Feels Empty

I really have no music between Mythos and Neil Young?

This bothers you?

Not as much as you might think.  It was just a curiosity recently when the mp3 player in my car went from a Mythos song (I forget which one...maybe Odyssey) to  Heart of Gold by Neil Young.  It just seemed a little strange to me that there is nothing in my music library (The part that's on the flash drive in my car, anyway) that comes between My and Ne...alphabetically anyway. 

Then I got to thinking that there isn't that much decent music in the Na range.  Anybody got anything that should be in the gap? 

Very Few People Really Know This

Pro Tip:  Coffee tastes much better when you put coffee in it

So you make it from Beans, Not Crap?  

So it would seem.  Actually, I'm referring to an incident I had not long ago.

Oh, good!  Another edition of Jeremy Is An Idiot!


I have a coffee maker in my office.  I can't afford to buy coffee at the Adorably Tiny Cafeteria Thing In My Building (also, I'm afraid of the Toaster), and since I, and everyone else for that matter, moved offices, the coffee club upstairs has gone downhill.  It's also gone farther away, but that's entirely beside the point.  So, I bought a little coffee maker, and I keep my supplies in a drawer and make myself a nice cup of coffee every now and again if I happen to be in my office for an extended time.

The recipe is no great secret.  You put water in the back of the machine, you put coffee in the little basket, coffee dumps out the bottom into my cup.  I tend to put creamer and sugar in the cup before the coffee so it will be perfectly mixed by the dripping action and lead to less work in between brewing and drinking.  I'm an engineer, so I'm lazy like that.

While the recipe is pretty standard, there is little room for error.  If you don't put the cup below the spout, coffee will dump on the floor.  If you don't put water in, no coffee comes out.  If you run out of sugar and don't remember to steal any from the ATCTIMB, your coffee is bitter.  I'm not saying any of these things HAVE happened with any sort of regularity, but at least one of them is based on a true story.  Not long ago, I decided to try to save money on coffee by making coffee without it.  Seems like a pretty essential ingredient you might think, but I'm an engineer, so I have to go with experimental data.  Either that, or I forgot to put coffee in the basket...you'll have to decide which story you believe.  I go back to my computer and work on a project I was doing at the time.  After a couple minutes, and after the dripping sound behind me stopped, I turned around to get my cup, and I saw that it was full of a steaming milky white liquid that in almost no way resembled coffee.  This lack of resemblance included taste...I was curious, okay?

At this point, I knew exactly what I had done (or not done as the case may be), and was faced with a conundrum.  What do I do with this milky-sweet concoction I had just made?  I could pour it back into the machine and run it through again (including coffee this time), but this might run the risk of the cream and sugar clogging up the works.  Also, my little coffee maker specializes in making very hot coffee.  Putting this already hot liquid back into the machine might result in a lava-hot beverage capable of getting McDonald's sued.  Would the coffee brew as well if it were already infused with cream and sugar?  Does steaming-hot cream burn inside a coffee maker?   At the end, I had little choice but to do a walk of shame down the hallway to the bathroom carrying my cup of failure, dump out the sweetened milkwater, and start the whole coffee process over again.  It really did taste better the second time, but then I ran out of sugar again.  Time to go "shopping."

You Had To Think There

“It’s funny because it’s bad science.” – Actual Work Conversation

Oh, you nutty engineers and your nerdy discussions.  What's for lunch?  

So not long ago, we were having a discussion at work about flow controllers.  As with everything in engineering, nothing is ever completely exact, so there is always some component of error that has to be dealt with, and that came into play when talking about these particular components.  Let's say, for example, that a flow controller is designed to put anywhere between 0 and 100 liters of gas into a chamber every minute.  (Do keep in mind this is a completely hypothetical example, so don't go trying to recreate this process.)  You actually need 10 Liters per minute, so you set the flow controller to 10.  Great!  The flow controller will have an error amount relative to the maximum flow, let's say 1%.  So, in this case, you'll be getting 10 Liters, give or take 1...so anywhere from 9 to 11 liters will be your eventual flow.  Seems like a lot of error.

One solution is to reduce the size of the flow controller...let's say to a 20L max component.  Then, assuming the same 1% full range tolerance, you'll be at 10 +/- 0.2 Liters, or from 9.8 to 10.2 .  Much better!  Unless, of course, you have a different process on the same tool that requires a flow greater than 20 Liters.  You can't have it all.  What's the best solution?  As with everything in engineering, the answer is "It Depends."  

One possible solution that was hypothesized in a gedanken at work recently (It means "Thought Experiment," look it up.  Also look up Schrodinger's Cat while you're at it) was to place multiple flow controllers in parallel.  The tolerance of each individual one will be lower, thus the overall variation will be lower, right?  So this is obviously the way to go, right?

NOPE! 

Chuck Testa?

Uhm...wow...no.  The problem with this theory isn't actually so much with the tolerance.  It's certainly possible for the error to be less, sure.  In order to have the same extreme values, the performance of each of the smaller flow controllers would have to be off by the maximum amount, and all in the same direction.  Let's say you have a set of ten 10L controllers to replace a single 100L.  At a total flow of 10L, the single controller can be off by 1L, for a max flow of 11L.  If all of the 10L controllers were off by .1, and were putting out 1.1L, you'd still end up with the same 11L flow.  However, the likelihood of this is pretty low.  In reality, you're much more likely to have a Normal (or Gaussian) distribution of error, with half of the controllers flowing high, and half flowing low, with the mean flow value at your target:

In theory, the way to get closest to your target flow is to have an infinite number of infinitesimally small flow controllers.  The distribution will normalize everything out, and you're left with the most precise measure you can get.  This was the original point of the gedanken. 

The problem with this, of course, is that in order to implement this in the real world, you have to put more components into the system, increasing the complexity and probability that something will go wrong.  You also need to re-engineer everything from the supply cabinets to the incoming facilities to the software used to control all of these new flow controllers.  It's terrible engineering and, at least to us...very funny. 

You're probably not laughing.  I guess that's okay. 

They'd Just Turn The Meetings Into A Reality Show

Do TV network producers have to do an 8D to make sure shows like “How To Be A Gentleman” never happen again?

Is that some sort of emoticon?  8D?  Also, that show sucked.  

True story, when developing the concept for today's Sametime Status, I was going to use the show "Whitney" as the punchline, but apparently, that show isn't cancelled yet.  

Anyway, more germane to the point is that 8D is a structured problem solving method used by managers who need to have a spreadsheet or presentation to look at in order to complete their day.  It involves analyzing remote extremities of a system in order to figure out why something else went wrong.  It's also a remarkably effective way to kill time while ignoring other things that are going wrong and the fact that you still haven't fixed the original problem because you've been writing a presentation about it instead of fixing it.  

Strictly speaking, 8D stands for "8 Disciplines" because sadly, try as they might, they couldn't figure out how to get each step's name to start with D.  The steps are, in order:  Create a plan, Create a Team, Define the problem, Develop a Containment Plan, Determine Root Cause, Choose corrective actions, Implement and Validate corrective actions, Take Preventive Measures, and Congratulate the team.  Since "Congratulating the team" would often involve spending money on pizza or a handsome framed certificate, it is skipped 83% of the time.  

All that said, television entertainment should be in a near-constant state of improvement as people learn what other people look for in entertainment.  There really is no question that the bulk of TV shows now are of better quality than those of even 20 years ago, leave alone the 1950's.  Not just in terms of production value, but in editing, effects, acting, sound, and picture quality.  As great a TV show as "The A-Team" was back in the 80s, it's positively cheesy by today's standards, and Mr.T's acting chops are nothing short of disgraceful.  Sure, all of the old shows have great nostalgia factor, but as productions and works of the art of entertainment, they simply don't hold a candle to what can be done today.  

Then, along comes some unbelievably bad show such as "How To Be A Gentleman," "Pan Am," "The Playboy Club," or "Work It," and you're left wondering where the process broke down.  Somebody somewhere along the line between pitching the idea for the show, developing the initial script, rewrites, network reviews, producing the pilot, and test screenings should have been able to say, "Wait a second here, folks.  This show is atrocious.  Let's just stop and do something better."  

That didn't happen here, and this show (We'll stick with "How To be A Gentleman") was allowed to pollute the airwaves for a full hour and a half before the show was mercifully yanked from the universe after 3 episodes.  Nobody misses it.  Nobody liked it.  Yet, somebody (A whole lineup of people, actually) thought it was a good idea.  If these people lived in the engineering world, a structured problem solving method such as 8D, 8-Step, A3, FMEA, DMAIC, DILAWRI, Taguchi, Ishikawa, Seven-Step, NEVDGP, BSI (No, I'm not making ANY of those up) would have been used to identify why that program was allowed to air, why it went so appallingly wrong, and how to change the process so that an atrocity like that never makes its way to television again.  If that were the case, after a number of iterations, we would arrive at an asymptotic space where we've basically come up with the greatest TV show possible.  Clearly, we're not there yet, so I'm pretty sure the network execs haven't used this method.  For a comparatively small consulting fee, I'd be willing to train them. 

Well, You Are

Dear Vancouver:  Is it okay to say “You’re welcome” now?  

What exactly is Vancouver thanking you for?

Well, I didn't do anything.  But, the person in charge of the Los Angeles Kings' official Twitter account did.  We'll begin with a brief rant.

Yay!  People like those!

We live in a very strange age.  An age where corporate profits are of more importance than just about anything else, an information age, and an age of total wussification.  (Normally, I call it "The Wussification Of America," but today, we'll be talking about Canada.)  Sometimes, all of these things intersect and people just go nutty.  For instance, last week.  

The Los Angeles Kings were set to take on the #1 seed Vancouver Canucks in the Western Conference Quarterfinals (This is hockey, BTW).  This is all well and good, except when you factor in that outside of Vancouver, the Canucks are one of the most hated NHL teams outside of Philadelphia.  Their fans have a reputation (deserved or otherwise) of being uninformed, overly biased, spoiled homers.  This is further exacerbated by the game announcers on their local TV feeds who exhibit many of the same traits.  On top of this, the players themselves have a reputation for being spoiled, whiny, prissy, and dirty, with some even getting Called Out In The Media about their antics. Some of the players did nothing to change people's opinion of them, Some Even Made It Worse.  

After the Kings' victory in Game 1 of this series, the folks in charge of the LA Twitter account jumped the gun a bit in talking a little smack by posting, "To everyone in Canada outside of BC, you're welcome."  Vancouver fans were quick to jump all over this saying, and rightfully so, that one game does not a series make.  However, it did not end there.  

Since the 24-hour news networks have fill about 23 1/2 hours per day of stuff that's not actual news, and they employ far fewer actual reporters than they used to, the folks in the newsroom have taken to scouring the internet for what might be passable as interesting.  Some reporters alit upon this (It bothers me that the spell checker on the Blag here doesn't recognize the word "Alit") and turned the Kings' Twitter into a News Item.  This is pretty sad.  

In addition to the sorry state of journalism at play here, we have another black mark on the NHL.  This playoff season has been pretty rough and there have been a number of large penalties and suspensions meted out for dangerous play, and that, along with somebody's Twitter feed, is what has dominated the headlines.  This LA/Vancouver series featured some of the best stories the NHL had to offer, with some highlight-reel goals, fast-paced action, hard hitting, and three of the best goaltenders in the league.  So, to all fans of hockey who got to watch this series and didn't pay attention to the lousy media coverage, "You're Welcome."    

Honking Would Have Been Too Ironic

Apparently, geese are allowed to jaywalk

I guess they have trouble with the signs indicating the crosswalk.

Whatever the reason, geese in general suck at crossing the road.  

They should take lessons from the chicken.  She's a pro.

So I was driving to work recently.  This involves several stoplights, including one at the entrance to a store that we'll call, "Sleeping Room, Rest Room, and Further" that has a traffic light.  As is my custom, I completely missed the light, so I'm stopped at the red.  While I'm waiting for the green light, a goose starts crossing through the intersection...pretty much right across the middle.  Stupid thing was so busy not watching the car coming out of the parking lot that had to drive around him that he didn't even notice that the light was changing.  By the time the light on my side was green, the goose was directly in front of my car.  There was oncoming traffic, so I couldn't go around him, so I had little choice but to sit there looking like a dope while the goose finished crossing the road. 

Feel The Burn!

Here’s a Fun Fact!   Leg Day at the gym makes you fall up the stairs when you get to work

We should change the name of the Blag here from "Jeremy Is In The Office" to "Jeremy Is A Pinhead."  

I disagree, and since I'm the one doing all the typing, I'm pretty sure I'll get my way.

I have my methods.

So anyway, today's Sametime Status is brought to you by the fact that I tripped all over myself trying to walk up the stairs to my office recently.  It's actually Not The First Time I've fallen on a flight of stairs for your amusement, but this time was different because I fell going up the stairs rather than down.  That makes all the difference or something.

I also wanted to let everyone know that today is National High Five Day, so make sure you celebrate by high fiving somebody.