SCIENCE!

Hard at work developing genetically engineered Crunchberries


This sounds like a fantastic advance for mankind. Thank you for this, Jeremy.


You're very welcome.


What provoked this, anyway?


A Recent Court Case involving the makers of Cap'n Crunch and Crunchberries, of course. The defendants were sued for what amounts to false advertising for using the word "Berries" on the box and having Cap'n Crunch forcefully "thrusting a spoonful of "Crunchberries" at the prospective buyer," when in fact the cereal contains no actual fruit, or "berries."

That's right...some moron actually thought Crunchberries were real fruit and found a lawyer to actually take the case to court. Mercifully for all humanity, the case was ultimately thrown out by a judge citing precedent in a similar case against the makers of "Froot Loops" cereal. I'm actually not making that up.

Neither the Smurfs nor Frankenberry could be reached for comment.

It’s June 3rd! Happy Chimborazo Day, everybody!


Yep...that's what today is. Any idea what it's all about?


None whatsoever. Determining the proper way to celebrate this important holiday is left as an exercise to the reader.


Well then, you kinda need something else going on here to make for an interesting Blag today. I also use the term "Interesting" loosely.


In that case, let's watch cartoons! Here's Tom and Jerry and a classical piano piece by Franz Liszt entitled, "Hungarian Rhapsody Number 2":

Bienvenue!

I'm back, baby!


So, I've returned from France to much fanfare and a ridiculously massive shambles at work, so today's Blag will have to be cut a little on the short side.


It is definitely nice to be back from vacation. I spent the last 2 weeks over at Evil Jeremy's Blog, and I have to admit, it's a little weird over there.


How so?


Well, it's all dark and spooky. Also, he's got this bizarre obsession with Legos and I don't believe he even owns a toaster.


Sorry you had to deal with that. It's good to have you back.

Evil Rhetorical Friday

It's the return of the new and improved and I'm smooth, ain't nobody does it better, here's the proof


Wait...this sounds familiar.


Well, it should! It's the lyrics to "The Best" by 2 Skinnee J's!


It's also the exact same Status Message that Evil Jeremy Ran on Wednesday. What happened to originality?


Well, I spoke (actually...typed, but that's beside the point) with Evil Jeremy about this, and we agreed that I could, and even should, re-run the exact same message today...albeit for very different reasons.

He was pleased that there would be more Sametime Statuses around singing the praises of 2 Skinnee J's, which he does Fairly Often.

From my perspective, he mentioned in his post that the proof described in the remainder of the lyrics not shown in the Status Message was both "elegant and simple." This prompted me to do my own investigation, and I set out to learn the proof for myself. As it turns out, one of the J's announces that he is the best by saying "ain't nobody does it better" and offers the proof in the chorus. The proof is as follows:

• Ain't no body, does it better,
  ain't no body, does it better,
  than J!
  
  Ain't no body, does it better,
  ain't no body, does it better,
  than J!
  

Simple, yes. Elegant, perhaps. More importantly, the proof is a rhetorical fallacy because it is a circular argument. The proof of "Ain't nobody does it better" is "Ain't nobody does it better than J!" The proof is offering no more details than the original statement. I realized this and decided that it would be a perfect Sametime Status for Rhetorical Friday. So enjoy!


Rhetorical Friday actually being interesting and informative. This is actually very exciting. Speaking of exciting, you have some exciting news.


Indeed I do. Starting tonight, I will be out of the country for two weeks touring France and Switzerland, and delivering at least 2 keynote lectures on Bird Flu to the European community. As such, The Blag You Know And Love will be pretty much stationary until June. As much as I'd like to apologize for the inconvenience, I really REALLY need the vacation right now, and I'm sure that The Most Intelligent Readership In The World will be able to make do. I'll see you all when I come back to The States.


Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out of the Office starting tomorrow and will return on June 2nd with a new Summer Season of Great Sametime Statuses for you to enjoy.

Happy Nothing Day, Everybody!

Today is actually not a "National" anything day. Impressive.


The world seemed a little empty today. Now I know why.


SO every now and again, I have a busy morning or one where I'm completely lacking in inspiration to come up with a Great Sametime Status to edutain all of you. It's on these day I often resort to a certain website that promotes obscure national holidays for every day of the year. For example, yesterday was National Night Shift Workers Day, in addition to being Root Canal Appreciation Day. And while tomorrow is the long-awaited National Chocolate Chip Day AND Nylon Stockings Day, today has absolutely no significance to it whatsoever. Another website says something about the anniversary of the Lewis and Clark expedition, but I was under the impression that the expedition took over 2 years, so pretty much every day could be an anniversary, but I digress.


Y-Y-Y-You could p-p-p-point out that th-th-this week is N-N-National S-S-S-S-S-Stuttering Awareness Week.


You're absolutely right! Let's celebrate with a clip from the classic comedy, My Cousin Vinnie:

I actually get my hopes up

The intro to Finger Eleven’s "Paralyzer" is exactly the same as the intro to "Never Did No Wanderin" by The New Main Street Singers.


The New Main Street Singers?


That is correct. The fictional folk band from the movie A Mighty Wind stole a folk song from "The Folksmen" and, as so often happens in covers, completely ruined it. The main issue with this being that the new version is actually a whole lot funnier than The Folksmen's original. I guess it's not an 'issue' per se, since the film is a mocumentary, and the juxtaposition of the two songs is supposed to be funny, and is even mocked directly in the script...but that's beside the point.


I've forgotten what the point was supposed to be.


The point is that the intro to this song, really just a single strummed chord, is copied exactly for the introduction to "Paralyzer." Here, there is an issue, because there is no aspect of Finger Eleven's song that has ANYTHING to do with that chord, acoustic guitar, or folk music other than the first note. It's a little weird and seems very much out of place. Combine that with the fact that every time I hear that song come on the radio, I start to sing, "WANDERIN'" and it's total chaos.

I just thought I'd point this out to everyone.

Curse you, Billy!

I’M SORRY TO SAY THIS, BUT OXY CLEAN ACTUALLY WORKS QUITE WELL!!!


That's good to know.


YES IT IS! IT'S ALSO A LITTLE UNFORTUNATE, BECAUSE OF JUST HOW OBNOXIOUS THE COMMERCIALS ARE!


You just can't argue with Billy Mays


SO NOT TOO LONG AGO, I GOT DRESSED AND WENT TO WORK. I DIDN'T REALIZE AT THE TIME THAT THE SHIRT I PUT ON HAD SOME FORM OF STAIN ON THE SLEEVE. IT WAS LIKE SPAGHETTI SAUCE OR SALSA OR SOMETHING. SINCE IT WAS CLEARLY THERE BEFORE I PUT THE SHIRT ON, I'M GUESSING IT WAS AT LEAST A WEEK OLD.


Sounds like you need to do laundry more often.


BEFORE I PUT IT IN THE WASH, I PRE-TREATED IT WITH A BOTTLE OF OXY-CLEAN LAUNDRY PRE-TREATER I BOUGHT AGES AGO FOR JUST SUCH AN OCCASION! SINCE I WAS DEALING WITH A SET-IN TOMATO STAIN, I WAS NOT ENTIRELY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT WHAT KIND OF RESULTS I WOULD GET. TODAY, I PUT ON THE SAME SHIRT POST-WASHING, AND THE STAIN IS COMPLETELY GONE. I'M LEGITIMATELY IMPRESSED BY OXY-CLEAN...JUST PERHAPS NOT THE BLOWHARD SPOKESPERSON.



Special thanks to Evil Jeremy for suggesting I do everything in screaming Billy Mays fashion today.