We can rebuild him, too

3.....2.....1.....Happy New Knee, Jim!


Is this another one of your Deja Vu weeks? I distinctly remember A Very Similar Post not all that long ago.


Well, yes...that was to commemorate Loyal Reader Mark's knee surgery. Today marks Loyal Reader Jim's knee surgery.


So, your readers have a lot of knee surgeries?


I like to think it's purely coincidental. In fact, over 83% of the Loyal Readers of the blag here are NOT having knee surgeries right now.


I like those odds! Good luck, Jim!

We all live another day

Disaster narrowly averted thanks to quick thinking and plastic tongs!


What kind of "disaster" can be dealt with using plastic tongs?


Today's Sametime Status deals with my latest encounter with the source of all evil.


Rush Limbaugh?


Worse. You all remember The Famed Toaster of Hades, right? Well, it tried to strike again with a vengeance the world has never seen. It tried to burn my bagel!


No! What happened?


You know how the bagel is supposed to ride on a chain-like conveyor, then drop off and slide down a chute at the end? Well, the bagel's center of gravity was off or something, and it got stuck on the chute...still holding on to the chain...as shown in this dramatic recreation:


Noticing the upcoming preemptive strike, I quickly grabbed the nearby plastic tongs, reached up inside the toaster and freed my bagel before it burst into flames. Victory was mine this day!


Stay alert...there will surely be other battles to fight.

Let the bidding begin!

Jeremy is once again an Undrafted Free Agent


Who exactly is supposed to draft you?


Well, that's not really important. What is important is that YET another draft has come and gone without my name being called. The NHL draft was held last Friday, and instead of starting my hockey career, I'll still be doing my normal job.


Well, you're not eligible for the NHL draft anyway...it's only for 18 and 19 year olds.


Hardly the point.


Also, your career stats aren't quite up to par with the other draftees. Zero Goals and zero Assist to go along with zero Penalty Minutes in zero Games Played. Not what the scouts are looking for.


Which is why I'd make a perfect sleeper pick!

Ding Ding Ding!

I would be ready to Rumble if it weren't for Michael Buffer


Yeah...he often gets in the way.


Hilarious.


You make stupid jokes all the time. Don't get all snippy when I have a good one.


Your use of the word "Good" is troubling.

Anyway...this weekend is the annual Pottstown Rumble volleyball tournament in sunny Pottstown PA. As you might expect, I will be participating.

Michael Buffer is the boxing ring announcer made famous for the line which I don't know if I can reprint here due to copyright issues...but you all know it. It involves Rumbling and asking if you're Ready for same. According to Highly Reliable Sources, Buffer has copyrighted his catch phrase, and has made a ludicrous sum of over $400 Million in licensing fees.

On a completely unrelated side note, I'd like to announce the "Jeremy Is In The Office Catch Phrase Contest" in which you, The Most Intelligent Readership In The World submit your quality ideas for a new catch phrase to be used on the Blag here. It's gonna be a thing!

Sock it to me?

I need to reengineer my sock strategy.


I sincerely doubt that's a form of engineering. You put on socks. Not hard.


Simply wearing socks is not really the issue at hand, here. The issue is in the variety of socks, and the need to be more efficient in my sock wearing and cleaning.

Since it is the custom, I tend to wash my socks on occasion. When I do, I find myself with a far-too-vast collection of sock types I have to work with. I have dressier socks, casual socks, white socks, blue socks, grey socks, black socks, various shades of brown socks, sporty socks...it's really a disaster. When I finish with the laundry, I find myself spending more time on the sock sorting than anything else. A new solution is required!


I'm sure there's an infomercial here somewhere...


Here's what I need to do...and what I'll almost assuredly not do. I should toss out all but one type of dressier socks for work. I will have two colors....black and brown, and all will be interchangeable. No more patterns, no more varying types of brown...no more thicker and thinner nonsense. Black and Brown socks for work. Then, I'll have a flurry of black sporty socks for the gym and volleyball. No more grey with yellow, grey with red, black with blue....no...Black. Done. All of my casual socks will be thicker and grey for comfort and style. Laundry day will be a treat. I'll have 4 piles and can just grab and fold instead of sorting through a mountain of socks. Why didn't anyone think of this before?

Caution: Nerdiness

When you get down to a fundamental, atomic level, nothing ever actually touches...but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when you fall up the stairs.


So, your fingers never touch the keys, either? Is that why the Blag's been missing for a while?


Actually, there are various reasons for a lack of Sametime Status updates the last couple days. They are as follows, in no particular order: World Cup, Ridiculously busy day, Field Trip. So anyway, the Blag you know and love is back today with Sametimey Goodness.


We love this?


Yes you do. So anyway...we had a philosophical discussion in a physics class years ago about the nature of atoms, charges, and how it relates to picking stuff up. Sure, when you look at things from a larger scope, you touch something, and can pick it up, or press it, or whatever. Even down to a cellular level, the cells of your finger are in contact with the stuff you're touching. When you break it down to a ridiculously small, atomic level...the protons and electrons that make up you are not actually contacting the electrons of other stuff. The charges simply repel and nothing hits. It would be bad if they did, as the electrons would stop moving or be anihilated by the protons of another atom, and everything would be lost. You would lose parts of your finger every time you touched something. The mind boggles.


If you touch something hard enough, it can break.


So anyway...at the time, this was a whimsically fun discussion on the nature of matter and sub-atomic particles, even if the Higgs Boson was not involved. Why this discussion went through my head the other day as I was busy falling up the stairs at home is beyond me. Apparently, from a sub-atomic scale, I didn't actually land...the elctrons in my arm simply repulsed the electrons of the tile floor and I floated there magically...suspended on a mushy soft bed of negative charges. It should have been quite comfy, but somehow still resulted in a bruise.

Physics sucks.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

This Soccer stuff would be better if it was Hockey.


Most sports would. In fact, there was a series of commercials a while back about just that. Here's one about Bowling:



So anyway...if you're like me, you've noticed that the World Cup is going on right now. If you're extremely lucky, you've even seen a goal. Given that there has been a goal every roughly 55 minutes of soccer action, it's a rare and special gift to actually witness. This is the primary reason that the fans are constantly blowing those zuzvela things...they have nothing better to do.

Let's examine some fun facts about the 2010 World Cup as it stands at the time of this writing.

• There have been a total of 23 goals scored in 14 games.
  
• 4 of those were scored in Germany's 4-0 Feel-Good whooping of Australia, leaving 19 goals in the remaining 13 games.
  
• Brazil's 2-1 victory over North Korea last night (The 14th game of the World Cup) marked the first time in this year's World Cup that a losing team scored a goal.
  
• 14 games...6 ended in ties. Two of those were of the 0-0 variety.
  
• 0 Fights, but a number of Red Cards.
  

This is nonsense.

By comparison, let's take a look at some fun facts about this year's Stanley Cup Final:

• 6 Games, 47 total goals scored.
  
• Game 1 Alone saw 10 goals in the first 40 minutes of play. (So much for "Defense wins Championships)
  
• Only one game of the Finals saw fewer than 7 total goals.
  
• No Zuzuvelas.
  

So there you have it. Hockey is clearly better than soccer. Discuss!