I Am The Champion!

It was the Fight of the Century…between me and my garden hose  

Sadly, Jeremy one.  I mean, I'm guessing here.  Garden hoses can't usually spell very well.  

So, if you were near anything electronic last week, you were made aware of a boxing match held in some casino city somewhere out west.  I'm not going to say any names because I'm entirely certain they'll come after me for money.  I feel like I somehow paid good money for it already, and I don't know how.  Yes, two guys were going to punch each other in the face for a while in front of a crowd of people cheering for them to punch each other in the face some more while people paid ludicrous sums of money to be allowed to watch the face punching live on TV.  There was probably gambling involved somewhere along the line as well.

You've actually paid to watch Wrestlemania on Pay Per View.  It's debatable which is dumber.  

So, from everything I've seen on the Internets since then, I feel bad for all the people who spent their money to watch this nonsense, as it apparently didn't live up to its billing.  The two guys didn't punch each other in the face nearly enough to satisfy the crowds, but the tickets and Pay Per View time is non-refundable.  Sorry, chumps.  

For those looking for a much more entertaining fight, there was me in my back yard versus my nemesis, the hose.  See, at one point, I thought it would be a great idea to get one of those self-coiling garden hoses with a fashionable wire hanger which mounts on the side of my deck.  It's great...it just sits out there and I can plug it into the spigot to water my plants without watering cans or dragging the other hose and it's whole reel around the house from the garage.  In theory, anyway.  

In reality, I can never get the stupid thing back into its wire hanger.  There's clearly some trick to it that I'm not getting, because I'll think I'm having success, having gotten about half of it to settle down, when one end decides on a lark to just dump back out onto the ground, taking the entire rest of the hose with it.  Jerk.  Recently, the hose was in rare form, and it took me more tries than usual (and more than I'd care to admit) to get it stored properly.  I'm sure anybody watching would have been more entertained by than than the face punching spectacle, and nobody paid me 100 million dollars to do it.