put their contact info on it. The primary reason being that they actually want you to be able to find them to give them money.


What about finding people?


Just about everybody you'd need to call has already given you their phone number, email address, or friended you on Facebook, so there aren't many excuses for not having that info. Also, people don't "call" anymore. Phones are more for texting and forwarding those funny animated pictures now than they are for "calls." Calling is so 20th century.

Anyway...my point is that the multiple phone companies don't really need to send me 5 phone books every year, when last year's are still sitting around in the plastic bags they came in, having never been looked at. It's pretty much a waste of the money I'm paying you to provide my texting service. Thank you.

It's one of those days, I guess.

Even today's holidays are lame. Happy Friday, everybody!


It's a slow day in the world, apparently. Thankfully, it's Friday, so it's almost weekend.


Indeed. My usual source for lame holiday Sametime Statuses says that today is either "Gorgeous Grandma Day," or "Hot Enough For Ya Day," which are both moronic, so I really have nothing for you today.


So instead, you get to watch a video (Probably best watched on "Mute" due to crappy music) of baby moose playing in a lawn sprinkler:

It's really annoying for you to be deploying

Four rhymes in one commercial is either too many or too few.


So how many is correct? The loyal readers need to reflect.


Well, the answer depends. There is nothing wrong with making your entire commercial rhyme, or even be its own catchy jingle. Many have done that in the past, and the world as a whole is none the worse for it.

A problem arises, however, when you only have a handful of little catch phrases that you scatter around your commercial. Nobody listening is entirely sure if you want to be catchy or serious.


Is this a real commercial you're talking about? You may want to explain, or else you'll sound like a lout.


There is one commercial that's on the radio around here that does this. It's for a junkyard, so the need to be cute and jingly is pretty minimal. At the same time, the need for a memorable catch phrase is equally apparent. It's not very often that the general scrap-part-buying public is looking for a quality junkyard. However, the commercial writer wrote a script where there are exactly 4 rhyming catch phrases in a 30-second spot. Every 3rd line, roughly...it's a little weird.


Definitely sounds like a red flag. Now go off and read somebody else's Blag.

I just can't describe it

The difference between "Knight and Day" and a good movie is like...a lot.


I can't come up with the words, either.


One of the things worth doing when the weather is nice is to go to Drive-In movies. It's fun to share a picnic with your friends, sit outside and watch a movie under the stars with some snacks and beverages, plus it's significantly cheaper than seeing the movies in one of the standard roof-having theaters...and you get two movies for that lower price. Everybody wins.

Except in recent times, the people who bring us the Drive-In movies have tended towards having really really crappy movies as the second half of the double-feature. The track record lately has been rather dubious...with such stinkers as "Don't Mess With The Zohan", "Shutter Island", and "Splice" as the back of the twin bill. This is lousy.

Not long ago, the second feature was the whimsical action-comedy-spy-drama "Knight And Day" starring a Post-Oprah's-Couch Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. That's all you need to know about the film. The plot was moronic. The action sequences were cartoony and implausible, but the rest of the film didn't match the cartooniness, so you never really bought into it. It shifts gears between action romp, rom-com, comedy, drama, and zaniness so quickly and discontinuitously (If that's not a word, it is now. Tell your friends.), you wonder if you fell asleep for a couple minutes and missed a change-over or something. At the end, they completely recycle no fewer than 4 comedy bits from earlier in the movie, with the exact same script. That's not "coming full-circle"...that's laziness.

So to "Knight And Day", Rottentomatoes may have you at a generous 54%, but from me, you get a big, hearty "No, Thanks!"

This has been another edition of "Jeremy Is In The Theatre."

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

One more day until the 21st Century!


Ooo, that's very exciting. I can't wait until...wait. The 21st century started like 8 1/2 years ago. 9 1/2 if you don't believe in math.


Well, yes...but the 21st century is said to be the Information Age, and today is the day that I get to stop being the roadkill on the Information Superhighway.


Good...because nobody uses the expression "Information Superhighway" anymore. If you were more up on the Tubez, you would know that.


Today, my friends...I join the ranks of those who have a Smartphone!


Wow. So you're finally getting that Droid You Asked For At Christmas?


Yes, and no. I'm getting a Droid X. It's newer, better, faster, and smarter than those silly old-fashioned Droids.


So that wasn't the Droid you were looking for. You moved along.


Thank you for that.


Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.


I got it because it's been time to upgrade my phone for a while, the Bluetooth never worked on the old one, and I Recently Saved Some Money On My Cable Bill.

I also chose the Droid X because it doesn't come with a personal lecture from Steve Jobs on how to properly hold the phone so that I can actually get a signal. I find this to be a pretty big selling point.

Haven't Had One In A While

What if the Postman is your Opportunity?


Oh no...not again.


Yep! It's Rhetorical Friday! WOOHOO!


Awe crap...


So today's Sametime Status examines the paradoxical relationship between the Postman (Not the Kevin Costner version), and Opportunity.

We all know that 'Opportunity knocks but once' but canonically, the Postman always rings twice. Incidentally, the FedEx guy rings twice as well, in case you were wondering.

In the instance that the Postman is your opportunity, it presents an unanswerable conundrum. Maybe the Postman is delivering your winning lottery numbers, or a college acceptance, or perhaps it's an attractive Postwoman who is destined to be the love of your life....who knows? If they don't realize they're your opportunity, they have no choice but to ring twice. But if they did know that your opportunity was right there, they would be obligated to knock only once or else shear the very fabric of space, time, and chance. It really does boggle the mind.


What boggles my mind is your need to have Rhetorical Friday.


Because it's fun!

The Roof is Hopefully Not on Fire

Jeremy’s Sametime Status is a proud supporter of Rooftime! July 17-18 at the Oakwood Friends School in Poughkeepsie!


Today marks the annual plug for the Rooftime charity volleyball tournament held in Poughkeepsie NY every year. Come join us (Jeremy's going to be playing) and help raise money for the Dutchess County Coalition for the Homeless. It's a family-friendly event (with occasional profanity from players who make mistakes), complete with volleyball matches all weekend, grilled foodstuffs, music, tents, and all the baked goods you care to eat.

For more information, or to register your team, please vist www.Rooftime.net