When Does Week 2 Start?

After Week 1, my Fantasy Fantasy Football team is in first place 

Good for you, Jeremy!  One of these days, we might get you to bump up to actual Fantasy Football.

Not very likely.  

So, Fantasy Football is a big deal thing.  It costs businesses an estimated 17 Billion dollars per season (estimate by Fortune Magazine for the 2016 season) in lost worker productivity.  Lots and lots of people spend lots and lots of time organizing rosters of digital players, and root for their statistics, and not their teams, in the week's NFL games.  It's a little weird having shifted from a world of "I hope my team wins" to "I hope my team wins by one point and the other team scores a ton because I need their quarterback to throw many touchdown passes."  It happens. 

It doesn't happen for me, though.  See, I don't pay nearly enough attention to football to participate in Fantasy Football.  That takes more than just a knowledge of how the sport is played and an only passing interest in ever even seeing the games.  If somebody says, "Hey, Jeremy.  We're going to a restaurant establishment in the Greater Jeremy Area to watch football.  You must join," then I will join.  Failing that, there's a better than even chance that I'll find something to do that does not involve football.  

This leads to a shortage of knowledge about football.

I don't know which teams are good, which teams have which players, which players are any good, which team has players that might be good some day, which teams have which strengths and weaknesses which can be used to an advantage (a smart Fantasy Football player would avoid starting a reasonably good wide receiver if he's playing against the best pass defense in the league, for example)...none of that nonsense.  To become good at Fantasy Football, I would need to obtain a great deal of knowledge about a subject I don't care about.  So first, I would need to obtain a more than rudimentary interest in football, then obtain all of this knowledge.  I simply don't care that much.  

I don't play Fantasy Football.

This, of course, doesn't stop people from talking about Fantasy Football non-stop during the football season.  It's okay, I guess.  It's something that interests them.  But, if I'm to be part of nearly any conversation for the next 5 months (since most of my friends don't talk about hockey), I need to do Fantasy Football.  Therefore, I have a Fantasy Fantasy Football team, in which I pretend to have a Fantasy Football team.  It accomplishes pretty much the same thing as regular Fantasy Football but without any of the fuss of Fantasy Football.  There are no league drafts, or salary caps, or decisions on how many kickers to carry, or scouting reports for upcoming games, or Oxford commas, or last minute roster changes due to injury.  But, I can still brag about how well my team did last week.  It works because nobody cares enough to actually see if I'm in first place or not.  They're too busy deciding which Wide Receiver to start next week.