Always The Last Place You Look

I spent more time looking for fuel for my torch than I plan to spend using my torch 

Jeremy is trying very hard to become a member of the Fantastic Four.  He's doing a pretty miserable job so far.

So, recently, it has become important for me to roast marshmallows.  It would take more time than it's worth to explain why it is I need to roast marshmallows, but suffice to say, it is a remarkably dumb, but fun, reason.  

This is all well and good until you realize that it is late January, and nobody really wants to sit outside to roast marshmallows, especially for a remarkably dumb reason.  A new solution is required!  

I determined through a careful study in which I said, "I could probably do it that way," that an effective and reasonably safe method for indoor marshmallow roasting would be to use a creme brulee torch.  All you have to do is impale the marshmallows on some bamboo skewers and pass the torch over the marshmallows until golden perfection.  I'm going to screw this up once or twice, but it's okay...I don't need that many marshmallows, and I have a whole bag.  Also, creme brulee torches are ostensibly fun to play with.  

So, off I go to a local store which sells items for your bedroom, your bathroom, and presumably other rooms of your house and procured myself a creme brulee torch.  Fortunately, I noticed on the box a note that said the torch runs on aerosol butane, which is not included.  Through the store I go searching for a compatible can of torch fuel.  

Nope.

Off I go to another general store which, for strictly Blag purposes, let's call "Bull's Eye."  They have candles and lighters and camping fuel...it stands to reason that they should carry butane cans.  

Nope.  

Not far from "Bull's Eye," there is a store which in theory sells holiday-themed foliage(though I've never once seen one there...true story).  They have a section of kitchen stuff in the back and a whole thing of candles and candle holders and lighters.  They also had the magnetic picture frame that I was looking for a month and a half ago that they didn't have...jerks.  Anyway....it stands to reason that they might also carry butane cans.  

Nope.  

I spent probably the better part of two hours going to and through four different stores (You'll be pleased to know that I did eventually find the stuff at a store which, for strictly Blag purposes, we'll call "High's Home Improvement Store") searching for a stupid can of fuel for a stupid creme brulee torch that I'm going to use for a total of 5 stupid minutes to roast a handful of stupid marshmallows.  

I guess I'll have to learn how to make creme brulee.  

People vs. Jeremy

Can a Star Trek transporter be used as a legal defense?  

In order to restore balance to the nerdiness, Jeremy is following up yesterday's Star Wars themed Status with a Star Trek themed Status.  Very inclusive of you, Jeremy.  

Thank you.  

So, I recently "read" an audio book that started with a bit of a thought experiment.  It goes basically thus:  

You own an axe.  You use it for a while and the blade breaks.  So, you go to the local hardware store, buy a new blade, attach it to the handle, and you have a functional axe again.  Later on, after further use, the handle breaks.  So, you go to the local hardware store, buy a new handle, attach it to the blade, and you have a functional axe again.  The question is, do you have the same axe you started with?  

It's interesting, because as much as you have entirely new components to your axe, you could make the case that since the entire thing was never replaced at once, and there is constant continuity between your existing axe and the original axe that you never replaced your axe.  

The same question applies to people.  

See, Star Trek transporters work on the very simple scientific fact that matter and energy are interchangeable.  The idea is that the transporter takes an image of every atom and subatomic particle in your body (compensating for the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle by using the brilliant "Heisenberg Compensator"), and converts all of it to energy.  At this point in time, you no longer exist, which is part of why Dr. McCoy always hated the transporter.  The energy is then "beamed" down to the surface of the planet and the original image is rebuilt in its new location, atom by atom.  The resulting person is quite genuinely not the original person, but a presumably perfect reproduction of the person on the spaceship.  

So, can this be used as a legal defense?  "I didn't shoot that person with the phaser.  The person I was before I transported did it!  I'm just a recreation."  To my knowledge, this important legal concept has never been broached in the episodes of Star Trek I've watched.  It's important because...you know...it could happen some day...presumably around 46 years from April 5. 

Give or take.

Would I Believe An X-Wing?

If you really had the Millennium Falcon, you wouldn’t be driving a busted old Subaru

There's nothing wrong with driving a busted old Subaru.  Those cars are built to last.  

To be clear, I'm not casting aspersions on anybody's car, be it a busted old Subaru, a brand new Maserati, or a 6 year old Hyundai...

Guess which one is Jeremy's.

...but when I see a bumper sticker on my car that says "My Other Car Is The Millennium Falcon" I get confused.  Why would anybody choose to drive a car such as this if they had the Millennium Falcon at their disposal?   

Instead of being stuck at the same red light in mall traffic in front of a 6 year old Hyundai, you could be (quite literally) rising above it all and soaring away in your Class 0.5 Hyperdrive-equipped space freighter.  Leave the traffic (and quite frankly the whole planet) behind and explore the solar system, other worlds, discover new places, meet new species, try to break the 12-parsec record for the Kessel Run.  The entire galaxy is at your beck and call...so why in the name of all things good and plenty are you sitting here with me?  

I can imagine that you're not comfortable enough yet with the concepts and theories of Faster Than Light travel, celestial navigation is difficult, and maybe fuel for the Falcon is expensive, but you're also not going to solve any of those issues stuck in traffic.  

It actually seems more plausible that you really don't have the Millennium Falcon, and your bumper sticker is lying to me.  Having the Millennium Falcon on earth would mean that somebody brought it here from a distant galaxy (which, even given the extreme nature of illegally-modded hyperdrive would take centuries) and just left it here for you to buy.  It's also ridiculously old.  There is no definitive time frame for the Millennium Falcon (only that the events concerning the ship happened a "long time ago"), but estimates go up to almost 2.6 million years and are based on topics far too scientific to be healthy for somebody to have calculated.  Also, if somebody in the Greater Jeremy Area had the Millennium Falcon, (which does not have a cloaking device), it couldn't be hidden very well, and we would all know about it by now.  It would be on TV and all over the internets where the new owner of the Millennium Falcon was. 

I find it very unlikely that your other car really is the Millennium Falcon.  I therefore call Bunk on your bumper sticker.