It's Complicated, OK?

I need a new fake email address so I can buy shoes  

It's very important for shoes to be wi-fi enabled these days, you know.  But, that leaves them vulnerable to hacking.  

Wait what?  

Anyway...I need some new shoes.  I have too many shoes already, and I accept this truth, but sometimes, shoes reach the end of their usable lifetimes and need to be replaced.  That's in the process of happening with one of the pairs of shoes that I have.  It's time to swap them out.  

Now, it's true that somewhere north of 83% of the clothing I own has come from one store, but I was at that store yesterday, and they didn't have anything quite like the shoes I was looking for, so I have to move on.  The next store on my list of potential shoe-buying destinations is a large chain of shoe stores which claims to be a warehouse of sorts which carries many lines of shoes made by designers.  For strictly Blag purposes, we'll call them CRV Shoe Store.  There's a CRV franchise near my house, so I can stop by just about any time I want, and they tend to have a pretty extensive selection to choose from, so maybe I'll be able to sort things out.  

Here's the problem.  I hate going there.  

It's not that the store itself is bad, or that I've never found anything there.  They insist on signing me up for their email distribution before they let me buy shoes.  It's pretty pervasive, actually.  Not even a "did you find what you were looking for?" or "lovely day, isn't it?", the first thing you get from the cashier is "what's your email address?"  You don't get the option of joining the email list...just the assumption that since you're buying a pair of shoes, that you need shoes emailed to you at some regular (probably short) interval.  In the three of four times I've bought something from this store over the years, I've managed to avoid giving them my email address by stating (at least twice at every occasion) that I'm sure I don't want to sign up for their emails.  

I think I might be better served by giving them a fake email address.  

I used to use a certain fake email address whenever I needed to sign up for an email distribution list online that I didn't want to join.  That email address was " J@Here.net"  and it was very effective for software that only looks for an '@' and a '.' when deciding if an email address is valid or not.  Incidentally, if you have the email address "J@Here.net" I apologize for the non-stop barrage of spam emails that you get all the time.  Most of those are probably my fault.  

The problem with that address, of course, is that a human cashier will probably recognize pretty quickly that they were just given a fake email address.  At that point, they will know not only that I'm a liar, but that I could have saved us all a lot of time by simply stating that I didn't want to give them my email address and yes I'm sure I don't want to sign up for their great sales emails.  Yes, I'm sure.  

The solution here is pretty clear.  I need a new email address.  One that I won't actually be embarrassed to say out loud (I know a guy whose email address that I am totally not making up is "badvettdude"), and that I can remember easily, and is 100% not associated with me in any way.  That way, we can all be happy, I can have my shoes, I can stick it to The Man, and I'll never have to delete an email from CRV Shoe Store about a sale on more shoes that I still have too many of in the first place.