Evil Rhetorical Friday

It's the return of the new and improved and I'm smooth, ain't nobody does it better, here's the proof


Wait...this sounds familiar.


Well, it should! It's the lyrics to "The Best" by 2 Skinnee J's!


It's also the exact same Status Message that Evil Jeremy Ran on Wednesday. What happened to originality?


Well, I spoke (actually...typed, but that's beside the point) with Evil Jeremy about this, and we agreed that I could, and even should, re-run the exact same message today...albeit for very different reasons.

He was pleased that there would be more Sametime Statuses around singing the praises of 2 Skinnee J's, which he does Fairly Often.

From my perspective, he mentioned in his post that the proof described in the remainder of the lyrics not shown in the Status Message was both "elegant and simple." This prompted me to do my own investigation, and I set out to learn the proof for myself. As it turns out, one of the J's announces that he is the best by saying "ain't nobody does it better" and offers the proof in the chorus. The proof is as follows:

• Ain't no body, does it better,
  ain't no body, does it better,
  than J!
  
  Ain't no body, does it better,
  ain't no body, does it better,
  than J!
  

Simple, yes. Elegant, perhaps. More importantly, the proof is a rhetorical fallacy because it is a circular argument. The proof of "Ain't nobody does it better" is "Ain't nobody does it better than J!" The proof is offering no more details than the original statement. I realized this and decided that it would be a perfect Sametime Status for Rhetorical Friday. So enjoy!


Rhetorical Friday actually being interesting and informative. This is actually very exciting. Speaking of exciting, you have some exciting news.


Indeed I do. Starting tonight, I will be out of the country for two weeks touring France and Switzerland, and delivering at least 2 keynote lectures on Bird Flu to the European community. As such, The Blag You Know And Love will be pretty much stationary until June. As much as I'd like to apologize for the inconvenience, I really REALLY need the vacation right now, and I'm sure that The Most Intelligent Readership In The World will be able to make do. I'll see you all when I come back to The States.


Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out of the Office starting tomorrow and will return on June 2nd with a new Summer Season of Great Sametime Statuses for you to enjoy.

Happy Nothing Day, Everybody!

Today is actually not a "National" anything day. Impressive.


The world seemed a little empty today. Now I know why.


SO every now and again, I have a busy morning or one where I'm completely lacking in inspiration to come up with a Great Sametime Status to edutain all of you. It's on these day I often resort to a certain website that promotes obscure national holidays for every day of the year. For example, yesterday was National Night Shift Workers Day, in addition to being Root Canal Appreciation Day. And while tomorrow is the long-awaited National Chocolate Chip Day AND Nylon Stockings Day, today has absolutely no significance to it whatsoever. Another website says something about the anniversary of the Lewis and Clark expedition, but I was under the impression that the expedition took over 2 years, so pretty much every day could be an anniversary, but I digress.


Y-Y-Y-You could p-p-p-point out that th-th-this week is N-N-National S-S-S-S-S-Stuttering Awareness Week.


You're absolutely right! Let's celebrate with a clip from the classic comedy, My Cousin Vinnie:

I actually get my hopes up

The intro to Finger Eleven’s "Paralyzer" is exactly the same as the intro to "Never Did No Wanderin" by The New Main Street Singers.


The New Main Street Singers?


That is correct. The fictional folk band from the movie A Mighty Wind stole a folk song from "The Folksmen" and, as so often happens in covers, completely ruined it. The main issue with this being that the new version is actually a whole lot funnier than The Folksmen's original. I guess it's not an 'issue' per se, since the film is a mocumentary, and the juxtaposition of the two songs is supposed to be funny, and is even mocked directly in the script...but that's beside the point.


I've forgotten what the point was supposed to be.


The point is that the intro to this song, really just a single strummed chord, is copied exactly for the introduction to "Paralyzer." Here, there is an issue, because there is no aspect of Finger Eleven's song that has ANYTHING to do with that chord, acoustic guitar, or folk music other than the first note. It's a little weird and seems very much out of place. Combine that with the fact that every time I hear that song come on the radio, I start to sing, "WANDERIN'" and it's total chaos.

I just thought I'd point this out to everyone.

Curse you, Billy!

I’M SORRY TO SAY THIS, BUT OXY CLEAN ACTUALLY WORKS QUITE WELL!!!


That's good to know.


YES IT IS! IT'S ALSO A LITTLE UNFORTUNATE, BECAUSE OF JUST HOW OBNOXIOUS THE COMMERCIALS ARE!


You just can't argue with Billy Mays


SO NOT TOO LONG AGO, I GOT DRESSED AND WENT TO WORK. I DIDN'T REALIZE AT THE TIME THAT THE SHIRT I PUT ON HAD SOME FORM OF STAIN ON THE SLEEVE. IT WAS LIKE SPAGHETTI SAUCE OR SALSA OR SOMETHING. SINCE IT WAS CLEARLY THERE BEFORE I PUT THE SHIRT ON, I'M GUESSING IT WAS AT LEAST A WEEK OLD.


Sounds like you need to do laundry more often.


BEFORE I PUT IT IN THE WASH, I PRE-TREATED IT WITH A BOTTLE OF OXY-CLEAN LAUNDRY PRE-TREATER I BOUGHT AGES AGO FOR JUST SUCH AN OCCASION! SINCE I WAS DEALING WITH A SET-IN TOMATO STAIN, I WAS NOT ENTIRELY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT WHAT KIND OF RESULTS I WOULD GET. TODAY, I PUT ON THE SAME SHIRT POST-WASHING, AND THE STAIN IS COMPLETELY GONE. I'M LEGITIMATELY IMPRESSED BY OXY-CLEAN...JUST PERHAPS NOT THE BLOWHARD SPOKESPERSON.



Special thanks to Evil Jeremy for suggesting I do everything in screaming Billy Mays fashion today.

He had it coming

Internet Killed the Video Star


I was sorry to see him go. He had a nice long run.


Today's Sametime Status is, of course a reference to The Buggles's song "Video Killed the Radio Star." This is simply the next step in the evolution.


Can we send flowers to the family or something?


Since the advent of The Internet (Or Tubes, if you prefer), everybody has stopped watching music videos. That and MTV and VH1 have decided that showing music videos isn't in their best interests anymore, instead pleasing us with quality, cerebrally-stimulating shows like "Real Chance At Love" and "The Real World/Road Rules Challenge." Personally, I blame the Internet for all of it.


Yeah...that Internet is a jerk. There's nothing good on it.


There's always your favourite Sametime Status Blag.


Like I said....nothing good.

That Guy Nobody Knows but Always Seems to Show Up Near Rhetorical Friday

Why do we have rhetorical questions?


If I pretend to like Rhetorical Friday, will you stop?


Nope.


In that case, I hate you. Why're you so late today?


Ehh...I had a thing at work this morning, so I was doing that instead of writing silliness here. Either way...first Beach Volleyball tournament of the season is tomorrow, so wish me luck!


Don't break anything substantial.


Will do! Have a good weekend, everybody!

It didn't even come with an airbag

Your tax money at work: You just wasted $53.57 on Chrysler. Congratulations!


Presenting: a rare moment of political punditry from Jeremy.


So a little while back, we as taxpayers were told that we needed to bail out billionaire bankers who did stupid things and lost money by giving them more of our money.

This prompted everyone else under the sun to ask, "so what similar scams can I run to get taxpayer money?" and some of them succeeded. One group of people who had that thought were the people who run General Motors and Chrysler, two of the "Big Three" automakers in the US. They showed remarkable business savvy by flying corporate jets to Washington to beg for taxpayer money because they couldn't run their business properly and were losing money. They needed our money to avoid bankruptcy. Keep that in mind...it becomes important later.

Like the kind-hearted souls we all are, instead of offering them the business end of our boots, we offered them lots and lots of money. Since the money was officially termed a "Loan" the good folks at Chrysler and GM generously offered to pay us back, and like the kind-hearted morons that we are, we believed them, and even rooted for them to succeed. Of course, none of us ran out and immediately bought a new car.

The end result, as we all know, is that not long ago, Chrysler filed for bankruptcy. Even with 7.5 Billion dollars of YOUR money, they still couldn't make their company work and have officially failed. Here's the best part...according to the terms of their bankruptcy, it was announced this week that Chrysler Won't be Paying Back the Government Loans. That's right, kids. Those 7.5 billion dollars that YOU spent on Chrysler is now down the toilet. It's gone.

Highly Reliable Sources tell me that there are roughly 140 Million taxpayers in the US today. That 7.5 Billion Dollars we've now wasted on Chrysler amounts to $53.57 each. Hope you didn't have anything you needed THAT for.

Fiesta!

In a bit of Revisionist History, the Polish actually settled Mexico, thus making Pierogi an appropriate meal for Cinco de Mayo.


Interesting...I had always thought it was the Spanish and French that settled that area.


Most people do think that, and given the Spanish language, cultural influences, and history books, it's pretty easy to understand why. However, the real story is one of bravery and heroism from Poland leading to the settling of Central America. I'll leave the research as an exercise for the reader.


So this has nothing to do with you forgetting to go to Taco Bell yesterday and eating pierogi instead?


Not a thing. Why do you ask?

I have hair...

Stupid Bumper Sticker of the Day: "If It's Got Hair, It's Just A Cat"


The sticker had a picture of a cat on it too.


So apparently, anything with hair is now considered a cat. Good to know. So those deer that run through my back yard?


Now cats.


The squirrel I almost ran over on my way to work this morning?


It's just a cat.


That grizzly bear that comes for your sandwiches when you're on a camping trip...relax! It's just a cat! Biology has officially taken a back seat to bumper sticker catch phrases that really make no sense. I'm sure there's some kind of inside joke going on here, probably some elitist crack on people who don't own hairless cats (which are remarkably creepy, by the way), but as a stand-alone bumper sticker, it's really just pretty moronic.


The best part of this story is that the driver's son or daughter is an honors student at a local middle school. The bumper told us that, too!


So either the offspring is adopted or somehow got the shallow end of the gene pool. Good for you, kid!

I vote yes

Does my shampoo smell differently than it did before?


Do you seriously want people to come up and smell your hair today?


Actually, no. I guess it's more of a rhetorical question than anything else.


In that case, it belongs on Friday.


I don't know...it's been bugging me for a few days ever since the bottle change. I bought the same brand, the same type, the label looks exactly the same, the ingredients haven't changed...and yet, it smells different.


Nothing like starting your morning with a little confusion in the shower.


Usually, when companies change their product, they let you know about it, or put one of those "New Look, Same Great Taste" labels on the package...


Don't taste the shampoo.


...or the standard "New and Improved" implying that you've been using old and inferior this whole time. But in the situation of my hair care, none of this is the case. It's troubling. I need answers to this serious dilemma.

Special Assistant to Mr. Rhetorical Friday

There is only one man who can rid the politics of this State of the evil domination of Boss Jim Gettys. I am speaking of Charles Foster Kane, the fighting liberal, the friend of the working man, the next Governor of this State, who entered upon this campaign.


Political speeches from old movies? Seriously...this is the best you've got?


Not only is today's Sametime Status a quote from the greatest movie of all time (Sorry, Pauly Shore fans), but it's also an example of "False Dilemma," which makes today Rhetorical Friday!!!


Of course...Rhetorical Friday...really should have guessed.


Well, the People demand it. Incidentally, today is a momentous day.


It sure is! Today marks the 400th post in the history of Jeremy Is In The Office! As surprised as I am that you've made it through 400 posts of this crap, I'm sure there's a person out there looking forward to the next 400.


Hi, Mom!