I love the classics

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.


Is that what happened to my paper?


Uhm...of course not.


What's more impressive about this is that you're up before dawn. Morning's suck.


I agree. Now...in case you missed it yesterday...


Which we all did because of your day savagely full of meetings at work...


Yesterday was "Barbie and Barney Backlash Day," a holiday created by Wellcat Holidays and Herbs in an excuse to sell more greeting cards. Apparently, you're also supposed to tell your children that Barnie and Barney are imaginary. So, to all of the Loyal Readers out there...I consider you my family, so let me be the first to say, "Barbie and Barney are not real." Sorry.

Friggin Heralds...

Pet Peeve: People who call the song "Hark The Herald"


You're clearly referring to the timeless holiday carol "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"


Yes...and this bugs me more than you might think.


Here we go.


So, since our society has become lazy, we prefer to shorten everything we can...especially when it comes to pronunciation. Names (William=Bill, Jennifer Lopez=J-Lo, Bradley Pitt and Jennifer Aniston=Bennifer), Cities (Soho, SoCal, Dowisetrepla), restaurants (KFC, Mickey D's, Double D's), pretty much everything. I'm guilty of it too...one particular person who plays a key role in my sitcom grew accustomed to calling me "Jer" and then one day she randomly called me "Jeremy" and I was confused. It's really all part and parcel with The Wussification Of America...which is fine, except when it goes too far.

All of the names and places mentioned above at least make sense when you use them. But calling this song by the abbreviated name "Hark The Herald" is meaningless. It's laziness for the sake of laziness, and demeans the meaning of the song. You're saying to the world, "I don't care what the song is about or what it's supposed to mean, I'm going to shorten it because I don't feel like saying the whole thing." Is anything worse?


Probably...


The answer is a resounding "NO!"

Let's examine. A "Herald" is much like a fanfare. "Hark!" is like saying "Hey...listen." In the song, you're not listening to a mere fanfare. You're listening to a choir of angels announcing the birth of Jesus. They're Herald Angels! So, listen up people...the Herald Angels are singing. Pay attention!

Take that, True Love!

On the 13th Day of Christmas, I took all that crap back to the store and got a refund. Ka-Ching!


No use for partridges?


Not even Laurie.


Wait, what?


So today marks the start of the last week of work before the holiday break.


And the completion of a sentence with three consecutive prepositions.


I thought I'd take this opportunity to familiarize you with the upcoming Jeremy Is In The Office schedule, since I have nothing better to talk about today. There will be all-new Sametime Statuses this week. The week of the 19th will be vacation, and the week of the 28th will be all-new stuff for a few days before new year's. It's going to be great.


You mean like a great tragedy, or a great waste of time?

Occupational Hazards

3.....2.....1.....Happy New Knee, Mark!


Loyal Reader and volleyball cohort Mark will be undergoing surgery to repair his Anterior Cruciate Ligament this morning. Everyone here would like to wish him a speedy recovery.


Of course, when I first heard the news of Mark's torn-up knee, I felt bad for him. This will undoubtedly be a pretty long and arduous journey back to the volleyball court. But then, I started thinking about the surgery itself, and my thoughts turned to The Todd...particularly this moment:

I really want to do more of these

People Who Just Don’t Get It; Volume 1: The person driving a Range Rover who swerves to avoid a speed bump.


Today's Sametime Status is the first in a recurring theme of posts designed to make fun of people who just don't get it. Today...drivers of unnecessary SUV's


I'm not going to come out and say that SUV's are bad. I'm sure they're safer than micro-type cars, unless you happen to be trying to turn at a modest rate of speed, and the ability to drive over curbs when the traffic patterns don't suit you can be remarkably handy. However, the vast majority of SUV commercials we see these days promote the off-road capabilities of these vehicles...particularly the more expensive ones. In fact, certain SUV dealers have a special off-road course for you to test drive the trucks on so you can learn just how well they handle savage terrain before you buy the thing so you can drive it straight to the McDonald's Drive-thru.

The one that bothered me the most was a recent viewing I had of a person driving a Range Rover. For those of you unaware, this is a remarkably expensive SUV (starting MSRP is just on the short side of $80K, says the website) which can handle any sort of off-road capability you can throw at it. This driver veered wildly to the side of the driving lane so that they would only run over a speed bump with the wheels on one side of the car. While I agree that this lessens the impact on your car...you're driving a car that's designed for just such an occasion! Don't be That Guy...drive in a straight line and take the bump. Let your SUV pretend it's in the wilderness somewhere...that's what you paid for, right?

Annoying...

32 and holding!


Happy Birthday, Jeremy!


Nope...not my birthday.


How many friends you have on Facebook?


No...couple more than that.


Uhm...then I'm out.


That's the air pressure in my tire that went flat this past weekend. I got it fixed thanks to my exceptionally kind hosts, made it home safely and hope to have no further issues with it.

It still kinda sucked.

Theme Week, Part Rudolph

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Jeremy’s Non-Shopping List! Item #5: Droid


It's officially the Holiday Season! Time to spike the punch at your office nondescript holiday party and photograph the results. It's also time to risk identity theft while shopping online for all the gifts you're going to buy everyone on your list. Here at Jeremy Is In The Office, we strive to make things easier for you, the gift-giving public. We're also hosted on a secure server.


As you probably know, I can be a bit nerdy at times. It's true...I know. And nothing excites nerdy people more than technological gizmos...especially if they're shiny. One of the shiniest new gizmos out now is a new Smartphone (on coincidentally the same phone network I currently use) by Motorola called the Droid.


It's also pretty expensive, so you can probably forget about any of the loyal readers buying you one. Good luck with that anyway, though.


Droid was the subject of a vigorous advertising campaign to unseat the iPhone as the smartphone of choice among nerdy people who think they need this sort of nonsense. It was also the subject of a Great XKCD Comic. Since I really like my current phone, but it has bluetooth connectivity issues, I've thought about getting a Droid since about a month before they came out...but for the time being, I've decided not to get one.

Theme Week, Part Donder and Blitzen

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Jeremy's Non-Shopping List! Item #4: Volleyball


It's officially the Holiday Season! Time to sing off-key carols to your neighbours and then demand tribute in the form of snacks and hot cocoa. It's also time to futilely tear through every mall in creation thinking about what gifts you're going to buy everyone on your list. Here at Jeremy Is In The Office, we strive to make things easier for you, the gift-giving public. It's also a great way to see which of the loyal readers truly care.


So you may or may not know that I enjoy participating in the occasional volleyball game. It's true...really. It's pretty much my most time and money-consuming holiday. So much so to the point where I don't feel like buying my own ball anymore. Sure, I've looked at them, and Even Have One Picked Out, but I'm just not going to buy it right now.


Weird...didn't you just get a new Wilson AVP ball and a Mikasa FIVB ball fairly recently?


Well, yes....but here's the deal. The local outdoor doubles tournaments have historically had the Wilson Gold ball as the ball of choice. Apparently, supplies of this ball started becoming a bit limited toward the end of last summer, so the tournament director is considering a switch to the Spalding KOB ball. I don't have one of those...and it's very sad. Not sad enough to go out and buy the thing yet, of course.

Theme Week, Part Comet and Cupid

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Jeremy’s Non-Shopping List! Item #3: Tool Box


It's officially the Holiday Season! Time to don your nightcap for a long wintr's nap, and start peeling carrots for Rudolph. It's also time to tear your hair out thinking about what gifts you're going to buy everyone on your list. Here at Jeremy Is In The Office, we strive to make things easier for you, the gift-giving public. It's also easier than shopping ourselves.


Today's "Thing That I'm Not Going To Buy For Myself In The Next Three Weeks" is a staple in every handyman's arsenal. No, I'm not talking about duct tape, (That's the Handyman's Secret Weapon I'm talking about your basic toolbox.


So many "Tool" jokes, so little time...


Since becoming a homeowner, I've had to learn to fix stuff more often, in addition to performing home improvement and renovation type projects. This is all well and good, and over the months, I've managed to accumulate most of the essential tools for performing these tasks. I've also gotten fairly good at fixing some things, aside from the bathroom sink which just gets weirder, but that's beside the point. The point is that most of the tools sit around on a shelf in my garage, with no discernible organizational system whatsoever.


You don't have an organizational system for anything.


While that's also true, I have plenty of ways of carrying stuff, but no way to carry a couple handfuls of tools. This is where the toolbox comes in. I've looked at several, and most are cheap plastic junk. Some have faux diamondplate glued to the outside of the plastic to give the appearance of structural integrity, but is there merely for show. Those are arguably even more lame. So I thought about getting a decent toolbox, big enough to hold a fair amount of junk, probably having a drawer or two, and with some actual rigidity to it...but decided against it. For now.

Theme Week, Part Prancer and Vixen

Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Jeremy’s Non-Shopping List! Item #2: Crepe Maker


It's officially the Holiday Season! Time to blow up the inflatable Santa, sew up the holes in last year's stocking, and bake more cookies than you can eat in a month. It's also time to go completely loopy over what gifts you're going to buy everyone on your list. Here at Jeremy Is In The Office, we strive to make things easier for you, the gift-giving public. We also like to get stuff.


Today's item that I won't be shopping for between now and XMas is a griddle thingy designed for making crepes. As you may know, I have a penchant for trying new and interesting recipes...most of which involving cookies or other sweets. As you may also remember, I went to France earlier this year, a trip complete with eating a not-insignificant number of crepes. Combining these two items, and it should come as no shock that I want to learn to make my own crepes, and may have even bought my own little jar of Nuttela for just such an occasion. All I need is the maker.


Also known as a griddle.


Yes, it can be done on my existing griddle, but I don't know if it has quite the even temperature distribution required for crepe making...and it's also square. All the crepes I had in France were round. Keep in mind that the best crepe maker comes with a little wooden stick thingy for spreading out the dough. I like to refer to is as a "Crepe Zamboni."

I've pondered buying myself one of these things for a while now...mostly just searching online, but I've decided not to buy one...at least before January.